Are you happy (10 Viewers)

[Mcbean]

this is hard to write,
i'm glad I've came across this topic today.
Saturday just gone my wife of 10 years came out with the news that she is leaving me.to be totally honest it didn't come as total shock.
Something that we haven't done over the years is talk, i'd always keep my feelings/anger inside and not mention it to anyone but let it out by playing rugby and she would do the same but choose to go town with her mates and get rat arsed.
but since Saturday we have talked a lot about the wrong doings during our time together (not talking to each other about problems etc) and its struck me that maybe I am depressed and haven't dealt well with things that have happened to me in the past and its effected our relationship.
I have had a couple of days off work since then only going back to work today and I have thought about me and what I have become as a person and I don't really like the answer, I don't like who I am.

Sorry that this post is quite a ramble

The good news is that you have admitted that to yourself as Rich has - if you can't make up and you need to try - be pragmatic about splitting up if that is the result ( the minute you employ a solicitor the whole process becomes a battle) i don't know how old you are but plenty of people find themselves in the same boat but many come out in a much happier state of mind

 

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[Tommo1993]

10 years ago now was a real low point that ended me up in a residential adolescent mental health unit for 6 months - won’t delve too deeply, I’d be writing for ages.

But anxiety, which played a pretty big part in it, still on the occasion haunts me - you know certain scenarios, smells, foods, songs, even confrontational behaviour, and I feel close to a meltdown. And those are just a few examples.

The hardest thing which people can do, like you’ve done, is open up about it. For me, the second hardest was weening myself off the medication. So so difficult.

Edit: on a side note, talking about the autism thing. When I got discharged, my parents told me that the consultants suggested I could have Aspergers. Sometimes I think doctors think that we’re all on the spectrum somewhere!

 

[Houchens Head]

I'd like to add my 2 pence worth. I was diagnosed with depression about 27-28 years ago. I couldn't understand why I was feeling so down all the time. Anyway, I spoke to my GP who prescribed a week long course of Amitriptyline which nowadays is given out as a pain reliever. Anyway, after about 3 days, I felt amazing. But he also arranged a weekly visit to see a psychotherapist at Gulson Rd Hospital. I seen her for nearly a year. She just got me to talk about my life, mainly my childhood. That's when it all came out. I had been brought up in care since I was 2 until I was 15. There's so much to say, so I won't go into detail, except to say the psychotherapist told me to write my feelings down and why I was feeling like I was. I did and it eventually became my autobiography, which I had published online. Seems that all my years as an adult, I had kept this 'secret' of being in care, away from those who mattered. It was a stigma to me. I was embarrassed by it. I had bottled up my hurt and feelings. Have to say that now I am completely over it and look back at my childhood with 'normal' memories. Oh, and just after my sessions ended, I got back in touch with my mum who I hadn't spoken to for about 7 years. I'm glad I did because she passed away just 3 months later. I was the last person to see her alive.

 

[clint van damme]

perhaps this thread should make us all think a little bit before we wade in over various football and non football related issues.
Behind that avatar is a real person who maybe going thought some personal shit.

 

[skybluetony176]

10 years ago now was a real low point that ended me up in a residential adolescent mental health unit for 6 months - won’t delve too deeply, I’d be writing for ages.

But anxiety, which played a pretty big part in it, still on the occasion haunts me - you know certain scenarios, smells, foods, songs, even confrontational behaviour, and I feel close to a meltdown. And those are just a few examples.

The hardest thing which people can do, like you’ve done, is open up about it. For me, the second hardest was weening myself off the medication. So so difficult.

Edit: on a side note, talking about the autism thing. When I got discharged, my parents told me that the consultants suggested I could have Aspergers. Sometimes I think doctors think that we’re all on the spectrum somewhere!

As you say smells, sounds and certain scenarios can trigger anxiety and seem completely irrational at the time. Never noticed smells as a trigger myself but can certainly relate to noise and certain scenarios. You’ve clearly experienced it far worse than myself as you seem to have far more triggers than myself and you’ve had to go down the medication route, something I luckily managed to avoid completely. Good luck with it.

 

[Nick]

perhaps this thread should make us all think a little bit before we wade in over various football and non football related issues.
Behind that avatar is a real person who maybe going thought some personal shit.

Im fairly confident that about 99% of people pn here would know that and could go and call each other all sorts when it comes to football then act like normal humans on threads like this regardless of a person's political view on things. I hope so anyway!

