tricky work situations (1 Viewer)

richnrg · Mar 27, 2018

There are 5 of us in the office at work, 4 blokes and a girl. Technically I am the 'boss' of 3 of them, including the girl. We have one open plan office with a shared toilet room in the corner.

My tricky situation is this. Every now and again I have a tremendous dump. I am courteous enough to use copious quantities of 'spray' afterwards, but despite this the toilet remains effectively 'out of action' for a good 20 minutes or so later. Unfortunately, the 'girl' always seems to need a piss immediately after I have emerged and makes her way past my desk and into the bog nearby. I can only imagine the look on her face as she takes her first breath with the door shut and is surely on the verge of retching. Minutes later I am careful to be looking the other way to avoid eye contact on her reappearance.

We are not really at the "I'd give that 10 minutes if I were you, love" level of relationship, but still feel responsible/ashamed that I have could possibly have avoided putting her through this torture. What can I do to prevent it in the future? Any advice appreciated.

Deleted member 5849 · Mar 27, 2018

Go outside and shit in a bush.

henry the wasp · Mar 27, 2018

Nappies

wingy · Mar 27, 2018

She's probably happy enough as you've warmed the seat.

SBAndy · Mar 27, 2018

richnrg said:
There are 5 of us in the office at work, 4 blokes and a girl. Technically I am the 'boss' of 3 of them, including the girl. We have one open plan office with a shared toilet room in the corner.

My tricky situation is this. Every now and again I have a tremendous dump. I am courteous enough to use copious quantities of 'spray' afterwards, but despite this the toilet remains effectively 'out of action' for a good 20 minutes or so later. Unfortunately, the 'girl' always seems to need a piss immediately after I have emerged and makes her way past my desk and into the bog nearby. I can only imagine the look on her face as she takes her first breath with the door shut and is surely on the verge of retching. Minutes later I am careful to be looking the other way to avoid eye contact on her reappearance.

We are not really at the "I'd give that 10 minutes if I were you, love" level of relationship, but still feel responsible/ashamed that I have could possibly have avoided putting her through this torture. What can I do to prevent it in the future? Any advice appreciated.

If she's going in straight after you have a dump every time, maybe it's a weird fetish?

Otis · Mar 27, 2018

richnrg said:
There are 5 of us in the office at work, 4 blokes and a girl. Technically I am the 'boss' of 3 of them, including the girl. We have one open plan office with a shared toilet room in the corner.

My tricky situation is this. Every now and again I have a tremendous dump. I am courteous enough to use copious quantities of 'spray' afterwards, but despite this the toilet remains effectively 'out of action' for a good 20 minutes or so later. Unfortunately, the 'girl' always seems to need a piss immediately after I have emerged and makes her way past my desk and into the bog nearby. I can only imagine the look on her face as she takes her first breath with the door shut and is surely on the verge of retching. Minutes later I am careful to be looking the other way to avoid eye contact on her reappearance.

We are not really at the "I'd give that 10 minutes if I were you, love" level of relationship, but still feel responsible/ashamed that I have could possibly have avoided putting her through this torture. What can I do to prevent it in the future? Any advice appreciated.

Interesting to note that she always goes just after you've been.

Maybe she enjoys the smell, you know like dogs always sniff around shit when you take them for a walk.

Go up to her and ask her if she likes her tummy tickled. If she doesn't answer, just fling a pencil at her from your side of the office and see if she catches it with her teeth.

Gazolba · Mar 27, 2018

richnrg said:
There are 5 of us in the office at work, 4 blokes and a girl. Technically I am the 'boss' of 3 of them, including the girl. We have one open plan office with a shared toilet room in the corner.

My tricky situation is this. Every now and again I have a tremendous dump. I am courteous enough to use copious quantities of 'spray' afterwards, but despite this the toilet remains effectively 'out of action' for a good 20 minutes or so later. Unfortunately, the 'girl' always seems to need a piss immediately after I have emerged and makes her way past my desk and into the bog nearby. I can only imagine the look on her face as she takes her first breath with the door shut and is surely on the verge of retching. Minutes later I am careful to be looking the other way to avoid eye contact on her reappearance.

