Divorce (3 Viewers)

Thats a good question nick.
Rulings are different in different countries.

I learnt in the UK, new man picks up the tab for wifey.
Here in Oz it's based on earnings of the ex couple. No new individuals taken into consideration

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smouch1975 said:

Thats a good question nick.
Rulings are different in different countries.

I learnt in the UK, new man picks up the tab for wifey.
Here in Oz it's based on earnings of the ex couple. No new individuals taken into consideration

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Ah, so the moment a bloke "moves in" (Like they would let anybody know ) then they have to pay the mortgage?

So a scenario is that divorce happens, man moves out but keeps paying mortgage and bills, cant afford somewhere to live himself but woman is ok. She could effectively then move another bloke in who then has to take on the bills in original husbands house? More than likely ex wife doesn't declare anybody as living there properly and ex husband is paying for another bloke to have somewhere to stay a few nights a week.

Original husband is then just slogging his guts out to work to pay for a house he can't live in so has to move back with parents or rent somewhere cheap?

I might get a batman suit myself. That's outrageous.

Welcome to the thread and the greater understanding of....

Get out whilst it's amicable

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smouch1975 said:

Edit: mostly as a result of domestic violence by men. Which I do not condone



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I left one of them because of her violence towards me. Once she worked out that I wouldn't hit her no matter what she did, she would go from throwing things at me to attacking me. I left when she came at me with a knife. She called the police because I hurt her wrist and thumb whilst taking the knife off her. But I got a small cut on my hand. So it tallied with what I told the police so no action was taken.

We were not married but she got everything but my house. I rented somewhere for us to live and rented my house out. She didn't even know that I owned a house.

She moved back to Coventry. But then refused all access. Each time I took it back to court I got access back. But she would then put another false accusation against me. I would then need to travel to Coventry for a 10 minute hearing to say when the next case was. Then back to Coventry for the proper hearing which I would win yet again.

On one of the last ones I got a call not to go to see my son. She said they were going out. So I went out on the piss instead. A few days later I got the usual solicitors letter saying contact had stopped because of what had happened on Saturday. But I wasn't even there. In court her solicitor said that I attacked her and smashed her house up. They had a picture of her bruised face and her house. First thought was 'SHIT' Then brain kicked into action. Said that I had a problem with my car. Said about the phone call cancelling my visit. So took my car to local Vauxhall garage. Was there all morning with my car and could prove it. Her solicitor leaned over to her. They had a whispering session. "I would like to withdraw that accusation" she replied. The judges face was a picture. Said contact was as before and dismissed the case. I didn't leave the room. He asked me why I was still there. I asked him why did they let her continue with false accusations. His reply is that they have to take them seriously. So I asked him what they could do about it.

1, Fine her. But it would take money away from my son.

2, Put her in prison. But it would take his mother away from him.

3, Do nothing.

He asked me what I wanted. I got as far as pris. Then held my head up high and left the court room.

And some people wonder why the legal aid system had to change. Too many solicitors taking the piss with cases they knew were false.

Nick said:

Ah, so the moment a bloke "moves in" (Like they would let anybody know ) then they have to pay the mortgage?

So a scenario is that divorce happens, man moves out but keeps paying mortgage and bills, cant afford somewhere to live himself but woman is ok. She could effectively then move another bloke in who then has to take on the bills in original husbands house? More than likely ex wife doesn't declare anybody as living there properly and ex husband is paying for another bloke to have somewhere to stay a few nights a week.

Original husband is then just slogging his guts out to work to pay for a house he can't live in so has to move back with parents or rent somewhere cheap?

I might get a batman suit myself. That's outrageous.

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It comes down to what is agreed. Bills normally paid by woman. But the mortgage is negotiable. Tie it in with child maintenance I say. But you might have to pay towards it if you want to keep a stake in the house. I say hand it over, pay mortgage with child maintenance. You would have to pay that anyway. But each case is different. And easier if you keep friendly for the children's sake.

I read an article once about divorce laws in Iceland which have been created with the welfare of the children as their main purpose.
They sounded a lot more progressive than over here.

shmmeee said:

Frankly I think the base assumption should be split joint assets and custody 50/50 and leave it at that.

Currently she earns more than me because we agreed I'd go back to uni to improve my earning potential, but there's been the opposite situation at other times over the years. I think most people accept that relationships ebb and flow. Hearing about women living off the bloke then taking half his stuff riles me up. As does any assumption that the kids go one place or another.

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50/50 custody and her earning more than you should mean that you don't pay child support. You support them by having them. Hopefully you can keep it the same through them growing up. It will give them a good stable childhood.

One thing that pisses me off is pension rights. My wife would get half of my pension although I already had it before we got together. She always saw pensions as a waste of money as she didn't see herself as getting old. Now she won't start one as it won't be worth much in 11 years 2 months and 3 days when we retire. But because she doesn't have one she gets half of mine unless we get divorced and she remarries before the pension is taken.

shmmeee said:

Missus has just told me she wants a divorce. Been together 13 years, married for 4.5.

Anyone who has been through it?

Got any advice?

