Divorce (1 Viewer)

DannyB · Aug 25, 2020

Do any of you good people have any knowledge of the laws of Divorce or has anyone been through the process?

Currently going through it with my ex and jeez what a stress it is. Lies, moving money, delaying financial disclosure, dodgy solicitors. I now understand why a lot people just walk away from it without fighting it, would be a lot easier.

Anyway some advice would be very grateful.

Evo1883 · Aug 25, 2020

No chance of just splitting everything amicably and moving on?

clint van damme · Aug 25, 2020

as first posts go mate that's a fucking stunner!

There are experts on here on every conceivable subject so you should find someone who can help. Hope it all works out for you.

shmmeee · Aug 25, 2020

Nightmare mate. I ended up paying for the pleasure of being told it’s not worth fighting. Anything less than about £20k isn’t worth getting lawyers involved basically as it’ll cost almost that much to chase.

Get agreements. If you can’t agree go to mediation. If you end up in court they’ll want to see you’ve tried anyway.

F you’ve got money I can’t help really other than listen to your lawyer

DannyB · Aug 25, 2020

Evo1883 said:
No chance of just splitting everything amicably and moving on?

That is what I want but the ex doesn’t. In fact she wanted me to walk away with nothing. So I’ve had to get solicitors help.

From what I know divorce law is law and you have to abide by it, so she cannot get away with that.

DannyB · Aug 25, 2020

shmmeee said:
Nightmare mate. I ended up paying for the pleasure of being told it’s not worth fighting. Anything less than about £20k isn’t worth getting lawyers involved basically as it’ll cost almost that much to chase.

Get agreements. If you can’t agree go to mediation. If you end up in court they’ll want to see you’ve tried anyway.

F you’ve got money I can’t help really other than listen to your lawyer

Paying to hear you cannot fight it, jeez that must have been a pisser.

My solicitor has said I have a case and is doing his best to avoid court. The ex said she doesn’t want court but then hides savings and undervalues the house etc, playing games basically.

shmmeee · Aug 25, 2020

My ex tried that. Wanted 70% of the house for no reason other than “I want it”. Agreed 50:50 eventually, she was to get valuations, turned out she made them up and I was a mess and didn’t check just trusted her. She quoted 20% lower than the actual value and ended up with 75% of the equity anyway. Bitch. Nothing I could do.

Don’t sign anything. Don’t leave the house. Itemise everything.

shmmeee · Aug 25, 2020

Is worth trying mediation first but TBH if she’s not playing with a straight bat it probably won’t do anything but provide evidence she’s being unreasonable later on.

I lost probably £15k in the house and possessions plus another £30k Id spent on her debt just before she left and was told no chance on the debt and it’d cost £15k to fight the house.

Ce la vie.

DannyB · Aug 25, 2020

shmmeee said:
My ex tried that. Wanted 70% of the house for no reason other than “I want it”. Agreed 50:50 eventually, she was to get valuations, turned out she made them up and I was a mess and didn’t check just trusted her. She quoted 20% lower than the actual value and ended up with 75% of the equity anyway. Bitch. Nothing I could do.

Don’t sign anything. Don’t leave the house. Itemise everything.

People change when it comes to money, I’ve found that out.

in my case because the house valuation has not been agreed, 2 estate agents will be brought in to complete a joint valuation. If it went to court the judge would hire a surveyor.

DannyB · Aug 25, 2020

shmmeee said:
Is worth trying mediation first but TBH if she’s not playing with a straight bat it probably won’t do anything but provide evidence she’s being unreasonable later on.

I lost probably £15k in the house and possessions plus another £30k Id spent on her debt just before she left and was told no chance on the debt and it’d cost £15k to fight the house.

Ce la vie.

Mediation will have to be an option because a divorce case cannot go to court until this has been attempted.

I won’t attempt mediation until she has disclosed all her finances including the Savings account she has cashed in and moved. And of course when the house has been officially valued.

shmmeee · Aug 25, 2020

Jesus mate she sounds like a real piece of work. Be prepared to have any faith in women destroyed. First few months after my divorce every man I met had a story.

hill83 · Aug 25, 2020

I’ve only ever heard bad news stories with things like this. It can just all be done amicably right? Genuine question.

DannyB · Aug 25, 2020

shmmeee said:
Jesus mate she sounds like a real piece of work. Be prepared to have any faith in women destroyed. First few months after my divorce every man I met had a story.

Yeh I’ve met a few already, and so many of them just walked away. End of the day this is going to cost her more than she anticipated, so I’m hoping money will move her, seems like it’s the only thing that does.

Sbarcher · Aug 25, 2020

Have a look at Wikivorce. You can often get free advise from divorce lawyers here.

DannyB · Aug 25, 2020

hill83 said:
I’ve only ever heard bad news stories with things like this. It can just all be done amicably right? Genuine question.

from my end yes, I only want what the law says I’m entitled to. Whereas the ex only wants what she wants.

shmmeee · Aug 25, 2020

hill83 said:
I’ve only ever heard bad news stories with things like this. It can just all be done amicably right? Genuine question.

If you’ve got two people who are sensible and can reach agreement it’s a piece of piss. The problem is when you’re at the point of divorce suddenly no one is sensible.

I can’t recommend strongly enough getting this stuff sorted out when you’re both happy in the relationship. Though that’s one hell of a convo to broach.

shmmeee · Aug 25, 2020

I found the second we broke up her friends and family suddenly turned into right cunts telling her I should leave the house and I should have nothing and to fuck me over and take what she can. In hindsight she was a bitch anyway but still.

Like Danny I just wanted 50:50 which is what we’d always informally agreed on and tutted loudly at couples where this didn’t happen before we divorced.

