pipkin73
Well-Known Member
I'm in PR, who do you know?
Pros and cons of having kids - and not having them (15 Viewers)
- Thread starter oucho
- Start date
Sick Boy
Super Moderator
I'm 33 but the missus is only 26 and a midwife and always swore she'd never have one and showed me graphic before and after images when I was least expecting it to back up her choice. However, last week she started wanting to talk about baby names from the middle of nowhere, felt terrified ever since.
Being serous though, everyone tells me I'd be a great day and I have to agree
Being serous though, everyone tells me I'd be a great day and I have to agree
Kingokings204
Well-Known Member
First of all sorry pimkin. Heartbreaking
I love being a Dad. It’s the greatest magic in the world. I echo many of the comments on here.
Every day I see my son, he is 17 months old and a cheeky monkey I love my life and makes my day better every day. We always wanted kids and after months of trying we got the reward.
I wouldn’t of wanted to be a young dad I must admit as I had the best years ever between 18-28 and now being late twenties dad to a 17 month old is perfect in my eyes.
Pros: it’s the best feeling ever and worth every single second of my life.
Cons: I won’t pretend it’s easy. I found a newborn very hard. Hardest thing ever. Constant crying and screaming. I haven’t got enough experience on older kids obviously.
The biggest con is he will be a cov fan and for that son I apologize in advance. :stop:
I love being a Dad. It’s the greatest magic in the world. I echo many of the comments on here.
Every day I see my son, he is 17 months old and a cheeky monkey I love my life and makes my day better every day. We always wanted kids and after months of trying we got the reward.
I wouldn’t of wanted to be a young dad I must admit as I had the best years ever between 18-28 and now being late twenties dad to a 17 month old is perfect in my eyes.
Pros: it’s the best feeling ever and worth every single second of my life.
Cons: I won’t pretend it’s easy. I found a newborn very hard. Hardest thing ever. Constant crying and screaming. I haven’t got enough experience on older kids obviously.
The biggest con is he will be a cov fan and for that son I apologize in advance. :stop:
fernandopartridge
Well-Known Member
I've sent you a pm mate
jimmyhillsfanclub
Well-Known Member
I never wanted kids when I was younger....didnt even properly consider it until mid 30s....luckily my Mrs. Is 7.5 yrs younger so by the time she got broody....i didn't quite shit myself like Sick boy has
A combination of bad luck and biology, followed by a tragedy then happened.......then life got better again and now I find myself at age 46 with 2 boys of 6 & 4 and I love life a little more every day.
Being an older dad is not that unusual now either.....and whilst I'm not gonna win the dads race at sports day, I also feel like I've lived a life already and not missed out cos I've already done the parties, the travelling, the work buzz thing and the mortgage.....
....so I can sit comfortably in my slippers reading my cycling weekly and sipping my wine, dog snoring at my feet......
Happy Friday folks.
A combination of bad luck and biology, followed by a tragedy then happened.......then life got better again and now I find myself at age 46 with 2 boys of 6 & 4 and I love life a little more every day.
Being an older dad is not that unusual now either.....and whilst I'm not gonna win the dads race at sports day, I also feel like I've lived a life already and not missed out cos I've already done the parties, the travelling, the work buzz thing and the mortgage.....
....so I can sit comfortably in my slippers reading my cycling weekly and sipping my wine, dog snoring at my feet......
Happy Friday folks.
ddsdube
Well-Known Member
I’m a dad to 3 boys, aged 5 and under. It’s tough, anyone is lying if they say it isn’t. You have to change your way of life, they cost money (including losing some or all of my wife’s salary) and it puts a strain on your relationship... but I would have it no other way. They are my best friends already, I love every day with them and they are my reason for getting out of bed and going to work.
We already play football in the garden and one day we’ll go tho cov and the pub! Eventually they’ll check in on me when I’m an old man.
I didn’t have kids until I was in my 30s, which meant I got to do the playing football and drinking every Saturday. Now I can’t do it I don’t miss it... It’s important you still get a tiny bit of your own time (5-a-side on a Thursday!) and you need to make time and effort with your partner.
In short, the toughest and best thing you’ll ever do! In my opinion!
However, I wish they didn’t wake up so early!!! I guess that’ll come!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
We already play football in the garden and one day we’ll go tho cov and the pub! Eventually they’ll check in on me when I’m an old man.
