Divorce (13 Viewers)

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vow

vow

Well-Known Member
shmmeee said:
We’ve been back together for the last 6 months or so, got into a fight about money (she’s not been working for a couple of months) and she pulled the trigger again.
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Sorry to hear that.

Have you ever thought of using Relate for the both of you?
As skyblueindorset alluded to, it may help in getting to the actual problem she has?

This is the site for the one in Cov. Coventry and Warwickshire | Relate – The relationship people
 
shmmeee

shmmeee

Well-Known Member
skyblueindorset said:
The most important thing, Schmmeee, is to find out exactly what is (in her eyes) wrong. Only then can you do something about it.
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Apparently she just doesn’t love me any more. Says I’m her best mate and a great dad and the sex is amazing, but she doesn’t feel “it”.

What’s worse is she says she figures this out a few years ago when she fell for my best mate. :/
 
Otis

Otis

Well-Known Member
Well at least the 'best mate' bodes well for future interaction and kids and family etc., but I bet that's of little comfort right now.

If it is to be a split I hope it is an amicable as can possibly be for you.

And remember, you always have your SBT family on here for all kinds of really bad advice, virtual hugs and tips.
 
Earlsdon_Skyblue1

Earlsdon_Skyblue1

Well-Known Member
shmmeee said:
Apparently she just doesn’t love me any more. Says I’m her best mate and a great dad and the sex is amazing, but she doesn’t feel “it”.

What’s worse is she says she figures this out a few years ago when she fell for my best mate. :/
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You need to get the hell out of here for a bit. It's hard, but it's the best advice I can give having been in a similar situation.

Go and book a flight and fuck off.
 
Otis

Otis

Well-Known Member
Earlsdon_Skyblue1 said:
You need to get the hell out of here for a bit. It's hard, but it's the best advice I can give having been in a similar situation.

Go and book a flight and fuck off.
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Yeah and let us know the address of your house so we can keep an eye on it for you.
 
rob9872

rob9872

Well-Known Member
shmmeee said:
Apparently she just doesn’t love me any more. Says I’m her best mate and a great dad and the sex is amazing, but she doesn’t feel “it”.

What’s worse is she says she figures this out a few years ago when she fell for my best mate. :/
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You have my sympathy but come on admit it, you embellished the bit about amazing sex? ;-)
 
Nick

Nick

Administrator
Glad somebody else said it. I have had about 4 replies typed out and thought it might not be the time or the place to point it out ;) Same with the bit afterwards about not feeling it.
 
vow

vow

Well-Known Member
shmmeee said:
We tried Relate last time. Quite frankly is was terrible and did more harm than good.
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Relate worked for me and my missus about 15 years ago where we could air our views without it turning into point scoring, no passive aggressiveness, just honest opinions, sorry to hear it wasn't a great experience for you, shmmeee.

If she's fallen for your best mate, back a few years ago (I hope I've read that correctly?), does she still have feelings for him or just trying to hurt you?
If she says she doesn't love you anymore, does she mean it or just trying to hurt you again by saying that?

It must be pretty stressful for you atm, I don't envy your position.
 
vow

vow

Well-Known Member
Nick said:
Glad somebody else said it. I have had about 4 replies typed out and thought it might not be the time or the place to point it out ;) Same with the bit afterwards about not feeling it.
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Same here, it was very tempting to mention summat about the not feeling "it" or the amazing in bed bit :)
 
Paxman II

Paxman II

Well-Known Member
It's been all about 'her' so far. What are your feelings Shmmeee? Do you still love her after all things considered?
Have events changed your opinion of her? If the sex is great and you have two cute kids and life is not rock bottom financially, then there is a more serious issue here.
You either have treated her like shit too long or there's an affair somewhere in all this.
 
shmmeee

shmmeee

Well-Known Member
rob9872 said:
You have my sympathy but come on admit it, you embellished the bit about amazing sex? ;-)
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No actually. Our sex life has always been great and we always joked about the meme that married people aren’t supposed to have sex any more. I included it because otherwise I could get that she just wants to be friends. But to me a best friend you love fucking is wife material.
 
shmmeee

shmmeee

Well-Known Member
Paxman II said:
It's been all about 'her' so far. What are your feelings Shmmeee? Do you still love her after all things considered?
Have events changed your opinion of her? If the sex is great and you have two cute kids and life is not rock bottom financially, then there is a more serious issue here.
You either have treated her like shit too long or there's an affair somewhere in all this.
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I’ve probably not been great to her. There’s been bitterness on both sides but I thought we were past that with the fresh start.

TBH I suspect affair. But fuck knows.

And yeah I love her to bits. It’s rare to meet someone who gets me like she does.

Edit: actually no. She’s putright said I was being perfect.
 
W

wingy

Well-Known Member
shmmeee said:
I’ve probably not been great to her. There’s been bitterness on both sides but I thought we were past that with the fresh start.

