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Got myself a new Jack Russell puppy, he's mainly black and brown with a small white patch, so I've named him Birmingham.

I went to Boots this lunchtime. I was stopped outside by an employee & asked "Excuse me sir, what are your favourite grooming products?" I said, "Well, it's F@cebook, Haribo & puppies, obviously."

What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud

Do they charge you a quid for a pee whilst 'onboard'?

Who cares, he'll score for us either way!

You are only 16, don't get into card debt this early in your life..........................there's plenty of time between now and old age to do that!

Looking good then, are all these names 100% confirmed?

If you are female and dumb and desperate enough to volunteer to go on his show, you deserve all you get. I think Lemon is a complete tw*t but that's only my opinion.

Any names confirmed so far? Not suggesting anything but have been to similar games and you get the kit man, the husband of the tea lady etc etc.

Tell you what, I'll bet Bin Laden's cursing filling out his census form!

New Starbucks Coffee 'Bin Latte' - Dark bodied, skinny, frothy head with 2 shots in it Anagram of Osama Bin Laden is……………………….Lob da man in sea

Yeah, give it to Thorn. He can't do a worse job than some of the imported monkeys we have had of late.

What's got 100 legs and 30 pubic hairs? The front row of a Justin Beiber concert.

Who cares. No-one decent wants to come to the Ricoh. We'll end up with another Boothroyd and we'll be talking about this topic again, after Christmas.

What do you call a lesbian with fat fingers? Well endowed!

Is that Steven Segual? What do you call a nun with a washing machine on her head? Sister matic