I didn’t have kids until I was in my 30s, which meant I got to do the playing football and drinking every Saturday. Now I can’t do it I don’t miss it... It’s important you still get a tiny bit of your own time (5-a-side on a Thursday!) and you need to make time and effort with your partner.
In short, the toughest and best thing you’ll ever do! In my opinion!
However, I wish they didn’t wake up so early!!! I guess that’ll come!
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Otis
Well-Known Member
Opposite with me. I am always up hours before my daughter.
ddsdube
Well-Known Member
oucho
Well-Known Member
Are you going to try it on with the physio again???
Grendel
Well-Known Member
I'm 33 but the missus is only 26 and a midwife and always swore she'd never have one and showed me graphic before and after images when I was least expecting it to back up her choice. However, last week she started wanting to talk about baby names from the middle of nowhere, felt terrified ever since.
Being serous though, everyone tells me I'd be a great day and I have to agree
Start saving
Astute
Well-Known Member
Glutton for punishment me.
Eldest is 32 youngest 8. The hardest is the first one. That is when you find out about sleep deprivation. Then your social life changes. If you only have 1 or a big age gap you also have entertaining to do. If you have 2 together they can entertain each other. But then you have the disagreements to sort out.
Then your holidays change. As well as costing more you are best keeping to cooler places whilst they are young otherwise you spend most of the time trying to keep them cool. Your every thought has to involve the children. Have them young and your days of clubbing are limited. Have them older and they can interfere with retirement plans. I have to wait until my last two are 18 and 19. No way could I retire with kids around my feet.
But I wouldn't change a thing. They have brought so much joy over the years. And as was said earlier all children are different at least in some ways. And when you have an older child they can one day help look after the younger ones.
I am very strict but also very fair. They have all known if they behave they have an easy and enjoyable life. Misbehave and they lose all privileges. My favourite and most effective has been to pull plugs off things like PlayStations. That way they can see them but not play on them. I give them freedom until they do something to lose it. Only ever had priblems with one lad. And he soon learned.
Just make sure your relationship is strong before having kids. They will certainly test how strong your relationship is over the years.
Eldest is 32 youngest 8. The hardest is the first one. That is when you find out about sleep deprivation. Then your social life changes. If you only have 1 or a big age gap you also have entertaining to do. If you have 2 together they can entertain each other. But then you have the disagreements to sort out.
Then your holidays change. As well as costing more you are best keeping to cooler places whilst they are young otherwise you spend most of the time trying to keep them cool. Your every thought has to involve the children. Have them young and your days of clubbing are limited. Have them older and they can interfere with retirement plans. I have to wait until my last two are 18 and 19. No way could I retire with kids around my feet.
But I wouldn't change a thing. They have brought so much joy over the years. And as was said earlier all children are different at least in some ways. And when you have an older child they can one day help look after the younger ones.
I am very strict but also very fair. They have all known if they behave they have an easy and enjoyable life. Misbehave and they lose all privileges. My favourite and most effective has been to pull plugs off things like PlayStations. That way they can see them but not play on them. I give them freedom until they do something to lose it. Only ever had priblems with one lad. And he soon learned.
Just make sure your relationship is strong before having kids. They will certainly test how strong your relationship is over the years.
Marty
Well-Known Member
She's old news.
SkyBlueScottie
Well-Known Member
Boy 15 and Girl 14 here, it's been amazing, both clever, both sociable, both caring. The futures bright for them. Yes it can be hard ( there's 51 weeks age difference between mine) and yes it changes your relationships with your partner and friends etc, but they are the most important things in the world, and if you want, they enhance your marriage, and if friends drift away, then we're rhey really such good friends? Plus I've been to Wembley with the boy twice to watch CCFC, watched England twice with him. Had days at the theatre with my Daughter, it's all good. Best of all, I run my lads football team and we've won the league this year, it was superb!