 

[bringbackrattles]

this is hard to write,
i'm glad I've came across this topic today.
Saturday just gone my wife of 10 years came out with the news that she is leaving me.to be totally honest it didn't come as total shock.
Something that we haven't done over the years is talk, i'd always keep my feelings/anger inside and not mention it to anyone but let it out by playing rugby and she would do the same but choose to go town with her mates and get rat arsed.
but since Saturday we have talked a lot about the wrong doings during our time together (not talking to each other about problems etc) and its struck me that maybe I am depressed and haven't dealt well with things that have happened to me in the past and its effected our relationship.
I have had a couple of days off work since then only going back to work today and I have thought about me and what I have become as a person and I don't really like the answer, I don't like who I am.

Sorry that this post is quite a ramble

While I was seeing the psychologist after about six sessions she said out of the blue she thought my partner was not suitable for me. She had come to one of the sessions as it was part of the therapy.
She told me certain people are "toxic" and will be negative and to put it bluntly bring you down.Id been with her at that time about 12 years. We weren't getting on really and constantly arguing and at each other. But she said her job was to help me move forward and it was my choice if I wanted to stay in the relationship. I did stay but on and off for a few years, and after one big bust up moved out and never returned. The psychologist was spot on I reckon, and after we split my family and a couple of friends said I should have left years before ! So it's not the end of the world, we just have to accept some couples are not meant for each other.

 

[Covstu]

I think we are all built in different ways and built from different experiences (good and bad). Personally I am an introvert by nature, not mad on crowds, small talk and like my own space. Most people find it difficult to speak to me unless I let them in.
Must admit I am been struggling getting motivated at work at the moment and can’t figure out why. Just zero motivation and really avoiding some tasks which in the last few years would have come naturally. Maybe feeling a little more down that normal but again can’t put my finger on it

 

[Tommo1993]

As you say smells, sounds and certain scenarios can trigger anxiety and seem completely irrational at the time. Never noticed smells as a trigger myself but can certainly relate to noise and certain scenarios. You’ve clearly experienced it far worse than myself as you seem to have far more triggers than myself and you’ve had to go down the medication route, something I luckily managed to avoid completely. Good luck with it.

I hate it. Because there are times when I feel like oh I’ll be ok just let me take some tablets and I’ll be fine. I hate the anxiety “relapses” for want of a better word. They’re quite rare, but when they do pop up I just hate the thought of those close enough to me to know what went on think I’m weak and ill again. Touch wood, the major depression hasn’t reappeared.

 

[Marty]

My mental health is all over the place at the minute, some days I'm as happy as anything and other days I seriously think about just ending it.

I would say that my biggest problem is that I some how never seem to fit in, where ever I go or what ever I do, even as a kid I had these same issues. I can't keep a relationship going for longer then about 6 months, even when I see it coming a mile off, the rejection still hurts like fuck and lasts for months after, I get too attached to having someone in my life that I really struggle to let them go. I have friends but I don't have anyone I can share problems with or someone who will be there no matter what, even though I have gave that in return. The past few months I've made a good effort to try and make new friends, which I have, but it seems to be just more of the same.

Turned to drink and drugs lately, having sex with random women, eating poorly, not doing any training at all. Been put on sick leave from work, I haven't been to work in months and I have until September off at the very earliest, If I have stuff planned for a day, I'm fine, if not, i'm climbing up the walls by mid day, and just tend to think about life and ex's, try to figure out where it went wrong, stalk them on Facebook for a bit and then I just end up in an even worse place.

I've done really well for myself in life, but it feels like whats the point if I have no one to share it with, I would trade it all in to meet someone. It's true what they say, Money can't buy happiness.

 

[scottccfc]

My mental health is all over the place at the minute, some days I'm as happy as anything and other days I seriously think about just ending it.

I would say that my biggest problem is that I some how never seem to fit in, where ever I go or what ever I do, even as a kid I had these same issues. I can't keep a relationship going for longer then about 6 months, even when I see it coming a mile off, the rejection still hurts like fuck and lasts for months after, I get too attached to having someone in my life that I really struggle to let them go. I have friends but I don't have anyone I can share problems with or someone who will be there no matter what, even though I have gave that in return. The past few months I've made a good effort to try and make new friends, which I have, but it seems to be just more of the same.

Turned to drink and drugs lately, having sex with random women, eating poorly, not doing any training at all. Been put on sick leave from work, I haven't been to work in months and I have until September off at the very earliest, If I have stuff planned for a day, I'm fine, if not, i'm climbing up the walls by mid day, and just tend to think about life and ex's, try to figure out where it went wrong, stalk them on Facebook for a bit and then I just end up in an even worse place.

