With all the trials and tribulations gong on right now in the CCFC camp, I thought I'd lighten all the guys up a bit (with apologies to any women readers in advance......nothing derogatory about women, but the truth as we men see it.)
Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures?
· Your last name stays put.
· The garage is all yours.
· Wedding plans take care of themselves.
· Chocolate is just another snack.
· You can never be pregnant.
· You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
· You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
· Car mechanics tell you the truth.
· The world is your urinal.
· You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too icky.
· You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
· Same work, more pay.
· Wrinkles add character.
· Wedding dress ₤5000. Tux rental-₤100.
· People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
· New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
· One mood all the time.
· Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
· You know stuff about tanks.
· A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
· You can open all your own jars.
· You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
· If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
· Your underwear is ₤6.95 for a three-pack.
· Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
· You almost never have strap problems in public.
· You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
· Everything on your face stays its original colour.
· The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades, maybe for life.
· You only have to shave your face and neck.
· You can play with toys all your life.
· One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.
· You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
· You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
· You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
· You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes flat.
NICKNAMES
· If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
· If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman .
EATING OUT
· When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in ₤20, even though it's only for ₤32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
· When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
· A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
· A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
· A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
· The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
· A woman has the last word in any argument.
· Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
· A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
· A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE
· A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
· A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
· A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
· A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
· Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
· Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
· Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
· A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
Men Are Just Happier People -- What do you expect from such simple creatures?
· Your last name stays put.
· The garage is all yours.
· Wedding plans take care of themselves.
· Chocolate is just another snack.
· You can never be pregnant.
· You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
· You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
· Car mechanics tell you the truth.
· The world is your urinal.
· You never have to drive to another petrol station toilet because this one is just too icky.
· You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
· Same work, more pay.
· Wrinkles add character.
· Wedding dress ₤5000. Tux rental-₤100.
· People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.
· New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
· One mood all the time.
· Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
· You know stuff about tanks.
· A five-day holiday requires only one suitcase.
· You can open all your own jars.
· You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
· If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
· Your underwear is ₤6.95 for a three-pack.
· Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
· You almost never have strap problems in public.
· You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes..
· Everything on your face stays its original colour.
· The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades, maybe for life.
· You only have to shave your face and neck.
· You can play with toys all your life.
· One wallet and one pair of shoes -- one colour for all seasons.
· You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
· You can 'do' your nails with a pocket knife.
· You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
· You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes flat.
___________________________________
· If Laura, Kate and Sarah go out for lunch, they will call each other Laura, Kate and Sarah.
· If Mike, Dave and John go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Fat Boy, Bubba and Wildman .
EATING OUT
· When the bill arrives, Mike, Dave and John will each throw in ₤20, even though it's only for ₤32.50. None of them will have anything smaller and none will actually admit they want change back.
· When the girls get their bill, out come the pocket calculators.
MONEY
· A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs.
· A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need but it's on sale.
BATHROOMS
· A man has six items in his bathroom: toothbrush and toothpaste, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel.
· The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify more than 20 of these items.
ARGUMENTS
· A woman has the last word in any argument.
· Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
FUTURE
· A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
· A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
MARRIAGE
· A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
· A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, but she does.
DRESSING UP
· A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the trash, answer the phone, read a book, and get the post.
· A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.
NATURAL
· Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
· Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
OFFSPRING
· Ah, children. A woman knows all about her children. She knows about dentist appointments and romances, best friends, favourite foods, secret fears and hopes and dreams.
· A man is vaguely aware of some short people living in the house.
THOUGHT FOR THE DAY
A married man should forget his mistakes. There's no use in two people remembering the same thing!
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