scottccfc
Well-Known Member
I've got 3 kids boys 6 &4 and girl 8 nothing beats walking through the door after a shoddy day at work to the youngest shouting daddies home and running for a cuddle whilst the other two sit there an play on their various gaming devices.....the hardest part for me and my kids is getting them away from the electrical items and out into the world getting muddy etc
Covstu
Well-Known Member
So true, my kids don't have ipads, TV's etc albeit I allow them to use mine on occasions. kids need to be kids and use their imaginations rather than sit there watching a screen. My eldest has become such an artist and despite the millions of drawings we have in the house, its great. I see other kids just glued to screens and demanding phones when they are so young and glad we didn't fall into that trap
Manchester_sky_blue
Well-Known Member
Definitely not true in our case. My Son slept through the night from 3 months old onwards, never gives us an ounce of trouble. My Daughter however is a hurricane in a human form. She is coming up on 3 years old and has never slept through the night, not once. She brings devastation wherever she goes and her tantrums can be seen and heard from the International Space Station. On the flip side she is hilariously funny, never dull even for a second and i have a sneaky sense of pride in the fact that she bullies kids twice her size. Even at 2 years old she knows her own mind and is totally fearless - all things i love about her but there is no doubt what-so-ever that had she arrived first there would not have been a second child!
Gazolba
Well-Known Member
My two daughters (now 22 and 26) grew up before the smart phone era and were talented artists and musicians with beautiful singing voices. They would create a sensation today if they sang on Youtube.
However as soon as they entered the teen years they got mobile phones, then as they got older iPhones, iPads, lap tops. Now they are totally hooked to technology 24 hours a day (they sleep with their phones). On long car journeys, they don't look out the window at the passing scenery, they look at their phones. I haven't seen either one draw, paint, sing, or play their musical instruments in years. So I think you are just postponing the inevitable.
Covstu
Well-Known Member
Don’t disagree but enjoying it whilst it lasts.
Otis
Well-Known Member
We had no trouble with ours either.
Slept through the night and hardly ever cried at all, ever. Absoutely not an ounce of trouble with her and as I said before, just one single tantrum when she was three and that was because I wasn't there and she was trying it on with her grandma.
It was a breeze to be honest.
Astute
Well-Known Member
I never meant the first child is the hardest to control. Ours was the third. But he was the best sleeper when a baby. The wife used to wake him up to check he was still OK. You would forget you had him.
The first one is when your life changes forever. Nights out are planned with a baby in mind. No more holidays in hot countries unless you hide from the heat. Even your choice of car comes with a baby in mind. When our 16 year old was born we only had two cars. Mine was a 2 door Fiat Coupe. The wife had a 2 door convertible. Have you ever tried putting a baby in the back of a 2 door car when it is pissing it down? The backs of my legs used to get soaked. Days out have to be planned more.
The one thing that has helped us over the years is what I call my sanity time. We both go away for weekends leaving the other one to look after the kids. I usually use mine for football games where I leave early Saturday morning and get home Sunday night. But I also occasionally do Amsterdam or visit my family in France. Off to Ireland for a few days in a couple of months. The wife uses her time to go clubbing all over with friends or hen do's.
I worry for you here a little Otis, I have 3 girls and I love them all. We used to do so much together for years then they got to an age and you suddenly become second fiddle to some scroty boyfriend and it's definitely not always someone you would pick for them. Don't become too reliant pal !!
Manchester_sky_blue
Well-Known Member
I've had a chat with my (2 year old) Daughter about this and we have amicably agreed that she can have a boyfriend when shes 47 and not before. I have video'd the conversation as evidence to show her when she becomes a teenager.
Esoterica
Well-Known Member
My daughter is 4. Born when I was 36 and the wife 32, so started relatively late. Felt like a good age at the time - meant I had experienced a bit more of life while young, was in a better place financially than if i'd started earlier, had established a decent work-life balance and she'd be grown up before I was 60 - that was a big thing for me, I didn't want to be a 60+ Dad to a teenager, which is not a judgement of those who are, just my personal choice on the matter.
The maternity leave out here is amazing, up to 3 years and you get a set amount of money split over as many months as you choose to take off. As I work from home almost every day I got to be there for so much more of her early life than a lot of Dads get the chance to and I feel very lucky to have had that opportunity. Now she attends a Forest School out here which is incredible compared to standard kindergarten style preschools and she loves it there - an outdoor education in the middle of nature.
The one thing I didn't anticipate is the expectation from society to have more kids though! Almost every one asks that 'So... when are you having the second one?' question and it's quite weird how often I have to justify my reproduction choices to relative strangers! So many people seem to still carry the debunked misconception that an only child will be spoilt too. It has lead to niggling doubts about whether we should have had a 2nd, if the age gap is too big now anyway for them to really be friends, whether we are too old, whether we really want to go through all the first couple of years of a new baby again, and I don't really have any of those answers still. Waters are further muddied by the wife being quite fearful of another pregnancy in general after a very complicated birth and an emergency c-section the first time.