I've done really well for myself in life, but it feels like whats the point if I have no one to share it with, I would trade it all in to meet someone. It's true what they say, Money can't buy happiness.

A lot of that rings true with me, I don't have anyone to turn to really in the situation that im in apart from family, which causes its own issues. I always struggle after a relationship break down for months after as well.

like yourself I always feel out of place no matter where I am, the amount of times ive changed rugby clubs to try and fit in is crazy.

 

[olderskyblue]

imho, both you guys should look to professional help. Friends are great as friends, but really, they will never understand what you're going through unless they've experienced it themselves.

 

[Deleted member 5849]

imho, both you guys should look to professional help. Friends are great as friends, but really, they will never understand what you're going through unless they've experienced it themselves.

Even then they don't necessarily. Everyone is different.

 

[clint van damme]

imho, both you guys should look to professional help. Friends are great as friends, but really, they will never understand what you're going through unless they've experienced it themselves.

Good advice.
I really think you do especially Marty.
Sooner the better mate

 

[fellatio_Martinez]

I'm as laid back as they come. Never had any issues with mental health and always thought it was for the weak minded. Until a few years ago.

Two people who were very close to me died within a year of each other, both from cancer and it ate them up and turned them into husks and then they died. No battles, no hope, just vicious horrible terminal cancer.

I was angry for a while and then I just returned to normal life and everything was normal until I started to get numbness in my face and heart palpitations that led to panic attacks. At the time I thought my heart was fucked. I had all the tests done and the doctor said I was as healthy as a trout but that I had anxiety.

I told him that I was never an anxious person, that I was always joking and messing around. He pointed to my leg which was going up and down like the clappers.

Whatever grief I went through was physically manifesting itself months later as anxiety and looking back on it, I was a wreck who dealt with grief with alcohol, drugs, a bit of gambling or whatever took my mind off it.

I'm pretty much back to normal now. I never took medication or got counselling because I didn't think I was that far gone. I'll occasionally feel a bit strange in supermarkets for some reason. I've read that closed off big spaces can trigger anxiety.

 

[clint van damme]

I'm as laid back as they come. Never had any issues with mental health and always thought it was for the weak minded. Until a few years ago.

Two people who were very close to me died within a year of each other, both from cancer and it ate them up and turned them into husks and then they died. No battles, no hope, just vicious horrible terminal cancer.

I was angry for a while and then I just returned to normal life and everything was normal until I started to get numbness in my face and heart palpitations that led to panic attacks. At the time I thought my heart was fucked. I had all the tests done and the doctor said I was as healthy as a trout but that I had anxiety.

I told him that I was never an anxious person, that I was always joking and messing around. He pointed to my leg which was going up and down like the clappers.

Whatever grief I went through was physically manifesting itself months later as anxiety and looking back on it, I was a wreck who dealt with grief with alcohol, drugs, a bit of gambling or whatever took my mind off it.

I'm pretty much back to normal now. I never took medication or got counselling because I didn't think I was that far gone. I'll occasionally feel a bit strange in supermarkets for some reason. I've read that closed off big spaces can trigger anxiety.

that's the thing, your mental health can deteriorate at any time, just like every other aspect of your health.
I've always been OK but appreciate that can change very quickly.

 

[skybluetony176]

I'm as laid back as they come. Never had any issues with mental health and always thought it was for the weak minded. Until a few years ago.

Two people who were very close to me died within a year of each other, both from cancer and it ate them up and turned them into husks and then they died. No battles, no hope, just vicious horrible terminal cancer.

I was angry for a while and then I just returned to normal life and everything was normal until I started to get numbness in my face and heart palpitations that led to panic attacks. At the time I thought my heart was fucked. I had all the tests done and the doctor said I was as healthy as a trout but that I had anxiety.

I told him that I was never an anxious person, that I was always joking and messing around. He pointed to my leg which was going up and down like the clappers.

Whatever grief I went through was physically manifesting itself months later as anxiety and looking back on it, I was a wreck who dealt with grief with alcohol, drugs, a bit of gambling or whatever took my mind off it.

I'm pretty much back to normal now. I never took medication or got counselling because I didn't think I was that far gone. I'll occasionally feel a bit strange in supermarkets for some reason. I've read that closed off big spaces can trigger anxiety.

