Houchens Head
Fairly well known member from Malvern
Two brothers, so two wives (and also a fiancée so three in all)
Another confessions time anyone?? (3 Viewers)
- Thread starter Covkid1968#
- Start date
Houchens Head
Fairly well known member from Malvern
And me! I don't even fancy Samo!
mark82
Super Moderator
So why did you shag him?
skybluesam66
Well-Known Member
all at the same time?
christonabike
Well-Known Member
When I was 16 a lad up the road advertised a service for cutting grass and hedges etc in the local shop window, a right knob he was always picking on me when I walked home from school.
I though fuck it I’ve had enough so rang him up and pretended to be a neighbour across the road from me and said could he come round and chop a fruit tree in the middle of his front garden down as it was getting too hard to manage. He obliged and promptly turned up an hour later on his bike with all the tools in hand. I told him on the phone not to bother knocking the door as I would be out collecting the wife from work and would be back in time before the job was finished to pay him.
Fuck me he got straight to it and pulled out a huge fuck off saw from his ruck sack and cut the tree down! Just as it hit the ground the house holders wife care running out and went fucking mad. Next thing the police were called and hell broke loose with neighbours shouting and wrestling him to the ground. He protested his innocence but to no avail.
I just looked at it all unfold from the safety of my mum and dads bedroom! Without further delay he was put into the back of a police car and taken to his parents house so I was told the next day.
Serves the c**t right lol. Justice is a dish best served cold!
I though fuck it I’ve had enough so rang him up and pretended to be a neighbour across the road from me and said could he come round and chop a fruit tree in the middle of his front garden down as it was getting too hard to manage. He obliged and promptly turned up an hour later on his bike with all the tools in hand. I told him on the phone not to bother knocking the door as I would be out collecting the wife from work and would be back in time before the job was finished to pay him.
Fuck me he got straight to it and pulled out a huge fuck off saw from his ruck sack and cut the tree down! Just as it hit the ground the house holders wife care running out and went fucking mad. Next thing the police were called and hell broke loose with neighbours shouting and wrestling him to the ground. He protested his innocence but to no avail.
I just looked at it all unfold from the safety of my mum and dads bedroom! Without further delay he was put into the back of a police car and taken to his parents house so I was told the next day.
Serves the c**t right lol. Justice is a dish best served cold!
clint van damme
Well-Known Member
there's fellas on here shagging their in laws, I think you'll get a pass.
NortonSkyBlue
Well-Known Member
None out of four is not good, Gibbo!
Skyblueweeman
Well-Known Member
I’m 6ft 3”.
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Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
christonabike
Well-Known Member
Cuban heels again?
Houchens Head
Fairly well known member from Malvern
I wish!
shmmeee
Well-Known Member
Is this a sexual assault allegation? Is it #timesup for HouchensHead?
Edit: Nick can you remove the instant reply feature and replace it with a notification that says “read the whole thread dickhead”? Cheers.
ccfcchris
Well-Known Member
Brilliant.
skybluedan
Well-Known Member
Recently ive been looking at my sofa in a entirely different way and think I'm getting me old urges back....
Skyblueweeman
Well-Known Member
clint van damme
Well-Known Member
in a thread where people have confessed to brawling up the match, sleeping with their siblings partners, deceiving young children and freezing fecal matter in public toilets your franchise loving fuck wittery is still the most heinious crime of the thread.
Skyblueweeman
Well-Known Member
On a serious (and confessional note), I once got hammered in Bath with some mates. On the way back to the flat we were staying at, me and one of the lads saw an old school Land Rover with a spare wheel bolted to the bonnet. We unscrewed it and wheeled it back to the flat we were staying at. On the way back, some cops pulled over and asked us where we got the wheel from. We said we just found it and they let us continue to wheel it through the streets of Bath. When we got to top of a hill, we just set it free, into a group of trees.
Felt awful for weeks.
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Felt awful for weeks.
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jimmyhillsfanclub
Well-Known Member
I sold fake drugs to students at Glastonbury.
I ripped a big fuck off slice off the corner of Loftus roads plastic pitch while police busily battled wolves and qpr fans rioting.
I got banned from Portsmouth poly union bar for throwing a mike stand at birdland's lead singer....and I'd do it again
I ripped a big fuck off slice off the corner of Loftus roads plastic pitch while police busily battled wolves and qpr fans rioting.