TBH I suspect affair. But fuck knows.
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Don't want to sound harsh Shmmeee but you (both )must feel somewhat isolated now, If I'm correct that you've moved away with work.
Was that deliberate, to extract yourself from the previous situation.
From experience it sounds past the point of no return(I may be wrong here ).
It really is important now to evaluate hanging on against moving on.
I fear It's time for you to adopt 'Next' attitude .
There will be one out there !!
 
shmmeee

shmmeee

Well-Known Member
wingy said:
Don't want to sound harsh Shmmeee but you (both )must feel somewhat isolated now, If I'm correct that you've moved away with work.
Was that deliberate, to extract yourself from the previous situation.
From experience it sounds past the point of no return(I may be wrong here ).
It really is important now to evaluate hanging on against moving on.
I fear It's time for you to adopt 'Next' attitude .
There will be one out there !!
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No mate. Was due to move in September this year but have turned it down now as it would mean not seeing the kids.
 
Otis

Otis

Well-Known Member
shmmeee said:
No mate. Was due to move in September this year but have turned it down now as it would mean not seeing the kids.
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Fair play to you, Shmmeee. I would have done exactly the same thing. Our kids are everything to us.

I am sure you will not regret the fact that you have decided to stay close and they will love you more for doing so once they understand.

Do keep us updated and I am always here for a chat, as are so many of us who would be happy to listen and help raise your spirits.

I can even agree to stop telling bad jokes if you want.
 
Sick Boy

Sick Boy

Super Moderator
Sorry to hear you're going through this again, it sounds to me like you're going to be better off apart rather than staying together and ending up resenting each other. While it'll be tough, you're still likely to keep her as a good friend (if that's what you want).

Hope you manage to get through this and you've always got here to ask for somewhat anon advice and despite them being half mad, there's some very wise posters on here!
 
Otis

Otis

Well-Known Member
Sick Boy said:
Sorry to hear you're going through this again, it sounds to me like you're going to be better off apart rather than staying together and ending up resenting each other. While it'll be tough, you're still likely to keep her as a good friend (if that's what you want).

Hope you manage to get through this and you've always got here to ask for somewhat anon advice and despite them being half mad, there's some very wise posters on here!
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Would you care to list them please.
 
Gazolba

Gazolba

Well-Known Member
I just went back to the very first message in this thread , in which you said "Missus has just told me she wants a divorce. Been together 13 years, married for 4.5".

I'm curious why were you together for 8.5 years before you got married? Seems like maybe you were not that certain you were right for each other from the very beginning?

I went out with my future wife for 6 months then we got engaged for 6 months and then got married. I had absolutely no doubt she was the right person for me after just 6 months.
Mind you we still ended up getting divorced, but that was 25 years later.
And in retrospect, she probably was not the right person for me but I'm sure she was as right as I was ever going to find.
 
MatthewWallis

MatthewWallis

Well-Known Member
Gazolba said:
I just went back to the very first message in this thread , in which you said "Missus has just told me she wants a divorce. Been together 13 years, married for 4.5".

I'm curious why were you together for 8.5 years before you got married? Seems like maybe you were not that certain you were right for each other from the very beginning?.
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Taking your time to get married or not getting married at all, does not mean anyone is less right for each other
 
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shmmeee

shmmeee

Well-Known Member
Yeah we were engaged for about five years before we got married but couldn’t afford it. Before that it wasn’t really a priority for either of us but our first kid kinda focused minds and she wanted to have the same name as her daughters. Not sure it says much TBH. Better that than a friend I know who knew her husband two weeks before tying the knot.
 
D

Deleted member 5849

Guest
shmmeee said:
Better that than a friend I know who knew her husband two weeks before tying the knot.
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Did that last?!? I keep watching that Married at First Sight programme on Channel 4 with a mix of awe and amazement.

Mind you, guess in the olden days your Dad'd tell you who you were going to marry, and that was that!
 
Otis

Otis

Well-Known Member
shmmeee said:
Yeah we were engaged for about five years before we got married but couldn’t afford it. Before that it wasn’t really a priority for either of us but our first kid kinda focused minds and she wanted to have the same name as her daughters. Not sure it says much TBH. Better that than a friend I know who knew her husband two weeks before tying the knot.
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I told you to keep that schtum!!! Grrr!!!!!!

Bleedin instantrussianbrides.com!!!!!

giphy.gif
 
shmmeee

shmmeee

Well-Known Member
Deleted member 5849 said:
Did that last?!? I keep watching that Married at First Sight programme on Channel 4 with a mix of awe and amazement.

Mind you, guess in the olden days your Dad'd tell you who you were going to marry, and that was that!
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They’re still together three years later. Though she’s a rape survivor who hates sex and he looks like Penfold at 30 so I expect there’s a lot of baking and craft involved in that “relationship”.
 
Houchens Head

Houchens Head

Fairly well known member from Malvern
Otis said:
You should try them with a Russian wife who has a permanent stern look on he face before she's even woken up.

'Zoz that joke?' 'You make joke here?'

идиот!
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Your missus and my missus should get together! Eastern Europeans eh? Sheesh!
 
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