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Fringe. We're not American yet.

Groom of the Stool. It was very privileged, but was probably more handing stuff over and helping whichever fat prick was king at the time get back into their ludicrously fussy and bulky clothes afterwards than actually wiping. You'd like to think so, anyway. It must have been awful for both...

Niche.

I agree, but this particular Leicester fan adds nothing; their 'banter' is just witlessness. Tbf, though, if no-one reacted, they'd just bugger off.

We'll have to wait and see.

I call Yang Yang.

Because you appreciate a good moustache?

Ben Sheaf.

First game of the season in the late 80s against Everton; we absolutely battered them but he saved everything we threw at him and we lost 1-0. He was probably as good as anyone in the world at that stage of his career. Now he comes across as a top bloke.

Not in the same way that not living as healthily as you should is. If Rudoni's not fully fit, then that's through bad fortune. If Hamer's not, it's through personal choice. I'm not knocking Hamer, btw, football's clearly a job, not a lifestyle, for him. That's great, but it means he's not the...

Even if that's a factor, it's not because he eats too much.

Neither of whom look unfit. To be back to their best, they need to find belief and form. Hamer has to change his lifestyle.

And his wages? If we were prepared to offer him the wage he'd demand, why have we not done so previously for anyone else?

Sheffield United fans seem less than impressed this season.

Even if we wanted him, and he was available for an affordable price, why would he agree to the significant wage reduction he'd have to accept here? Whoever signs him is going to have to match his current wages. We won't.

Swedish right back. Changed his name to Corneleus or something like that. ETA: to Antonelius, apparently. He thought Gustafsson was too common!

I think Morocco went out very early; they weren't gone for long. Here you go; report of the last game they missed confirms it. Looking at the results, we won one, drew one and lost one without them.

He was excellent at what he did, no question about that.

There was a bit of flippancy there, but I reckon some truth, too. It's definitely harder to regain good form.