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I have not gone through this personally but I know many who have, I have been through relationship breakups in the past where I have felt like I would never get over it (you always do though but it takes a toll).
It's always much harder when children are involved and the Father tends to get the shitty end of the stick, but the people I know who have stayed together just for this reason have ended up hating each other and this has always had a knock-on effect with the children.

I truly hope you can either work this out or move on in an amicable way (easy to say I know) keep your chin up, all the best.

Astute said:

Now she won't start one as it won't be worth much in 11 years 2 months and 3 days when we retire.

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Not that you're counting...

Shmeee, I am so sorry to hear this news.

I haven't been through it myself, but it could happen, and so cant speak from first hand experience but have had a very close friend go through it. Unfortunately his break up was fairly toxic, so he got a good solicitor and they looked after him, despite all the lies and carp his ex threw at him. He had a tough year but came through it stronger and happier and developed a close relationship with his son that couldn't be beaten I guess what I am trying to say is it will be tough as you know but you will come through stronger.

The most important thing is to look after yourself and your kids. It is the number one priority, everything else is secondary as you are the important people in this. Try to be amicable, but as I previously mentioned a good solicitor does help if needed

On a personal level I am not ashamed to admit I suffered with some severe stress, and depression a few years ago, due to a horrendous time at work, and bereavement. It felt like the worst thing in the world but it did pass. I still have my moments but I came through it stronger and wiser, and you will get through it stronger and wiser. I would recommend physical activity, I run and go to the gym and as Duffer said in a previous post, it helps, and it helps me blow away the cobwebs, dissipate anger and generally kick stress in the balls.

I hope that helps but whatever you do, and whatever happens, take care and look after yourself.

I agree with you on coming through hard times Moff. Two years ago my dad died. It was the start of 6 deaths in the family in less than a year. 5 of them close family members. The youngest was just under 2. Only 3 of them were of pensionable age. One being my dad at 68. I am still in my 40's. But I am the eldest male in my family now who isn't an alcoholic. I then had an accident that wrecked my ankle. Two days later I got 3rd degree burns on the same leg. I couldn't carry my stepdads coffin as I could hardly walk. Just as I was getting on my feet last valentines day I had another accident. I got my left arm crushed. Just about a year later I am still on light duties at work. Looks like I will need another operation. But over the worse of it now. Just as happy as before.

I value life and fitness much more though.

clint van damme said:

get back on the weed!
Seriously, sad to hear that. I know you've mentioned you've got kids so for their sake, try and keep it as amicable as is possible.

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Yeah kids gotta come first , never been married but been dumped after along time relationship and was devastated so sympathise mate

Astute said:

I agree with you on coming through hard times Moff. Two years ago my dad died. It was the start of 6 deaths in the family in less than a year. 5 of them close family members. The youngest was just under 2. Only 3 of them were of pensionable age. One being my dad at 68. I am still in my 40's. But I am the eldest male in my family now who isn't an alcoholic. I then had an accident that wrecked my ankle. Two days later I got 3rd degree burns on the same leg. I couldn't carry my stepdads coffin as I could hardly walk. Just as I was getting on my feet last valentines day I had another accident. I got my left arm crushed. Just about a year later I am still on light duties at work. Looks like I will need another operation. But over the worse of it now. Just as happy as before.

I value life and fitness much more though.

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Jonah!

This place is getting a bit soppy nowadays! Give it until June and there will be pillow parties being arranged instead of fights at the Jimmy Hill Statue :emoji_kissing_heart:

Ps. I am shocked at skybluedan's comments, I was expecting a "finger her sister" bit of advice!

Nick said:

This place is getting a bit soppy nowadays! Give it until June and there will be pillow parties being arranged instead of fights at the Jimmy Hill Statue :emoji_kissing_heart:

Ps. I am shocked at skybluedan's comments, I was expecting a "finger her sister" bit of advice!

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I know!.......... I play a very good " argumentative twat " but that's the essence of life, being challenged on your opinion is good for the mind, but I think that most people who post on here are decent, good people and no matter our differences would take no pride in scoring a cheap point when someone is in strife, quite the opposite. It is becoming a bit of a "bumfest" though Nick, sort it out!

skybluedan said:

Yeah kids gotta come first , never been married but been dumped after along time relationship and was devastated so sympathise mate

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Putting the kids first is one of the things that breaks marriages up. In a marriage, your spouse should come first before the kids. In my marriage, after we had kids, they because more important to my wife than me. That was the ultimate cause of our breakup. Don't forget you married your spouse, not the kids.

My missus has just given me £50 for no reason whatsoever.

I am a bit suspicious.

It is either a lovely gift, or my share of an impending divorce settlement.

I now don't know whether to blow it on cocaine, women, gambling and champagne, or just get those thermal long john's and vests I have had my eye on for some time.

Instant equaliser can hopefully be a real catalyst for us today

covcity4life said:

Instant equaliser can hopefully be a real catalyst for us today

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Indeed, great advice that ;D

Lmao sorry wrong thread

Otis said:

My missus has just given me £50 for no reason whatsoever.

I am a bit suspicious.

It is either a lovely gift, or my share of an impending divorce settlement.

