johnniericoh
Member
Wingy,
As promised - this is a tale of my exploits in Festerland
Phase 1 TICKET TO RIDE
It was back in 1999, Saturday the 23rd January, 4th Round of FA Cup with CCFC drawn away to Fester.
I wasn't really planning to go to this match and was watching telly and scoffing bacon butties when the phone rang and Paul revealed he had a spare ticket and a seat on a 13 seater minibus waiting to depart from the local pub.
I was there, naturally, in two minutes, paid my £7.50, received the ticket and off we went to Festerland. Arrived at Fester, settled down in a club just five minutes from the ground after which we set off to the ground and approach the turnstiles.
Last in the queue I finally get to pass my ticket to the turnstile lady and her ready smile suddenly changed to a scowl and she called out "officer, over here quickly" - my ticket was in fact a PHONEY a FRAUD a FALSITY - I was escorted out into the street by Plod, alone, Billy Nomates returning to the local club devastated.
What made it worse was that we thrashed fester 3-0 - Whelan (16), Froggatt (90), Telfer (90).
Phase 2 - FESTER HOSPITALITY
In high spirits we stopped for "refreshments" at the Cross Keys in Burbage, a nice quaint pub full of regulars, good food and ale and I started talking to the local ex-copper with him proudly boasting how quiet the village was and we were very welcome in his local.
About an hour later I looked up and saw a little weedy youth approach Craig, one of our team who happens to be a dead ringer for the DONK (the huge guy in a vest in the Crocodile Dundee film) and the weed declares "I suppose you lot are the f'ing Coventry scum" to which he suddenly turns, legs it out of the pub closely followed by the Donk and six more of our crew.
Seconds later there are sounds of breaking glass, yells, bangs and general mayhem. My new mate whispers "I think you had better go it could get serious" - so I turns into the corridor and through the broken glass door I can see our crew surrounded by about 12 Fester pratts with two of them hanging from the Donk, a few bodies on the floor, baseball bats and windscreen wipers swinging.
Yes, we had been set up and I was still in the pub (alone), minicoach nowhere in sight and a bevy of 6 fingured Fester fans waiting to dis-embowel me. So I had to run the gauntlet dodging and weaving (bearing in mind I was 56 at the time) and made it to the kerb when suddenly the minicoach arrives but was moving with the sliding doors open.
Still dodging baseball bats and other missiles I dived headlong into the safety of those sliding doors with helping hands pulling me through.
Phase 3 - LESSONS LEARNT ???
Having survived the Fester incident I could'nt believe it when Paul rang a few days later and said we are all going to Everton for the next round of the cup "there's a spare ticket going", are you coming ???
I yelled go forth and multiply you must be mad.
And guess what happened - yes the coach was ambushed with every single window bricked with one or two bloodied heads.
You could'nt make it up could you ???
PUSB
As promised - this is a tale of my exploits in Festerland
Phase 1 TICKET TO RIDE
It was back in 1999, Saturday the 23rd January, 4th Round of FA Cup with CCFC drawn away to Fester.
I wasn't really planning to go to this match and was watching telly and scoffing bacon butties when the phone rang and Paul revealed he had a spare ticket and a seat on a 13 seater minibus waiting to depart from the local pub.
I was there, naturally, in two minutes, paid my £7.50, received the ticket and off we went to Festerland. Arrived at Fester, settled down in a club just five minutes from the ground after which we set off to the ground and approach the turnstiles.
Last in the queue I finally get to pass my ticket to the turnstile lady and her ready smile suddenly changed to a scowl and she called out "officer, over here quickly" - my ticket was in fact a PHONEY a FRAUD a FALSITY - I was escorted out into the street by Plod, alone, Billy Nomates returning to the local club devastated.
What made it worse was that we thrashed fester 3-0 - Whelan (16), Froggatt (90), Telfer (90).
Phase 2 - FESTER HOSPITALITY
In high spirits we stopped for "refreshments" at the Cross Keys in Burbage, a nice quaint pub full of regulars, good food and ale and I started talking to the local ex-copper with him proudly boasting how quiet the village was and we were very welcome in his local.
About an hour later I looked up and saw a little weedy youth approach Craig, one of our team who happens to be a dead ringer for the DONK (the huge guy in a vest in the Crocodile Dundee film) and the weed declares "I suppose you lot are the f'ing Coventry scum" to which he suddenly turns, legs it out of the pub closely followed by the Donk and six more of our crew.
Seconds later there are sounds of breaking glass, yells, bangs and general mayhem. My new mate whispers "I think you had better go it could get serious" - so I turns into the corridor and through the broken glass door I can see our crew surrounded by about 12 Fester pratts with two of them hanging from the Donk, a few bodies on the floor, baseball bats and windscreen wipers swinging.
Yes, we had been set up and I was still in the pub (alone), minicoach nowhere in sight and a bevy of 6 fingured Fester fans waiting to dis-embowel me. So I had to run the gauntlet dodging and weaving (bearing in mind I was 56 at the time) and made it to the kerb when suddenly the minicoach arrives but was moving with the sliding doors open.
Still dodging baseball bats and other missiles I dived headlong into the safety of those sliding doors with helping hands pulling me through.
Phase 3 - LESSONS LEARNT ???
Having survived the Fester incident I could'nt believe it when Paul rang a few days later and said we are all going to Everton for the next round of the cup "there's a spare ticket going", are you coming ???
I yelled go forth and multiply you must be mad.
And guess what happened - yes the coach was ambushed with every single window bricked with one or two bloodied heads.
You could'nt make it up could you ???
PUSB
