Trump is my favourite comedian of the year already (81 Viewers)

ajsccfc · Jun 21, 2020

My one-year old daughter's just learned to hold her cup with one hand, we were less impressed than MAGA fuckwits watching the apparent leader of the free world do it in his 70s.

wingy · Jun 21, 2020

I see there appears to have been a campaign through tiktok to book all the empty seats

chiefdave · Jun 21, 2020

wingy said:
I see there appears to have been a campaign through tiktok to book all the empty seats

Trumps campaign manager was boasting they'd shifted 1m tickets (they were free) for an arena that holds 19K. They were so confident people were showing up they set up a second stage outside for the people that couldn't get in! Given there was no limit on the number of tickets issued there was no problem with all the Trump supporters who wanted to attend getting tickets.

There's reports that once they realised they were in the shit they started desperately sending text mail shots to try and get the numbers up.

Now they're trying to claim it was actually a success and that thousands of people were locked out!

skybluetony176 · Jun 22, 2020

David O'Day · Jun 22, 2020

Trump campaign rejects low turnout manipulation
Why are they trying to disprove the only get out they have for the piss poor turn out

skybluetony176 · Jun 22, 2020

David O'Day said:
Trump campaign rejects low turnout manipulation
Why are they trying to disprove the only get out they have for the piss poor turn out

They even went to the trouble of building a second stage outside so he could do two addresses they believed so many were coming.

David O'Day · Jun 22, 2020

skybluetony176 said:
They even went to the trouble of building a second stage outside so he could do two addresses they believed so many were coming.

As the mooch said "it's a shame when your farewell tour doesn't sell out"

Brighton Sky Blue · Jun 22, 2020

Dr Fauci has now admitted they were wrong with their advice on masks being ineffective.

chiefdave · Jun 22, 2020

David O'Day said:
Trump campaign rejects low turnout manipulation
Why are they trying to disprove the only get out they have for the piss poor turn out

If they had 1m ticket requests as they claimed even if just 2% were genuine the arena would have been full. Although they're also now claiming the arena wasn't half empty despite the fact the event was covered live and everyone could see it was. They're also claiming protesters outside prevented people getting in despite there being no actual evidence of that happening.

Would be laughable except for the fact his supporters believe this rubbish.

ajsccfc · Jun 22, 2020

At his rally during a time of a global pandemic, demonstrations against police brutality and racial tensions, he spent quarter of an hour rambling about the media and how good he is at walking down ramps and drinking water:

“You know, it was interesting. To show you how fake they are. You might have seen it. So last week they called me, and they say, ‘Sir, West Point. West Point. We’re ready.’ I said, ‘Oh that’s right, I have to make a commencement speech at West Point.’ You know they delayed it for six weeks because of COVID. So they delayed it.

“And I went there, 1106 cadets were graduating, and beautiful. Beautiful cadets. So, just to show you how bad the fake news is. So, they say to me, ‘Sir! We’re ready to go.’ I say, ‘Let’s go!’ This is after saying hello to a lot of cadets; inspecting little areas of a building. That was very exciting, actually, it’s beautiful, very old. Studied a lot of our great generals, some of our presidents that went there. West Point is beautiful. Right on the Hudson River.

“But after an hour – the general that runs it is a fantastic guy – after an hour, we land, we do some more inspections and they say, ‘Sir are you ready?’ ‘Yes, I am.’ So we walk like, the equivalent of about three blocks, which was fine. We go on stage, which is fine. They make some speeches, then I make a speech. It lasted a long time, I don’t know, maybe 45 minutes, maybe longer, I don’t know, but a long time.

“The sun is pouring down on me. OK? But they said to me before the speech, ‘Sir! Would you like to salute each cadet, each single cadet? Or maybe they’ll be in groups of two. Would you like to salute? Like this, yes. Like this.

“Almost six hundred times. Do you know what that is? Six hundred times. Thank god they were in twos. Cause let me tell you, you do that six hundred times, you go home and you say – it’s like doing a workout without a weight, right? Six hundred times.

“So I did that. Then the incredible helicopters, brand new, gorgeous helicopters, the Apaches and the other new ones that we just bought, so they fly over. And the kids throw the hats in the air, it’s beautiful, it really is, and it was a beautiful day. And we’re all finished. I was on the stage for hours. Hours! Sun – I came home, I had a nice tan. Meaning I had a nice sunburn. The sun’s going right, like that.

