"Sometimes, no matter how hard we try, the time comes when we realize that the relationship is over. Rest assured though, if you have been in this relationship for any length of time, people are experiencing a form of loss to varying degrees. Typically, we view this time as an ending. The chapter has concluded and now it is time to turn the page.
Turning the page on a particularly deep relationship, especially if you were not ready for it to end, is often hard. We, the one left behind, are left with a swirl of questions, and often, few immediate answers.
Modern psychology tells us the second most intense life stress (after death) is divorce or loss of a love relationship, ok a football club, to most of us, isn't on the same level as a death or divorce, but it is an important part of many of our lives. The feelings of excruciating pain, loss, and depression are real emotions not to be ignored, buried, or minimized. We must allow our emotions to run their course if we are ever going to regain our ability to get on with our lives.
Though you may not realize it, you are probably grieving and that grief is perfectly healthy and normal.
Everyone deals with grief differently. What we are all clearly in search of is to experience some form of comfort during a difficult time.
David Kessler and Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in their book, On Death and Dying, provided the modern psychological world with a widely accepted model of the five stages of grief. Below is an adaptation of these stages as it pertains to the loss of a relationship: I.e CCFC. Please, I really am not trying to be patronising.
1. Denial
The body’s natural defense system works to protect us from threatening situations during the initial stages. You may find yourself operating on “cruise control”. You are going through the normal, everyday activities of your life, but you are only vaguely aware of what is happening. You are, in all actuality, only “going through the motions”. It is common to expect to find optimistic solution, (ccfc won't go to ntfc, sisu will see sense, all parties will come to the table and sort out a deal) and this whole situation will be explained as a simple misunderstanding.
2. Anger
This is the beginning of the heartache. You will allow your anger to rage. You might want to protest, blame different parties, start campaigns, you might rehash details of the relationship over and over again questioning everything that was said or done. You might beat yourself up over ever allowing yourself to get taken in by the sisu in the first place.
3. Bargaining
It is common in this stage to rehash the past, but not in the way you did before. Now you are reliving the good times and often with rose-colored glasses. You remember the good times and you begin to view the bad times as not that bad after all. There have been a few nostalgia videos/pics/good times threads recently surfacing. Here you may find yourself plotting ways to get your club back, but often by sacrificing your needs..
4. Depression
Your anger and scheming has finally subsided and now you have hit bottom. This is, with out a doubt, the most painful stage. Here you will question if you can ever be happy again. The finality of the situation has set in to your mind. It is over and now you know it. Often, this stage is where the feelings of loss and hopelessness are strongest.
5. Acceptance
Time can heal all wounds, but time alone will not be enough. During this stage, we come to grips with the raging tide of emotions. We have ended the internal struggle and have completed the healing process of grief.
You may see yourself within one of these five stages right now. It is important to remember that the emotions you are feeling are natural. You are emotionally healing. Embrace this time and allow yourself to move steadily through each stage.
You should be aware that continuing to struggle with your grief may cause you to remain within one stage for an extended period of time and even cause you to fall back into an earlier stage. As is always the case with human beings, everyone is different. You may progress quickly or you may linger in each stage far longer than you would like. Whatever the case, it is important not to put a time limit on yourself. Your mind and body will know when it is time to move on and forcing yourself to move on before they are ready can lead to further complications.
Facing the end of a relationship, even a football club, is difficult to say the least. But, it is my sincere hope that you will find comfort in knowing that the overwhelming range of emotions you are experiencing are completely normal, healthy and most importantly temporary.
And so the chapter has finished. It’s ok to pause and collect your thoughts. It is not the end of the book. Ahead of you lie many more pages of joy, fulfillment, and adventure. When you are ready, you will turn the page and whole new chapter will begin."
When you are ready, we will be here for you. https://www.facebook.com/Coventry1883
Turning the page on a particularly deep relationship, especially if you were not ready for it to end, is often hard. We, the one left behind, are left with a swirl of questions, and often, few immediate answers.
Modern psychology tells us the second most intense life stress (after death) is divorce or loss of a love relationship, ok a football club, to most of us, isn't on the same level as a death or divorce, but it is an important part of many of our lives. The feelings of excruciating pain, loss, and depression are real emotions not to be ignored, buried, or minimized. We must allow our emotions to run their course if we are ever going to regain our ability to get on with our lives.
Though you may not realize it, you are probably grieving and that grief is perfectly healthy and normal.
Everyone deals with grief differently. What we are all clearly in search of is to experience some form of comfort during a difficult time.
David Kessler and Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross in their book, On Death and Dying, provided the modern psychological world with a widely accepted model of the five stages of grief. Below is an adaptation of these stages as it pertains to the loss of a relationship: I.e CCFC. Please, I really am not trying to be patronising.
1. Denial
The body’s natural defense system works to protect us from threatening situations during the initial stages. You may find yourself operating on “cruise control”. You are going through the normal, everyday activities of your life, but you are only vaguely aware of what is happening. You are, in all actuality, only “going through the motions”. It is common to expect to find optimistic solution, (ccfc won't go to ntfc, sisu will see sense, all parties will come to the table and sort out a deal) and this whole situation will be explained as a simple misunderstanding.
2. Anger
This is the beginning of the heartache. You will allow your anger to rage. You might want to protest, blame different parties, start campaigns, you might rehash details of the relationship over and over again questioning everything that was said or done. You might beat yourself up over ever allowing yourself to get taken in by the sisu in the first place.
3. Bargaining
It is common in this stage to rehash the past, but not in the way you did before. Now you are reliving the good times and often with rose-colored glasses. You remember the good times and you begin to view the bad times as not that bad after all. There have been a few nostalgia videos/pics/good times threads recently surfacing. Here you may find yourself plotting ways to get your club back, but often by sacrificing your needs..
4. Depression
Your anger and scheming has finally subsided and now you have hit bottom. This is, with out a doubt, the most painful stage. Here you will question if you can ever be happy again. The finality of the situation has set in to your mind. It is over and now you know it. Often, this stage is where the feelings of loss and hopelessness are strongest.
5. Acceptance
Time can heal all wounds, but time alone will not be enough. During this stage, we come to grips with the raging tide of emotions. We have ended the internal struggle and have completed the healing process of grief.
You may see yourself within one of these five stages right now. It is important to remember that the emotions you are feeling are natural. You are emotionally healing. Embrace this time and allow yourself to move steadily through each stage.
You should be aware that continuing to struggle with your grief may cause you to remain within one stage for an extended period of time and even cause you to fall back into an earlier stage. As is always the case with human beings, everyone is different. You may progress quickly or you may linger in each stage far longer than you would like. Whatever the case, it is important not to put a time limit on yourself. Your mind and body will know when it is time to move on and forcing yourself to move on before they are ready can lead to further complications.
Facing the end of a relationship, even a football club, is difficult to say the least. But, it is my sincere hope that you will find comfort in knowing that the overwhelming range of emotions you are experiencing are completely normal, healthy and most importantly temporary.
And so the chapter has finished. It’s ok to pause and collect your thoughts. It is not the end of the book. Ahead of you lie many more pages of joy, fulfillment, and adventure. When you are ready, you will turn the page and whole new chapter will begin."
When you are ready, we will be here for you. https://www.facebook.com/Coventry1883