DannyB · Aug 25, 2020

shmmeee said:
I found the second we broke up her friends and family suddenly turned into right cunts telling her I should leave the house and I should have nothing and to fuck me over and take what she can. In hindsight she was a bitch anyway but still.

Like Danny I just wanted 50:50 which is what we’d always informally agreed on and tutted loudly at couples where this didn’t happen before we divorced.

That’s it, I’m not just up against the ex, it’s the whole family and friends juggernaut too, and I’m pretty certain they are pulling her strings because things that have been said don’t make any sense. Plus I think their solicitor is also weighing in. My solicitor is experienced and believes it’s all tactical to succumb me into accepting a nominal amount.

Deleted member 5849 · Aug 25, 2020

DannyB said:
In fact she wanted me to walk away with nothing

She's in danger of walking away with nothing too, if it ends up too big a legal battle. That might sharpen the mind...

clint van damme · Aug 25, 2020

Danny, if you don't mind me asking, any kids involved?

DannyB · Aug 25, 2020

Deleted member 5849 said:
She's in danger of walking away with nothing too, if it ends up too big a legal battle. That might sharpen the mind...

Yeh that’s true. if it goes to court it’ll cost us both anything upto £15K, and I know she doesn’t want that. Hopefully the the threat of court will like you say sharpen her mind

DannyB · Aug 25, 2020

clint van damme said:
Danny, if you don't mind me asking, any kids involved?

No luckily.

Macca1987 · Aug 25, 2020

Danny, sorry to hear your troubles, been through it myself, wife wanted more and more, went to mediation and she still wouldn't budge. Wanted 50% of my pension when half of it was set in place before she even appeared on the scene. I was in the house with my 2 kids she left and I still had to pay for her property for 2 years until the divorce came through. In the end the threat of court and her losing money won the day and she backed down and it ended up roughly 50/50. Stay strong pal and don't let her, her family and friends push you into something you don't want to do

Earlsdon_Skyblue1 · Aug 25, 2020

Sounds like an absolute nightmare Danny. As Shmmeee says, you really start to question a lot of things. So many guys I know have had similair stories. Obviously men fuck up too, but that's usually the case that they can't keep their dick in their pants. With women it always seems to be so cunning and calculated, full of manipulation.

I don't envy you one bit, but you seem like a smart chap so I'm sure you'll be fine. Keep us updated.

chiefdave · Aug 25, 2020

Saw two lawyers, both said the same thing. Unless its a huge amount of money not worth fighting it, you can easily burn through thousands in legal fees and unlike a lot of things in court its largely down to what the judge feels like doing on the day as the law is so vague.

Doesn't help that the laws haven't been updated for years and so refer to things like the women being able to continue to live in the manner they are accustomed.

Evo1883 · Aug 25, 2020

No person should ever be entitled to half of somebodies pension through divorce... Disgraceful

DannyB · Aug 25, 2020

Macca1987 said:
Danny, sorry to hear your troubles, been through it myself, wife wanted more and more, went to mediation and she still wouldn't budge. Wanted 50% of my pension when half of it was set in place before she even appeared on the scene. I was in the house with my 2 kids she left and I still had to pay for her property for 2 years until the divorce came through. In the end the threat of court and her losing money won the day and she backed down and it ended up roughly 50/50. Stay strong pal and don't let her, her family and friends push you into something you don't want to do

Thanks Macca, sorry to hear you went through similar aggro and heartache. I’m also hoping the threat of court will bring things to an amicable ending. All divorce law in the UK starts at 50/50 and only a few things move it away from this, kids being one. I’m sure her and her dodgy lawyer know this, so are pulling out all the tricks to muddy the waters. I’ve been close to giving up many a time, but will definitely be hanging in to the end.

Macca1987 · Aug 25, 2020

I think a couple of the reasons I didn't give up were I'm stubborn and Scottish lol

DannyB · Aug 25, 2020

Earlsdon_Skyblue1 said:
Sounds like an absolute nightmare Danny. As Shmmeee says, you really start to question a lot of things. So many guys I know have had similair stories. Obviously men fuck up too, but that's usually the case that they can't keep their dick in their pants. With women it always seems to be so cunning and calculated, full of manipulation.

I don't envy you one bit, but you seem like a smart chap so I'm sure you'll be fine. Keep us updated.

You’re right on that one, they do seem more calculated and manipulative.
I was no angel don’t get me wrong, no adultery mind you, but difficulties in marriage stems from both sides in my opinion. One thing about divorce law I’ve learned is most judges don’t care about the ins and outs of the marriage, they just want to know how much is in the pot.

shmmeee · Aug 25, 2020

chiefdave · Aug 25, 2020

shmmeee said:

I had one, was a complete waste of time if the other side decides to ignore it. Your option then is to spend thousands on legal fees to go to court and hope they enforce it. Ends up costing you more than just giving them what they're asking for. Probably only worth it if you've got a serious amount of money.

shmmeee · Aug 25, 2020

chiefdave said:
I had one, was a complete waste of time if the other side decides to ignore it. Your option then is to spend thousands on legal fees to go to court and hope they enforce it. Ends up costing you more than just giving them what they're asking for. Probably only worth it if you've got a serious amount of money.

Well that sucks. As a society we have not figured out divorce on any level.

Maybe it’s naive to think you can sort this stuff beforehand, serious reform is needed. You can understand why people get the Batman costumes on.

Deleted member 5849 · Aug 25, 2020

Evo1883 said:
No person should ever be entitled to half of somebodies pension through divorce... Disgraceful

Depends. If the wife/husband gives up a career on becoming married, with agreement from their partner, then that's a financial handicap to them.

Grendel · Aug 25, 2020

Deleted member 5849 said:
Depends. If the wife/husband gives up a career on becoming married, with agreement from their partner, then that's a financial handicap to them.

Yes then clearly they should

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