In summary I don't think there are any right answers, you just have to have the conviction that you're doing the best you can for your family, and that's all you can do - whether it's 0 kids or 10!
The maternity leave out here is amazing, up to 3 years and you get a set amount of money split over as many months as you choose to take off. As I work from home almost every day I got to be there for so much more of her early life than a lot of Dads get the chance to and I feel very lucky to have had that opportunity. Now she attends a Forest School out here which is incredible compared to standard kindergarten style preschools and she loves it there - an outdoor education in the middle of nature.
The one thing I didn't anticipate is the expectation from society to have more kids though! Almost every one asks that 'So... when are you having the second one?' question and it's quite weird how often I have to justify my reproduction choices to relative strangers!
So many people seem to still carry the debunked misconception that an only child will be spoilt too. It has lead to niggling doubts about whether we should have had a 2nd, if the age gap is too big now anyway for them to really be friends, whether we are too old, whether we really want to go through all the first couple of years of a new baby again, and I don't really have any of those answers still. Waters are further muddied by the wife being quite fearful of another pregnancy in general after a very complicated birth and an emergency c-section the first time.In summary I don't think there are any right answers, you just have to have the conviction that you're doing the best you can for your family, and that's all you can do - whether it's 0 kids or 10!
Otis
Well-Known Member
Yeah, agree, though it is probably far too late for that now.
Nick
Administrator
The one thing I didn't anticipate is the expectation from society to have more kids though! Almost every one asks that 'So... when are you having the second one?' question and it's quite weird how often I have to justify my reproduction choices to relative strangers!
I get that all the time, the looks you get when you say "Not going to bother having any more", "Why not", "We dont want to". They look at you like you have just punched them in the face.
Terry Gibson's perm
Well-Known Member
We have three/four (long time readers will know the story) and when people ask are you having anymore I always say if we do it won’t be mine (I have been snipped).
Esoterica
Well-Known Member
I've started making up far fetched reasons as to why we won't be having another and telling that to people when they ask. The more unacquainted I am with the person, the wilder my stories get e.g. An unfortunate nail gun accident left me sterile, my wife in prison, a made up medical condition like uterunteritis.
Manchester_sky_blue
Well-Known Member
I am very envious, I feel that I really missed out on the early stages with both my kids because I was the one who had to go and work. Thing is, I took redundancy in 2014 from a career I was good at but didn’t particularly enjoy in the hopes of doing something more interesting. Sadly that hasn’t panned out and all the jobs I have done since then have basically made me miserable. My Daughter turns 3 in August and will get her 15 hours free childcare in September and my Son is already in School so very shortly the missus will be going back to work and I am going to jack in my well-paid but terrible job to do something lower paid but with a lot less responsibility and closer to home, possibly even just part time. The tax advantage of having two incomes instead of one means that if we both have £15k a year jobs we end up better off than me earning £30k plus. As long as we both work more than 16 hours a week the 15 hours free childcare would be upped to 30 hours too so it seems a no brainer.
I am sick to death of an hour and half each way commute in to Manchester to sit in a horrible office with people I don’t like doing a job that realistically makes sod all difference to anyone. By the time I get home I see my kids for about 45 mins before they go to bed and most of that is taken up with baths and bedtime routine so it’s not proper quality time. They are tired by the time they see me and they don’t want to play or tell me about their day.
I decided a while ago that I wasn’t interested in climbing the career ladder, as long as I can pay my bills with a bit spare I’m happy. I do a lot of voluntary and community work and I get my “work” satisfaction from that these days. There is the potential that I could do a lot more community stuff and even get paid for some of it from next year so that’s definitely something I want to explore and not being in full time work, or at least working closer to home will help with that.
I want to be around for my kids while I they are still young enough to want me around.
fernandopartridge
Well-Known Member
Do you speak Czech? How did you come to live out there? (Tell me to piss off if I'm being too nosy)My daughter is 4. Born when I was 36 and the wife 32, so started relatively late. Felt like a good age at the time - meant I had experienced a bit more of life while young, was in a better place financially than if i'd started earlier, had established a decent work-life balance and she'd be grown up before I was 60 - that was a big thing for me, I didn't want to be a 60+ Dad to a teenager, which is not a judgement of those who are, just my personal choice on the matter.
