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I'm pleased for Vik, but that's the least deserved qualification on record. I think they got 2 points in their group, failing to beat the mighgt of Kosovo and Slovenia. Bit farcical, really.

You get so defensive whenever that song's criticised. It's quite funny. It's also a fucking awful football song, which is a pity, because he came from his previous club with an absolute banger.

Heilan' coos?

The Quiff and Polo.

It's weird. I don't understand why adults would be so desperate to speak to footballers (or anyone 'famous'). I mean, what would you say? 'Alright? You play football for the team I support. Please play football well.'

I absolutely agree with him that not sneaking up last year was, in hindsight, beneficial. We'll be far more prepared this year than we would have been last.

Who'd've thought it, eh?

But nothing will ever beat Northampton's old County Ground as the worst football ground I've been to. It was barely a football ground at all.

The away end was awful, but I loved the Dell for it being such a weird little ground.

Middlesbrough play the prettiest football to watch, I'll give them that. Looks aren't everything, though. Whoever goes up will have to strengthen, and whoever does that best will have the best chance of staying up.

Great what, now?

Simms v Middlesbrough. Barnstorming run from defence through midfield, passed through to box, bang. Goal.

I don't know, but as every supporter of a certain vintage realises, this is the proper Goal of the Month music:

I mean, that begins with the words, 'Nigel Farage claims'...

Apparently unhappy that they let him ooze his way into the dressing room. An invasion of space. Also, your last statement isn't one you can in any way corroborate. Footballers, generally, are advised to keep quiet. That's all you can say. Apart from perhaps that they are also a disparate...

Yeah but everybody loves a big lunking centre-half go on a barnstorming charge up field. It's one of the great joys of football. Kitching looks like he can play, so it's less entertaining.

So childish.

I mean, who cares? Seriously. You really do come across as having more functioning hair follicles than functioning brain cells, you know.

Yeah, memory faulty for the away one! I was correct about Mills (even if I couldn't remember his proper name). I was at both; the away game we were never in it really, our second was right at the end. Home game was a genuine classic.

But it was the away game that I thought he did that in (he scored one), and the home game I said that I remembered.