We are not really at the "I'd give that 10 minutes if I were you, love" level of relationship, but still feel responsible/ashamed that I have could possibly have avoided putting her through this torture. What can I do to prevent it in the future? Any advice appreciated.

Install an extractor fan.

shmmeee · Mar 27, 2018

Get one of those Japanese toilet seats on expenses, the ones that have an extractor fan and deodorant.

Nick · Mar 27, 2018

Leave her random notes pinned to the wall.

Otis · Mar 27, 2018

If you want the honest, serious answer, double flush!

Do your business and immediately flush before you start to use the toilet roll. That gets rid of a lot of the smell before it can spread around the room.

Then use toilet paper and flush again when you have finished wiping.

All the time you are using the toilet roll the smell is spreading, but if you flush first then the cause of the smell has gone and you only have a smidgen of residue smell left from when you were in the motion.

Definitely does help! Will drive the Green Party mad though with all that double flushing.

wingy · Mar 27, 2018

Have a fag while you're in there that should kill it.
Surely this day and age there should be designated male/female

dancers lance · Mar 27, 2018

Otis said:
If you want the honest, serious answer, double flush!

Do your business and immediately flush before you start to use the toilet roll. That gets rid of a lot of the smell before it can spread around the room.

Then use toilet paper and flush again when you have finished wiping.

All the time you are using the toilet roll the smell is spreading, but if you flush first then the cause of the smell has gone and you only have a smidgen of residue smell left from when you were in the motion.

Definitely does help! Will drive the Green Party mad though with all that double flushing.

I often use this technique Otis, I spend a lot of time working in customers homes and sometimes you gotta go. Thing is, I never know what kind of number two it will be, a real stinker, middle of the road or the ghost turd, the turd that extracts itself so smoothly that it leaves no trace nor smell, It's out and round the U-bend before you can even catch a glimpse. The ghost turd is often followed by the 'glory wipe' not a trace. I find trying to mask the smell with spray often makes things worse, it just smells like someone has sprayed perfume on a shit.

Otis · Mar 27, 2018

dancers lance said:
I often use this technique Otis, I spend a lot of time working in customers homes and sometimes you gotta go. Thing is, I never know what kind of number two it will be, a real stinker, middle of the road or the ghost turd, the turd that extracts itself so smoothly that it leaves no trace nor smell, It's out and round the U-bend before you can even catch a glimpse. The ghost turd is often followed by the 'glory wipe' not a trace. I find trying to mask the smell with spray often makes things worse, it just smells like someone has sprayed perfume on a shit.

And that sounds like something on the McDonald's breakfast menu.

rob9872 · Mar 27, 2018

Don' flush at all and leave a floater. She'll be embarrassed and probably won' follow you in again

wingy · Mar 27, 2018

dancers lance said:
I often use this technique Otis, I spend a lot of time working in customers homes and sometimes you gotta go. Thing is, I never know what kind of number two it will be, a real stinker, middle of the road or the ghost turd, the turd that extracts itself so smoothly that it leaves no trace nor smell, It's out and round the U-bend before you can even catch a glimpse. The ghost turd is often followed by the 'glory wipe' not a trace. I find trying to mask the smell with spray often makes things worse, it just smells like someone has sprayed perfume on a shit.

Ahh the ghoster a rare,surprising feat that leaves you incredulous in disbelief.
Not to be confused with working a 24-36 hr shift .

Mild-Mannered Janitor · Mar 27, 2018

Knock one out afterwards to confuse the smell

no_loyalty · Mar 27, 2018

If she's fit, ask her to come with you next time

Johnnythespider · Mar 27, 2018

When you start to feel the urge, turn on the taps and the sound of running water should get her to take a piss before you go in after for a dump.

dancers lance · Mar 27, 2018

I used to work with a guy that would go for a dump at 10:00am every day, he would stand up from his desk, get his paper out of his drawer and pluck his pile cream from his pen holder on his desk (yes, he kept it in the pen holder) he would walk back into the office, put his paper away and pop his pile cream back into the holder. For about 10 minutes after he would keep smelling the fingers on his right hand, still makes me shudder.

