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I’m lumping £500 on the league-cup double and for Ellis Simms to get an England call-up. Unless we concede a goal in which case I’m going to call in to CWR and cry about Gus Hamer and the ongoing wait for the away kit.

Everton are piss poor aren’t they. They’re in for another shit season.

Rudoni looks like a proper upgrade on that lad that went to Sheffield. Quick footballing mind, willing to take a risk, covers loads of ground. Really looking forward to watching him this season.

We’re gonna piss the league.

So you think you can read into statistics which by your generous admission might be 30% out. Wild. If Milan van Ewijk was 30% better he’d be a world beater. If Ellis Simms was 30% worse he’d be playing in the conference. I don’t think you understand how maths, or football, work.

Maybe we’ll get him and Udogie for the season.

I’ve only ever seen him quoted here, maybe I’m just incredibly astute.

Thanks, so clearly an authority on the square root of fuck all then. What a weapon

I’m delighted to see Sakamoto’s name in a lineup again. I think he’s going to be massive for us this season.

For the benefit of the uninitiated, who is this clown? His tweets come across like those of some desperate hanger on who gets all of his self-worth from twitter likes but I assume he is/was somehow connected to the club?

What a kit. What a team. Unbeaten all season so far. Get the Robins statue up.

You know the players don't have to order them themselves on the club website, right?

It's a great kit - unique concept, true to the clubs identity, high calibre sponsor, an uncomplicated and confident execution befitting a club of our stature, will look good on all the fatties as well as on the players, isn't a throwback kit which we've had plenty of, and isn't an off-the-shelf...

Love it. Proper Sky Blue, no stripes, sponsor the right size and the right colour. Much better than recent seasons.

I think the three signings we have made into the academy show a change in direction for recruitment. Players who are sometimes a little further along in their development and where the path to the first team is shorter, though obviously still by no means guaranteed. Recruiting players who have...

I eagerly await Saddlebrains' ermine coat and crown being ceremonially passed on to me.

The one that pays the most money.

Mark Matlock? I heard he was being shown around Ryton today.

He was in a hot tub in Copenhagen 2 hours ago according to his instagram story. Unless he flew direct from Ryton that seems like a stretch.

The last two seasons we have reached the business end of the campaign and been so short on fully fit first team players, It's clear the squad needs to get bigger, and signings like this - whilst they may not improve the average standard - certainly add depth which you need in a ±50 game season...