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None. Every time I break in the residents are at home self isolating and the effing cat is out. Might have to get a job in Tesco till it all blows over.

I am a cat burglar so I’m always working in somebody’s home

And there was me thinking it was just eleven blokes kicking a ball about

More to the point were they all wearing their tee shirts?

Laurel and Hardy comedy gold

Population of UK is 65 million. The reason the Chief Medical Officer didn’t suspend mass gatherings was to flatten out the impact to the NHS. The Premier League have gone against the guidance.

Are they buying toilet roll to embalm the dead?

The mortality rate is estimated at 1 percent, why the panic?

The tube is not controlled by the premier league.

It’s fine as long as nobody is within two metres.

Going walk about to contaminate as many people as possible.

The footballing authorities don’t have any credibility - they have gone against the guidance given by the Chief Medical Officer.

Is it Seth Rogans brother?

There aren’t any doors to close

twenty years ago the world was doomed with Y2K again sod all happened

The same World Health Organisation that got us all in a flap about bird flu.

Around 1 million die every year from TB. But that doesn’t get on the front pages of the tabloids. The press are causing mayhem. World economy will suffer but hey the editors will have great headlines. So that’s OK

Depends who’s driving

I will trawl the Internet to find out!

What is needed is a concerted media assault on Duggins and his cronies. You don’t need the CT to do this, just the power of social media. Has anyone got Putin’s number?