Bad joke corner (3 Viewers)

Coventry La La La · Mar 16, 2011

BBC SPORT: Japan confirm planned football matches to go ahead.

BBC SPORT SCOTLAND: Inverness match against Celtic postponed due to waterlogged pitch.

redsox · Mar 18, 2011

Due to a factory error, my phone now has a colander instead of a calendar.

It really drains the battery.

skybluedan · Mar 19, 2011

got arrested today for wrapping my dick in the beano and wanking on the bus.........
apparently this is not classed as comic relief...............

Coventry La La La · Mar 19, 2011

For some reason I'm really struggling to sell my house at the moment.

I've done everything they've recommended...

Painted the walls black.
Painted the floors black.
Painted the ceiling black.
I'm even answering the door in a tin foil suit.

I was told to give the illusion of space.

Minder · Mar 20, 2011

I put some body spray on last night, but I only managed to pull Anne Robinson.

It must have been the weakest Lynx.

Minder · Mar 20, 2011

Me and my missus had a 69er for comic relief, she was on her period.

cov_russell · Mar 21, 2011

I put some body spray on last night, but I only managed to pull Anne Robinson.

It must have been the weakest Lynx.

SkyBlueScottie · Mar 21, 2011

The Police have lost all of their dogs, they have got no leads.

Coventry La La La · Mar 22, 2011

BBC News : "Gaddafi 'Not Targeted' By US Strikes"

So we can safely assume that he'll be dead within days.

SuperFred · Mar 22, 2011

Someone sneaked an illegal type of spoon into Work today. It caused quite a stir.

SuperFred · Mar 22, 2011

I've just been dumped by my girlfriend. She found me creepy because I have a nickname for my penis.

Guess now that I'm single again, I'll have to take Matters into my own hands.

SuperFred · Mar 22, 2011

Quit my job in a helium gas factory yesterday. Refused to be spoken to in that tone.

SuperFred · Mar 22, 2011

My father used to hit me with a camera, I keep on having flashbacks.

SuperFred · Mar 22, 2011

I was caught masturbating in a lift yesterday. It was wrong on so many levels.

SuperFred · Mar 22, 2011

i'll stop now

ccfcadz · Mar 22, 2011

It's ironic that Reading Festival would be fucked if they booked none of the bands...

...whereas a reading festival would be fucked if they banned all the books.

ccfcadz · Mar 22, 2011

A friend of mine in the parachute regiment has been stationed in Switzerland for the last 2 years.He has recently married a local girl who can wash up with one hand, cook with the other, dust with a foot while sucking his cock and she opens a beer with her arse.

Shes called a swiss army wife.

Bunnykins · Mar 22, 2011

2 policewoman are sitting in their patrol car with their German Shepherd
one says to the other Gosh I'm Cold and I left my knickers back at the station
The other says I know let the Dog sniff your $%&*** to get the scent and send him in the Station to get them for you.....

She doe's this the Dog Comes back 10 minutes later with A Trunchon A Broomhandle and 2 of The Sargents Fingers.......:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:

Great_Expectations · Mar 22, 2011

Threw a housewarming party last night.

The radiators were steaming.

Coventry La La La · Mar 22, 2011

I was walking into my local pub, when I suddenly realised it was darts night.
So I did a 180, and left.

Minder · Mar 22, 2011

So, X-rated websites have been given the approval to have the XXX domain name?

Surely this is going to confuse the Americans when they are shopping for clothes online.

Minder · Mar 22, 2011

What's funnier than a female comedian?

Everything.

SkyBlueScottie · Mar 22, 2011

SuperFred said:
i'll stop now

Yes, Stuart Francis and wants his one liners back

cov_russell · Mar 23, 2011

How did I get out of Iraq?

Iran.

Great_Expectations · Mar 23, 2011

Me and my mate were masturbating to some hardcore dinosaur pornography.

Unfortunately, my mothersaurus....

Bunnykins · Mar 24, 2011

The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and She asked the question:

'When you die and go to Heaven... Which part of your body goes first?'

Suzy raised her hand and said: 'I think it's your hands.'

'Why do you think it's your hands, Suzy?'
Suzy replied: 'Because when you pray, you hold your hands together in front of you and God just takes your hands first.'

'What a wonderful answer!' the nun said.

Little Johnny raised his hand and said: 'Sister, I think it's your feet.'

The nun asked
'Now, Little Johnny, why do you Think it would be your feet?'

Little Johnny said:
'Well, I walked into Mummy and Daddy's bedroom the other night,
Mummy Had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying: 'Oh ! God, I'm coming!'
If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her

JCR1987 · Mar 25, 2011

As I stepped out of the cold shower this morning the Mrs laughed and told me that my penis closely resembled a tic-tac.

"If that's the case," I joked, "why does your sister still have bad breath?!"

JCR1987 · Mar 25, 2011

I rang work this morning and said I won't be in work today as i've got anal blindness.

They said "what the fuck is that?"

I said "I can't see my arse getting out of bed this morning"

JCR1987 · Mar 25, 2011

I met a girl in the park the other evening. There was an instant spark between us and she immediately dropped to her knees and laid on the grass at my feet.

As we were making love I thought: "These taser guns are well worth the money"

JCR1987 · Mar 25, 2011

Bakewell tart is not a pudding. It is a command!!

JCR1987 · Mar 25, 2011

Paddy and Murphy swap sandwiches at work... Paddy spits it out and says "what the feck is on that?"

Murphy answers "Crab paste"

Paddy asks "Where did you get that?"

Murphy replies "I saw it on offer when I was in the chemist"

redsox · Mar 25, 2011

JCR1987 said:
As I stepped out of the cold shower this morning the Mrs laughed and told me that my penis closely resembled a tic-tac.

"If that's the case," I joked, "why does your sister still have bad breath?!"

ha ha, this one made me laugh!!

kevinleftpeg · Mar 25, 2011

I bought one of those suicide Pizza's the other day..........

It 'tops' itself

smileycov · Mar 25, 2011

I saw a dyslexic yorkshireman.......he was wearing a cat flap!!

JCR1987 · Mar 25, 2011

I recently opened a cafe in Japan... it started out a bit shaky but people are slowly drifting in.

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