'A lot has happened since I last entered the Ricoh: in a victory for democracy and an abject disaster for holiday goers nationwide, Great the-grass-definitely-looks-greener Britain annexed itself from Europe, consigning middle England to a lifetime of damp summers in Bognor, eating plentiful North Sea fish while trying not to stab family members; England bombed out of the Euros in traditionally galling style; Donald Trump has overtaken clowns as the scariest joke of all time; and a fire drill was staged in Coventry’s first-team dressing room which everyone took a bit too seriously.'