Had the restless legs too. Still do and probably always have. The first time I ever got hit by a big burst of anxiety was in toys R us. Just hit me out the blue where I had the feeling that I just needed to get out of there for no logical reason and could feel the anxiety building until I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. Didn’t understand what it was at the time which just made the anxiety worse.

 

[Houchens Head]

I'd just like to thank Rich for having the guts to 'open up' and start this thread. I've read every post and feel bloody awful that people on here who I regard as "mates" (albeit only online mates), have suffered mental illness of some sort. It is a horrible hidden illness and needs to be addressed more thoroughly. Please don't anyone think to themselves "I'm a bloke. I don't need to tell others how I feel!" That isn't the answer. None of us on here (at least I think so) are sufficiently medically trained, but opening up, even on a forum such as ours, is a huge first step. I for one, will always be a shoulder to lean on for anyone if they so wish to chat via private message.

 

[Nick]

How much exercise is everybody doing as well? Obviously not a cure but it does help.

 

[skybluetony176]

How much exercise is everybody doing as well? Obviously not a cure but it does help.

Definitely does. Plus has other benefits.

 

[Houchens Head]

How much exercise is everybody doing as well? Obviously not a cure but it does help.

I agree Nick. A good work out can make you feel loads better. Sadly, I'm past that era of my life, but great advice for anyone that is capable.

 

[Nick]

Also a difference on the type of exercise.

HIIT or really intense stuff is much better than going to the gym and wandering about (that usually just makes people feel worse as they don't feel like they have done anything).

10 rounds on a punch bag and 30 minutes of circuits and it's a different story.

Same as said about diet as well.

I'd recommend for people to go to the doctors or something like that if it gets unbearable, maybe even a 2nd opinion to be sure.

 

[clint van damme]

How much exercise is everybody doing as well? Obviously not a cure but it does help.

just back from the gym, first time for a couple of weeks! Anyone who saw me gasping, sweating like a pig and flapping about like a stranded mackerel is in real danger of experiencing some mental health trauma, not a pretty sight!

 

[Nick]

Oh and there's always a place on here for anybody who wants to discuss things or I can make a private section if people prefer that's hidden from guests just to vent!

 

[fellatio_Martinez]

Had the restless legs too. Still do and probably always have. The first time I ever got hit by a big burst of anxiety was in toys R us. Just hit me out the blue where I had the feeling that I just needed to get out of there for no logical reason and could feel the anxiety building until I felt like I was going to have a panic attack. Didn’t understand what it was at the time which just made the anxiety worse.

That feeling that I needed to flee wherever I was freaked me out too. The lightheadedness combined with heart palpitations really does fuck with your head. It physically feels like death is approaching.

I've only ever had three proper panic attacks. All before I knew It was anxiety. One was in a bar, I ended up walking around town with my friend for hours because whenever I stopped walking I thought I was going to die.

 

[The Reverend Skyblue]

Marty, getting specialist help takes time so if I was you I'd visit your doctor asap and ask him to put you down for referral to a specialist.
My daughter luckily had a great doctor who listened to her then got an appointment with a specialist who listened then made a diagnosis but it took more than a year for this process, though Norfolk does have the worst, and biggest waiting list ,mental health service in the UK.
My advice is get an urgent appt with doctor tomorrow, they always have slots at the end of each day for things like this, and get that ball rolling.

 

[Nick]

Marty, getting specialist help takes time so if I was you I'd visit your doctor asap and ask him to put you down for referral to a specialist.
My daughter luckily had a great doctor who listened to her then got an appointment with a specialist who listened then made a diagnosis but it took more than a year for this process, though Norfolk does have the worst, and biggest waiting list ,mental health service in the UK.
My advice is get an urgent appt with doctor tomorrow, they always have slots at the end of each day for things like this, and get that ball rolling.

It does depend on the doctors he is at too, mine is absolutely dog shit. They just want to get you out of that room as soon as they can.

 

[skybluetony176]

That feeling that I needed to flee wherever I was freaked me out too. The lightheadedness combined with heart palpitations really does fuck with your head. It physically feels like death is approaching.

I've only ever had three proper panic attacks. All before I knew It was anxiety. One was in a bar, I ended up walking around town with my friend for hours because whenever I stopped walking I thought I was going to die.