I got banned from Portsmouth poly union bar for throwing a mike stand at birdland's lead singer....and I'd do it again
christonabike
Well-Known Member
I pulled a bird at the Pink Parrot and ended up walking to her house in Salt lane? Opposite Barr’s Hill school ? We walked up a massive hill from town and her fat mate followed behind. We got to the front door to go in and her fat mate had some sort of fit! Fook sake I thought so we called an ambulance. I didn’t want much of a do as I was currently seeing a nurse! Ambulance turned up after I tried to put her in the recovery position etc in my best Ciro Cererio suit and they took her away. They said do you want to come with her to hospital but I said we would follow on in my car.
We went upstairs and I banged the hell out of her mate and noticed loads of CDs lined up on a shelf and talked about music she liked whilst giving a good banging from behind!
Once finished she then started to snog me and gave me a bj on the stairs! Happy days until she said what about her mate I said I will walk to the the Radford road and get a taxi for us to Walshrave hospital. I fooking ran to the bottom of the road and got a cab come. If the fat bird croaked it I’m sorry.
Oh and if some old scutter you pull asks you where you go drinking mention every pub in town you don’t drink in!
We went upstairs and I banged the hell out of her mate and noticed loads of CDs lined up on a shelf and talked about music she liked whilst giving a good banging from behind!
Once finished she then started to snog me and gave me a bj on the stairs! Happy days until she said what about her mate I said I will walk to the the Radford road and get a taxi for us to Walshrave hospital. I fooking ran to the bottom of the road and got a cab come. If the fat bird croaked it I’m sorry.
Oh and if some old scutter you pull asks you where you go drinking mention every pub in town you don’t drink in!
Bennosdancingfeet
Well-Known Member
Pure gold
Samo
Well-Known Member
Oh now you say that! But when we spooned you seemed very keen! :wideyed:
Samo
Well-Known Member
Great story. Unless you are the tree! :shifty:
Johnnythespider
Well-Known Member
Nick, can you upgrade HH from a fairly well known to a well known member ?
Terry Gibson's perm
Well-Known Member
You mean has a well known member
I was seeing a girl from Radford for a bit, on and off, nothing serious though. One day she text me in a bit of a state as there was a spider in her bathroom, could I come round and get it. I was at work so politely declined. She replied that she'd give me a blowjob if I helped her out.
I was round there within half an hour, but when I got in the bathroom, fuck me the spider was massive, and I don't much like them anyway. I shut the door and told her it was gone, received my reward, and made a hasty exit.
She wasn't too happy when she next went into the bathroom.
I was round there within half an hour, but when I got in the bathroom, fuck me the spider was massive, and I don't much like them anyway. I shut the door and told her it was gone, received my reward, and made a hasty exit.
She wasn't too happy when she next went into the bathroom.
christonabike
Well-Known Member
Everytime I go to see my old Ma the remnants of the stump are still there!
Many moons ago I pulled a tasty bird and went back to her gaff in Hillfields and she had a lovely arse etc. We went back to her house and her mum and dad were still up and fair play were very friendly. It turns out her dad was a para in Belfast and hated catholics. I kept my head down and when they eventually went to bed after filling me with whiskey and I had consumed about 8 bottles of Diamond white before I got there it was not long before we were shagging in the setea. My stomach stated churning and I knew a wet fart or worse was coming soon so I kept down the muff end of this bird and hoped to just squeeze a fart out. No it was too late and I shat all up the fake electric fire place. My ring was like the beginning of Bananza when the map catches fire.
Luckily she didn’t hear the commotion. I sheepishly finished off and pulled my boxers up etc and promised to get her some tissue so she can clean herself up. I went out the front door and found a cab by Swanswell pool and again fooked off home.
God knows that the racist fooker of a dad thought of this bloke shatting up his electralux fire with glass coals on.
Many moons ago I pulled a tasty bird and went back to her gaff in Hillfields and she had a lovely arse etc. We went back to her house and her mum and dad were still up and fair play were very friendly. It turns out her dad was a para in Belfast and hated catholics. I kept my head down and when they eventually went to bed after filling me with whiskey and I had consumed about 8 bottles of Diamond white before I got there it was not long before we were shagging in the setea. My stomach stated churning and I knew a wet fart or worse was coming soon so I kept down the muff end of this bird and hoped to just squeeze a fart out. No it was too late and I shat all up the fake electric fire place. My ring was like the beginning of Bananza when the map catches fire.
Luckily she didn’t hear the commotion. I sheepishly finished off and pulled my boxers up etc and promised to get her some tissue so she can clean herself up. I went out the front door and found a cab by Swanswell pool and again fooked off home.
God knows that the racist fooker of a dad thought of this bloke shatting up his electralux fire with glass coals on.