BodicoteSkyBlue · Mar 28, 2018

dancers lance said:
I often use this technique Otis, I spend a lot of time working in customers homes and sometimes you gotta go. Thing is, I never know what kind of number two it will be, a real stinker, middle of the road or the ghost turd, the turd that extracts itself so smoothly that it leaves no trace nor smell, It's out and round the U-bend before you can even catch a glimpse. The ghost turd is often followed by the 'glory wipe' not a trace. I find trying to mask the smell with spray often makes things worse, it just smells like someone has sprayed perfume on a shit.

Never fails to surprise does the Ghost Turd. Currently on holiday in India, I’d bet the rest of my years salery I won’t be seeing a ghost turd or glory wipe!!

sotv1987 · Mar 28, 2018

Funniest thread I've read, proper cheered me up! A double flush is a must!!!!

covmark · Mar 28, 2018

A double flush is also necessary just in case you get that annoying floater that refuses to piss off down the u bend.
You need to hope that it disappears with the double flush. Triple flushing is a nightmare. Having to wait for the cistern to fill back up, always flushing too early and it hasn't refilled completely, leading you on to a quadruple flush. It's a minefield.
Don't get me started on blockages!

Sent from my SM-G930F using Tapatalk

Westendlad · Mar 28, 2018

sotv1987 said:
Funniest thread I've read, proper cheered me up! A double flush is a must!!!!

Shit thread..

richnrg · Mar 28, 2018

i always double (and because of the stench, sometimes triple) flush, but haven't tried the shit-flush-wipe-flush technique, which I will action today.

And someone may be right about that fetish. No sooner had I taken a shit this morning that said employee was in there like a flash.

Nick · Mar 28, 2018

richnrg said:
i always double (and because of the stench, sometimes triple) flush, but haven't tried the shit-flush-wipe-flush technique, which I will action today.

And someone may be right about that fetish. No sooner had I taken a shit this morning that said employee was in there like a flash.

I didn't know about flushing before the flush before the wipe.

Apparently it mean's it goes quicker so doesn't smell as much. The wife taught me it about 4 months ago when she needed to brush her teeth and I was going to shit myself

It seemed to work.

You need to be quizzing if she likes the smell, you should ask her if she shares a cup sometimes with her friend when they have a drink. Then if she says yeah just say "ah 2 girls 1 cup" and see if she gets it.

richnrg · Mar 28, 2018

Nick said:
I didn't know about flushing before the flush before the wipe.

The wife taught me it about 4 months ago when she needed to brush her teeth and I was going to shit myself
.

you should tell your wife to use the bowl with the taps.

Terry Gibson's perm · Mar 28, 2018

Air wick Vipoo sounds like the answer

shmmeee · Mar 28, 2018

Why not just change your diet?

Or get some of these; Reduce your fart power by scenting them like chocolate

robbieray · Mar 28, 2018

Mild-Mannered Janitor said:
Knock one out afterwards to confuse the smell

That's what the dump was

richnrg · Mar 28, 2018

shmmeee said:
Why not just change your diet?

I've tried changing my diet many times, but no matter what I eat, it always seems to be SHIT that comes out of my arse, unfortunately.

Otis · Mar 28, 2018

richnrg said:
I've tried changing my diet many times, but no matter what I eat, it always seems to be SHIT that comes out of my arse, unfortunately.

I'm a veggie, so mine comes out as a combination of lentils and soya milk.

Liquid Gold · Mar 28, 2018

Have you tried going in there before you need a shit and just having a break for 5 minutes then after she goes in you can follow her. Maybe she's using your smell to mask her own.

robbieray · Mar 28, 2018

I went to see my Dr, I said to him I keep going for a shit at 6 every morning, he replied what's wrong with that I said I don't get up till 7

shmmeee · Mar 28, 2018

richnrg said:
I've tried changing my diet many times, but no matter what I eat, it always seems to be SHIT that comes out of my arse, unfortunately.

Try nothing but boiled eggs.

Then nothing will come out your arse. Ever.

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