“But I make the speech. Right? I salute for, probably an hour-and-a-half. Maybe more, but around that. Watch, if I’m off by two minutes, they’ll say, ‘He exaggerated! It was only an hour and 25 minutes. He exaggerated, he lied. He lied, he’s a liar.’ These people are sick, the fake news.

“So then, I finish saluting my final salute, I said, ‘Thank goodness, thank you very much.’ But think of it. So, essentially, almost six hundred times. Now, the general says, ‘Sir, are you ready?’ I said, ‘I’m ready general. Where are we going now?’ You have to understand, I left early in the morning to get there. Now it’s sort of late in the afternoon.

“A lot of these fakers were with us, so they know. He said, ‘Sir! We can now leave the stage.’ I said, ‘That’s great general, let’s go, I’ll follow you.’

“And he goes like this, ‘Right here, sir.’ And I walk off.

“And the stage was higher than this one. And the ramp was probably 10 yards long. I say, ‘General!’ Now you’ve got to understand, I’ve got the whole corps of cadets looking at me. And I want them to love their President; I did this big thing. I love them, I love them, they’re incredible, and they do.

“I said, ‘General! I’ve got myself a problem, general. Because I’m wearing leather-bottomed shoes.’ Which is good if you’re walking on flat surfaces. It’s not good for ramps. And if I fall down – look at all those press back there, look at that.

“And this was a steel ramp. You all saw it, because everybody saw it. This was a steel ramp, it had no handrail. It was like an ice-skating rink. And I said, ‘General, I have a problem.’ And he didn’t understand that at first.

“I said, ‘There’s no way!’ You understand, I just saluted almost six hundred times, I just made a big speech. I sat for other speeches. I’m being baked. I’m being baked like a cake! I said, ‘General, there’s no way I can make it down that ramp without falling on my ass, general. I have no railing.’ True. It’s true!

“So I said, ‘Is there like something else around?’ ‘Sir, the ramp is ready to go! Grab me, sir! Grab me.’ I didn’t really want to grab him. You know why? Because I said, ‘That’ll be a story too.’ So now I have a choice, I can stay up there for another couple of hours and wait till I’m rescued, or I can go down this really steep, really, really really – it’s an ice-skating rink, it’s brutal.

“So I said, ‘General, get ready, because I may grab you so fast.’ Because I can’t fall with the fake news watching. If I fall – I remember when President Ford fell out of the plane. You remember? I remember when another president, nice man, threw up in Japan. And they did slow motion replays. True! Right? It’s true. ‘I don’t want that, general.’

“Now he’s standing, big strong guy, and he’s got these shoes. But they’re loaded with rubber on the bottom. Cause I looked. The first thing I did, I looked at his shoes. Then I looked at mine. Very, very slippery.

“So I end up saying, ‘OK general, let’s go, I will only grab you if I need you.’ That’s not a good story; falling would be a disaster. It turned out to be worse than anything. I would have been better off if I fell and slid down the damn ramp. Right?

“So what happens, is I start the journey! Inch by inch, right? And I was really bent over too, you know, I didn’t like that. I didn’t like this picture. This picture I’m sure will be an ad by the fakers. So I was bent over, right?

“And then we finally reached almost the end! And the fake news, the most dishonest human beings, they cut it off. You know why? Because when I was 10 feet short, I said, ‘General, I’m sorry, I’m -,’ and then I ran down the rest, right? I looked very handsome. That was the only good part.

“I wouldn’t want to run down the whole thing, because a fall there would definitely be bad. So I took these little steps, I ran down the last 10. And by the way, their tape – take a look. In almost every instance, it ends just before I run. And they said, it was the number one trending story.

“I call my wife. I said, ‘How good was that speech? I thought it was a-’, hey look, I’ll tell you when I make good ones and bad ones. Like, so far, tonight I’m average. But we’re having fun. We’re having fun. So far tonight.

ajsccfc · Jun 22, 2020

“But I call my wife and I said, ‘How good was it darling?’ She said, ‘You’re trending number one.’ I said, to our great First Lady I said, ‘Let me ask you a question. Was it that good, the speech, that I’m trending number one? Because I felt it was really good.’ ‘No no, they don’t even mention the speech. They mention the fact that you may have Parkinson’s disease. It’s true. It’s true!

