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My wife and daughter are away shopping, so I'm planning to get bladdered and eat pizza

Rick Astelys wife is divorcing him on the grounds that he's refusing to buy her favourite Pixar movie. Apparently he's never gonna give her up

My wife wants something silk for Christmas, I've got her a gallon of emulsion

I was a barman in the Wallace many moons ago, and 2 colleagues insisted on having their own Christmas tips jar and not share it with the rest of us although they put the jar out at the start of November My theory was if a customer asked to take a drink for myself I'd always say I'd take a pound...

Calling your teacher mum/dad by mistake was always my worry

The doors on my jehovhas witness advent calendar won't open

Good cast this year, hope Tom hardy makes an appearance he's golden in it .

First 2 series were very good 3rd was sluggish

Been bloody good so far

She's a good looking girl her brother on the other hand ....

The girl off gogglebox who's also in the talktalk advert

Woah woah woah (that's English for stop a horse) What happened with Hartson and palmer?

Gary Gillespie used the Wallace a few times when I worked there, saw nuddy using the phone box outside it on a few occasions, rumour has it that he was knocking off a lady who lived on Wallace rd and another in hardy rd. Met Noel whelan in the nugget once he made a fuss of my nephew who had a...

Bet sammy lee is rubbing his hands in delight

Just watched the Christmas special

Thought Iain lee did well with the Trial

My brother went through a spell of texting me random proverbs and saying, here's a few of them. Always be true to your teeth for one day they could be false to you. A lie has no wings but can travel far and wide People are not annoyed with the cockerel waking up early it's the noise it makes...

You really don't like her do you

Used to love this series, each character was so relatable