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Check you bank account probably find £100 missing

Terry Gibson's perm said:

Check you bank account probably find £100 missing

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She said she have given me £50 as a gift. Did a BACS transfer.

Checked this afternoon and it wasn't there. I asked her and she said she changed her mind.

Maybe she found the cyanide in the airing cupboard.

I think marriage is a crock of shit and something women have been brainwashed into believing is some kind of fairytale ultimate goal in life that will make everything golden and perfect. Men go along with it becuase they like the sex and think it will continue. Then after a year or two the resentment kicks in becuase the women isn't living the fairytale and the sex had dried up for the guy. Throw in some kids and the resentment increases immeasurably.

I've made huge sweeping generalisations there but I think in all kinds of varying degrees it boils down to marriage being an archaic and flawed idea that costs alot of money and causes a lot of grief.

How many long term married people are truly happy? I've went to three weddings in the past few years and two have ended in divorce already.

And to think the gays are fighting for this shit!

fellatio_Martinez said:

I think marriage is a crock of shit and something women have been brainwashed into believing is some kind of fairytale ultimate goal in life that will make everything golden and perfect. Men go along with it becuase they like the sex and think it will continue. Then after a year or two the resentment kicks in becuase the women isn't living the fairytale and the sex had dried up for the guy. Throw in some kids and the resentment increases immeasurably.

I've made huge sweeping generalisations there but I think in all kinds of varying degrees it boils down to marriage being an archaic and flawed idea that costs alot of money and causes a lot of grief.

How many long term married people are truly happy? I've went to three weddings in the past few years and two have ended in divorce already.

And to think the gays are fighting for this shit!

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Well next week is my mum and dad's 65th wedding anniversary.

Maybe you're right and it won't work out for them.

Otis said:

Well next week is my mum and dad's 65th wedding anniversary.

Maybe you're right and it won't work out for them.

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Early days yet, your mum is probably on Tinder scoping out other men


There are exceptions to the rule of course. Congratulations to them!

shmmeee said:

You know when I went to post this I thought "what kind of saddo are you asking Internet strangers for help". But you lot are the best internet strangers.

Thanks again for all the advice. About to go pick the eldest up from school, take her over there and break the news. Wish me luck.

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Really sad to hear all this Shmmeee and I wish you all the best.

Strangers can often be helpful, as they are impartial, and are more likely to understand than many close to you through experience themselves

I genuinely hope it works out, either way, but always remember; your kids are what matters most, you'll always meet new people and the people on here/SBA will always be there for you

PUSB!

Nick said:

This place is getting a bit soppy nowadays! Give it until June and there will be pillow parties being arranged instead of fights at the Jimmy Hill Statue :emoji_kissing_heart:

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Sorry to hear shmmeee... thankfully I've dodged the marriage bullet for 13 years. Been a rocky road so can sympathise with you in areas and as you will find it pulls hard on your heart not seeing your kids daily.
There will be light at the end of the tunnel which ever the outcome maybe. Only advice I can give is what a mates Mrs told me once a few years ago... Stay strong and upbeat, remain smart and never lose focus. No women likes a weak man. Huge turn off.
May or may not be of use but don't let it defeat you, you'll have bad days but the good will follow.
Stay positive

fellatio_Martinez said:

How many long term married people are truly happy?

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How long do you mean?

Nearly 16 years. One of the rare ones to be truly happy. But went through countless relationships looking for the right one.

What I see as being important is having time apart. Having trust in each other goes a long way. When we got married most of my family said it wouldn't work. The funny thing is they are not together but we are.

The right person is out there for everyone. The trouble is finding that person.

Astute said:

How long do you mean?

Nearly 16 years. One of the rare ones to be truly happy. But went through countless relationships looking for the right one.

What I see as being important is having time apart. Having trust in each other goes a long way. When we got married most of my family said it wouldn't work. The funny thing is they are not together but we are.

The right person is out there for everyone. The trouble is finding that person.

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Yeah 16 years is definitely long. It sounds like you went about things the right way. I'm in a relationship now and she always talks about engagement and wants marriage but I'm very content with just living our lives together and seeing how things go.

I'll not be rushed into such a massive decision. Is that heartless or just sensible?

fellatio_Martinez said:

I think marriage is a crock of shit and something women have been brainwashed into believing is some kind of fairytale ultimate goal in life that will make everything golden and perfect. Men go along with it becuase they like the sex and think it will continue. Then after a year or two the resentment kicks in becuase the women isn't living the fairytale and the sex had dried up for the guy. Throw in some kids and the resentment increases immeasurably.

I've made huge sweeping generalisations there but I think in all kinds of varying degrees it boils down to marriage being an archaic and flawed idea that costs alot of money and causes a lot of grief.

How many long term married people are truly happy? I've went to three weddings in the past few years and two have ended in divorce already.

And to think the gays are fighting for this shit!

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20 years pretty happy thanks

covcity4life said:

Instant equaliser can hopefully be a real catalyst for us today

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Spaz hahaha

skybluedan said:

Spaz hahaha

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Haha.
I responded to a text in the matchday thread yesterday with a Ciggy order to someone returning from Abu -dabi.