It was my brothers 18th birthday on the day of that match at home to West Brom when Jonnie Jackson banged in the winner in the last minute. Unfortunately we'd been out the night before on a massive session. I was feeling pretty ropey, but my little brother was in bad shape. As the match neared the final few minutes my brother basically lost the ability to stand and fainted in the middle of the west terrace. With the help of a couple of stewards we got him into the concourse and he came round a bit. I heard the crowd rising and could tell something was going on, so I ditched my stricken brother in his hour of need and just caught the ball going in the net, leading to massive celebrations.
I also lost it at a Villa away when we got relegated. Broke a chair, threw a massive 10 litre bottle of ketchup from a burger van at a police horse, and threw a chair at a policeman from point blank range.
I also lost it at a Villa away when we got relegated. Broke a chair, threw a massive 10 litre bottle of ketchup from a burger van at a police horse, and threw a chair at a policeman from point blank range.
Covkid1968#
Well-Known Member
FFS....there are so many seriously sick people on here. I don't know whether to be really concerned or proud that us City fans are so ingenious in our depravity and deceit.
Wyken Sky Blue
Well-Known Member
Fuck me that has got to be one of the funniest things I have read in a while!
On the shitting front, I've also had a couple of memorable occasions. Once in the colosseum I got caught horribly short after far too much to drink and had to make a heroic run for the bogs. Unfortunately I could only make it to that little female toilet that was by the upstairs bar. After a ferocious dump I realised I needed to ditch my boxers, so I took them off and hid them in the cistern. When I came out, there was a queue of about 20 disgruntled women looking at me, confronted by a bog that had certainly seen better days. Needless to say I didn't pull that night.
I also had something similar away at Dagenham & Redbridge on the night of that Johnsons Paint away match around 5 or 6 seasons ago. I'd stopped on the way down in Southend for a drink and a meal. As I left Wetherspoons I realised I needed a shit but thought I'd wait until I got to Dagenham. Within about 2 minutes of getting in the car and driving into some horrific rush hour traffic I realised it was an emergency. I drove round in a sweating panic and thankfully found a car park with some toilets.... they were locked. I couldn't even find a pub. I ended up basically ditching my car in the middle of a busy junction and legging it into this Chinese takeaway, throwing about a fiver over the counter and ordering a can of coke, before sprinting to the bog, which may well have been the private bog in their house, I'm not sure. Certainly felt better afterwards, and made an embarrassed exit. The match was awful btw.
christonabike
Well-Known Member
One more I promise to fook off. I got a job for a butchers in Kenilworth and drove around in a shitty LDV van that was refrigerated etc and had to deliver chilled food to posh restaurants all over Stratford and further afield. My old dad asked me if I knew anyone with a van. I sad what is it you want moving? Four seater setea that had a broken back so it bowed in the middle. I kindly said I finish early in a Friday will drive to Coventry and we will get it in the van and take it to Kenilworth tip. We pushed and pulled and eventually got it in the back of this refrigerated van. We set off sweating like a pair of rapists and headed off to the tip. I don’t know what happed but on the way there was a loud bang and the refrigerator unit kicked in and we looked at each other and soon arrived at the tip. We turned up and opened the doors bearing in mind the vans got the butchers name on and I’m in a white boiler suit looking like a right twat and we couldn’t get the setea out! We pushed and pulled and all it did was break the fibre glass lining in the back or bend the refrigerator grills! We are fooked I thought so took my dad home with the sofa well and truly wedged in.
I went back to work parked up as usual and fooked off!
I didn’t go back the next day and after ignoring the home phone for 2 weeks often wondered if they ever got the fooker out!
I went back to work parked up as usual and fooked off!
I didn’t go back the next day and after ignoring the home phone for 2 weeks often wondered if they ever got the fooker out!
Otis
Well-Known Member
Why, did you leave cum stains in the sink?
Otis
Well-Known Member
Yeah and I was feeling really disgusted with myself and full of self loathing just for leaving a 50p piece in a face flannel.
Have had to live with that for over 40 years.
Now I feel somehow strangely cleansed after seeing some of the stories on here.
dancers lance
Well-Known Member
I took my Stepdad's prized Ford Cortina out for a little spin when I was 14, when I was trying to put it back into the garage I crashed it into the wall smashing all the passenger side in, he was in the pub as usual, I lay awake all night waiting for the beating, next morning, I wake up to him screaming in the garage, the prick drank and drove so much he thought he had done it himself pissed, never told him, he was a wanker.