“They say, ‘There’s something wrong with our President!’ I’ll let you know if there’s something wrong, OK? I’ll let you know if there’s something – I’ll tell you what, there’s something wrong with Biden. That I can tell you. So then my wife said, ‘Well, it wasn’t only the ramp. Did you have water?’

“I said, ‘Yeah, I was speaking for a long time. I didn’t want to drink it, but I wanted to wet my lips a little bit.’ You know, you’re working hard up there with the sun, pouring down on you. I love this location, the sun’s like this. This way they save on lighting, right? That’s why they did it, probably.

“So what happens is, I said, ‘What does it have to do with water?’ They said, ‘You couldn’t lift your hand up to your mouth with water.’ I said, ‘I just saluted six hundred times! Like this. And this was before I saluted. So what’s the problem?’ And she said, ‘Well I know what you did. You had on a very good red tie. That’s sort of expensive.’ It’s silk, because they look better. They have a better sheen to them.

“And I don’t want to get water on the tie. And I don’t want to drink much. So I lift it up, the water. I see we have a little glass of water, where the hell did this water come from? Where did it come from!? And I look down at my tie, because I’ve done it. I’ve taken water, and it spills down onto your tie, it doesn’t look good for a long time. And frankly the tie is never the same.

“So I put it up to my lip, and then I say – because I don’t want it! Just in case. And they gave me another disease. They gave me another disease. (He drinks some water. The crowd goes bananas. He throws the glass away. The crowd starts chanting, ‘Four more years!’)

“Anyway that’s a long story. But here’s the story. I have lived with the ramp and the water since I left West Point. Not one media group said I made a good speech, or I made a great speech.

“But the kids loved it because they broke their barrier, which wasn’t good in terms of COVID. But they broke their barrier and they wanted to shake hands, they wanted to – and I don’t want to tell anybody, but there were a couple of kids, they put out their hand; I actually shook their hand. OK? I actually shook it. Cause they were excited. They were excited!

“They were with their President, they were excited. The most beautiful, young people. Men, women. The most beautiful young people you’ve ever seen. Think about how you feel, if you’re me.

“So I go there. ‘How did I do?’ ‘Sir, that was a great speech.’ You know, all my people. ‘Sir, that was one of your best, that was great.’ And I say, ‘That’s great, I agree, it was a good speech. I liked that speech.’

“They don’t mention the speech. But they have me going down this ramp at an inch at a time. It’s so unfair. It really is. So unfair. They are among the most dishonest people anywhere on Earth. They’re bad people. Bad people. OK, that’s enough of that. I wanted to tell that story.”

I remember when I first watched Idiocracy, thinking it was a satire rather than a documentary sent from the future

chiefdave · Jun 23, 2020

Idiots can't even stick to the same story

Sky_Blue_Dreamer · Jul 9, 2020

Once again that feeling of being in the Matrix is returning.

Just when you thought you couldn't get anyone more deluded and crazy than Trump up crops Kanye!

David O'Day · Jul 9, 2020

Sky_Blue_Dreamer said:
Once again that feeling of being in the Matrix is returning.

Just when you thought you couldn't get anyone more deluded and crazy than Trump up crops Kanye!

There's a definite mental health issue there. If he does run (which is unlikely as he's missed the dates to appear on the ballot in most states and other states have rules about who is allowed appear based on previous votes received) can you imagine who he's going to react when both the democrat and republican party machines get stuck into him.

chiefdave · Jul 9, 2020

David O'Day said:
There's a definite mental health issue there. If he does run (which is unlikely as he's missed the dates to appear on the ballot in most states and other states have rules about who is allowed appear based on previous votes received) can you imagine who he's going to react when both the democrat and republican party machines get stuck into him.

He's got a new album coming out, sure that is just a coincidence.

David O'Day · Jul 9, 2020

chiefdave said:
He's got a new album coming out, sure that is just a coincidence.

His albums are usually shite these days

wingy · Jul 9, 2020

Would anyone be looking for a Farage style vote splitting excercise?

skybluetony176 · Jul 9, 2020

If his recent run of luck in the US courts continue things might be about to get even worse for Trump US Supreme Court to rule on Trump tax returns

Sky_Blue_Dreamer · Jul 9, 2020

wingy said:
Would anyone be looking for a Farage style vote splitting excercise?

I would expect it to split the Republicans the most as that's pretty much the ticket he's running on. In fact he seems to have the madness of Trump with the religious zealotry of Pence. Most of Trump's base wouldn't vote for him because he's black. Maybe some impressionable youngsters would vote for him but he's hardly cutting edge anymore and more people know of him cos of his wife.