The maternity leave out here is amazing, up to 3 years and you get a set amount of money split over as many months as you choose to take off. As I work from home almost every day I got to be there for so much more of her early life than a lot of Dads get the chance to and I feel very lucky to have had that opportunity. Now she attends a Forest School out here which is incredible compared to standard kindergarten style preschools and she loves it there - an outdoor education in the middle of nature.
The one thing I didn't anticipate is the expectation from society to have more kids though! Almost every one asks that 'So... when are you having the second one?' question and it's quite weird how often I have to justify my reproduction choices to relative strangers!
In summary I don't think there are any right answers, you just have to have the conviction that you're doing the best you can for your family, and that's all you can do - whether it's 0 kids or 10!
Gazolba
Well-Known Member
About 15 years ago I was to be laid off from my job, but because my boss liked me, I got the opportunity to go and work at the company's HQ in a city 850 miles away.
My daughters were 7 and 11 at the time. I was away from home for two years. I flew home for the weekend every 3 weeks but even so I missed two years of them growing up.
After the two years, I was laid off from that job but luckily I managed to find work in my home town soon after.
Esoterica
Well-Known Member
There's plenty to be not envious about too! No support from my parents as they are still Warwickshire based. My wife's Mum died of cancer 11 years ago in her early 50s and her Dad is a 6ft 4 physics professor, so you can imagine what he was like around a young baby. Me being around a lot was almost a necessity.
It sounds like you've got your priorities in order anyway so I genuinely hope you find a niche that ticks those boxes for you while allowing you a margin on top of just surviving.
Esoterica
Well-Known Member
I'd describe my Czech as functional, certainly not fluent - it's a stupidly hard language to learn. I'm fine around day to day life: In the supermarket, for small talk over the fence with my neighbours or phoning up to make an appointment or book a reservation somewhere but I wouldn't get a Czech speaking job. My daughter is fluent in both English and Czech which is amazing to see in a 4 year old.
My best mate came to teach some English here for a year in a remote mining town. I visited a couple times then, and there's no way to say it without sounding shallow, I enjoyed the cheap beer and beautiful girls. He ended up moving on to Brno (CZ's 2nd city) and doing his Masters degree there and in the 2nd year he wanted to concentrate on his studies more and so he offered me his classes and found a flat where I could stay. I'd just got back from some time working out in India with Accenture and didn't want to go back to 'corporate hours' so I took a year's sabbatical and came out here. After my year I very much wanted to stay too and there was plenty of growth within the locally based International companies (IBM, Honeywell etc) so it was easy to get a job. Ended up meeting the wife and we bought an old run down house in a quiet district and completely renovated it, while converting part of it into a couple of granny flats which are rented out and pay the mortgage, so now I've no intention of leaving! Plus the Czechs love sport, outdoors, drinking and combining all 3 whenever possible. Ticks a lot of my boxes!
Astute
Well-Known Member
Don't worry about the age gap. If they get on it doesn't mean a lot. My sister had 2 girls a year and a day apart. They have never got on since a young age. Whereas all my kids get on and look forward to seeing each other. And the older ones become baby sitters as they get older.My daughter is 4. Born when I was 36 and the wife 32, so started relatively late. Felt like a good age at the time - meant I had experienced a bit more of life while young, was in a better place financially than if i'd started earlier, had established a decent work-life balance and she'd be grown up before I was 60 - that was a big thing for me, I didn't want to be a 60+ Dad to a teenager, which is not a judgement of those who are, just my personal choice on the matter.
The maternity leave out here is amazing, up to 3 years and you get a set amount of money split over as many months as you choose to take off. As I work from home almost every day I got to be there for so much more of her early life than a lot of Dads get the chance to and I feel very lucky to have had that opportunity. Now she attends a Forest School out here which is incredible compared to standard kindergarten style preschools and she loves it there - an outdoor education in the middle of nature.
The one thing I didn't anticipate is the expectation from society to have more kids though! Almost every one asks that 'So... when are you having the second one?' question and it's quite weird how often I have to justify my reproduction choices to relative strangers!
In summary I don't think there are any right answers, you just have to have the conviction that you're doing the best you can for your family, and that's all you can do - whether it's 0 kids or 10!
I agree with the 60+ thing though. I can't retire until I am 60 as my youngest. 2 will be 18 and 19. But the eldest will be in her 40's.
Otis
Well-Known Member
Well that's me. I'll be a 60+ dad to a teenage daughter.
Sometimes this things happen and they are not through choice. I have wanted children since I was about 17 or 18.