Not sure I’ve ever had a full on panic attack (having witnessed someone else having one once) but on one occasion I had to leave the cinema about five minutes into a film and go for a walk and once had to leave a restaurant and again go for a walk as I felt if I didn’t I was going to have a full on panic attack. The next problem for me was that it then leaves a stain on that scenario which was then a trigger for anxiety whenever I go to a restaurant or cinema which would first start to build simply knowing we were going. Fortunately these are two of the scenarios I have been able to get through and over and no longer suffer in restaurants at all and rarely in cinemas, sometimes a small amount in a packed cinema but drinking water and doing the tensing routine will keep it in check.

For reference I’m not sure if the tensing routine is the correct name but basically you clench your fists, then tense your forearms, then your biceps, then your shoulders, then your torso muscle groups, then your buttocks, then your thighs, then your calf’s then clench your toes and then reverse it so you’re doing a sort of Mexican wave of tensing your muscle groups through your body until the anxiety stops building or dissipates. Doesn’t work for everyone but it was a tip I come across online and seems to work for me. Just to add I’ve heard some suggest that extending the fingers and toes into a full stretch works better than clenching but for me clenching works better. Must by a stress ball.

 

[bringbackrattles]

When I went to the psychologist for some macho reason I never told anybody. My then missus came along later as part of my therapy, but kept it to myself. How stupid was that ! When I told my dad after about six months of counselling I thought he'd say pull yourself together etc or man up. But no he thought it was great, and even said I was strong for admitting I had an anger problem. That made me feel great. I recommend it to anybody, even when one or two "mates" said I was doing it to get out of trouble, and I'd always be in and out the nick etc. Well they were wrong there as I changed my thinking and life around. So to put it bluntly fuck what people say, your mental health is more important than negative comments.

 

[Tommo1993]

How do we feel when knobheads joke about depression and the like? Or they’re just a bit blue but claim to be chronically depressed?

 

[Nick]

How do we feel when knobheads joke about depression and the like? Or they’re just a bit blue but claim to be chronically depressed?

Think it depends on the context really.

 

[clint van damme]

How do we feel when knobheads joke about depression and the like? Or they’re just a bit blue but claim to be chronically depressed?

I've always thought it's really unhelpful the way the term depressed gets banded around and I think it is partly responsible for the man up, pull yourself together bollocks.
People use it when they're feeling a bit down or a bit melancholy and think it's down to their mental fortitude that they pull out of it a day later the daft cunts.

It would be like getting over a cold and saying I had a bit of cancer but I got myself through it, it's totally inappropriate terminology.

 

[skybluetony176]

While I’m getting it all out there (I feel I’m in a good place on this thread) this is especially for Rich. If it is anxiety you’re getting the home run in being diagnosed as anxiety for me was a sensation of sinking into and through the mattress when trying to get to sleep. Obviously not in the same sense as when you’re knackered you sink into the mattress as a pleasant and pleasurable sensation making you go ahh. This was something altogether different, felt very unpleasant, almost sinister like the world was about to collapse in around you. Apparently it’s an extremely common sensation with anxiety sufferers. Again it’s something I’ve been able to overcome and there are things you can do to help like slowing the brain down a good while before you go to sleep by turning the TV off an hour before you go to bed, laying in the fetal position, I’ve read about people who have special duvets with weights in so they feel swaddled. For me it’s the fetal position and in contrast to the tensing exercise making sure that my fists aren’t clenched.

 

[Tommo1993]

Think it depends on the context really.

In the sense of let’s say, a certain *long running tv show* has ended, “I’m so depressed”, heard that just the other week. It got under my skin, as it would. You know, when it’s so far away from any context, that it’s lost all meaning. Not too sure I’ve explained it well enough.

 

[skybluetony176]

How do we feel when knobheads joke about depression and the like? Or they’re just a bit blue but claim to be chronically depressed?

It does get me when someone is pissed of because they’ve had a bad day at work and describe themselves as a manic depressive. I know someone who has bipolar and has been sectioned twice for it (second time did it themselves). The first time they were sectioned she became so manic she became completely delusional and thought she was the second coming and thought that those around her were the ones who were delusional. She was in her early 30’s when this happened and was diagnosed bipolar, at which point it became obvious to her that the issue had been there a long time (it’s not just men that bottle it up, live in denial, ignore it and hide it) but it took this serious episode to bring it to the fore. The second time she was sectioned was why they were trying to get her medication right, she could feel the manic building and volunteered herself to be sectioned so she was in a safe place to deal with it. Happy to report they’ve worked out her meds for her, she’s become a mother and lives a very fulfilling and balanced life achieving excellence in her professional life.