Can you imagine a Kardashian dynasty in politics? Again somehow we've taken what appeared to be the bottom of the barrel and potentially found a new one.

You'd think most people would just look at him and laugh but the way things keep going I'm not willing to stick my neck out. But part of me wants to see him run just for the car crash in the debates. It'd be hilarious. Only person I've ever seen Trump look at and his expression say "you're absolutely crazy!" And he doesn't take criticism well so when the pile on begins the meltdown would be epic.

Sky_Blue_Dreamer · Jul 9, 2020

David O'Day said:
His albums are usually shite these days

Was the 'these days' necessary?

David O'Day · Jul 9, 2020

Sky_Blue_Dreamer said:
Was the 'these days' necessary?

The college dropout and late registration are great albums

skybluetony176 · Jul 9, 2020

Looks like his recent run of bad luck in the US courts continue Trump 'must hand over records to NY prosecutors'

David O'Day · Jul 9, 2020

Sky_Blue_Dreamer said:
I would expect it to split the Republicans the most as that's pretty much the ticket he's running on. In fact he seems to have the madness of Trump with the religious zealotry of Pence. Most of Trump's base wouldn't vote for him because he's black. Maybe some impressionable youngsters would vote for him but he's hardly cutting edge anymore and more people know of him cos of his wife.

Can you imagine a Kardashian dynasty in politics? Again somehow we've taken what appeared to be the bottom of the barrel and potentially found a new one.

You'd think most people would just look at him and laugh but the way things keep going I'm not willing to stick my neck out. But part of me wants to see him run just for the car crash in the debates. It'd be hilarious. Only person I've ever seen Trump look at and his expression say "you're absolutely crazy!" And he doesn't take criticism well so when the pile on begins the meltdown would be epic.

Yeah the democrat voters and independents aren't going to touch an anti abortion and anti vaccine third party ticket.

He is also the man who couldn't even protect his own phone password.

chiefdave · Jul 9, 2020

David O'Day said:
Yeah the democrat voters and independents aren't going to touch an anti abortion and anti vaccine third party ticket.

He is also the man who couldn't even protect his own phone password.

If we've learnt anything the last few years it should be never discount people doing something incredibly stupid that isn't in their best interests.

David O'Day · Jul 9, 2020

chiefdave said:
If we've learnt anything the last few years it should be never discount people doing something incredibly stupid that isn't in their best interests.

not going to happen

chiefdave · Jul 9, 2020

Trumps not having a good day and is having a full on meltdown on twitter. So far he's been overruled by the CDC on schools reopening, lost in the Supreme Court with his own picks voting against him and will now likely have to release his tax returns and Black Lives Matter is being painted on the road outside Trump Tower.

ajsccfc · Jul 9, 2020

THE ONLY REASON THERE ARE SO MANY BABIES IS BECAUSE WE SELL SO MANY PREGNANCY TESTS

Sky_Blue_Dreamer · Jul 9, 2020

ajsccfc said:
THE ONLY REASON THERE ARE SO MANY BABIES IS BECAUSE WE SELL SO MANY PREGNANCY TESTS

he also doesn't seem to understand basic maths. For the 1/100th time?

Why not ban testing then have no cases or deaths from Covid. Problem solved. Fake news and scaremongering.

fernandopartridge · Jul 9, 2020

I reckon Trump is sniffed up to fuck half the time, nobody rambles like that

clint van damme · Jul 11, 2020

Trump commutes sentence of Roger Stone, longtime friend and adviser

no surprise

SBAndy · Jul 11, 2020

clint van damme said:
Trump commutes sentence of Roger Stone, longtime friend and adviser

no surprise

Cronyism of the highest order. You’ve gotta love it*

*of course, a joke.

chiefdave · Jul 11, 2020

Who comes up with these mental ideas?
House committee’s vote to bomb Nevada is a stunning betrayal

chiefdave · Jul 14, 2020

Trump finally wins in court. Except its his niece, Mary Trump.

David O'Day · Jul 15, 2020

Shockingly it looks like Kanye is already out of the 2020 race

ajsccfc · Jul 15, 2020

New albums Presidential Dropout followed by Vote Registration should be absolute crackers

Trump is my favourite comedian of the year already (81 Viewers)

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