fernandopartridge
Well-Known Member
What did he do?
Are you happy (3 Viewers)
- Thread starter We'll_live_and_die
- Start date
What did he do?
Liquid Gold
Well-Known Member
I'm very lucky to have a job that respects working hours, I do sometimes stay late but it's completely discretional and we often finish early to go to the pub together. It also helps that I do something that I genuinely believe in.
clint van damme
Well-Known Member
I was in this position a few years ago. Incredibly stressful job and long hours often 7 days a week. It's a dangerous combination.
I have got a much better work/life balance now but that's due to the gradual winding down of our facility until it shuts and I'm made redundant later in the year. I'm sure they'd still be after their pound of flesh if we were still busy.
But I'll never go back to working like that again it was madness.
I heard about a German company who banned employees from taking calls or answering e mails outside of their working hours.
Brighton Sky Blue
Well-Known Member
Best one I heard was a woman found out her fella had been cheating so she soaked some male contraception in the super hot chilli sauce you can only get off the internet. Needless to say she had the last laugh
shmmeee
Well-Known Member
Hahahaha been thinking this about my ex but would never do anything. Especially if it might jeopardise me seeing my kids. But in my darker moments I do like a browse of this subreddit: Pro Revenge
Brighton Sky Blue
Well-Known Member
Who left who?
shmmeee
Well-Known Member
With the ex? She left me, had been cheating and tried (maybe succeeded?) to cheat with my best mate. Conned me out of £10k of equity on the house plus all the contents while I was in a mess and just wanting her back, waited until I’d spent my inheritance on paying off her debts before she left then came back when realised I had a bit more and left again once that had gone. Started threatening to make up abuse allegations. It’s been a wild ride. I got fucked over and can’t really do anything about it, so I do have the odd revenge fantasy. But as I say Id never act on it. All that matters is my girls.
Brighton Sky Blue
Well-Known Member
Fair enough. Bit unsettling to know such a person is still educating folks but there we are
Wyken Sky Blue
Well-Known Member
Wyken Sky Blue
Well-Known Member
Laptops, home broadband, WiFi and constant communication via work phones doesn't help.
How many times have people left their work phone on and you receive an email late in the day (particularly Friday) or the weekend and dealt with it there and then rather than leaving until Monday?
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covmark
Well-Known Member
Fucking hell, what a bitch.
At least you had some good come out if it with your daughters.
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chiefdave
Well-Known Member
The latest trick at my place is you don't even get a work phone, but you have to have a phone. They started by paying an allowance for using your own phone but then stopped even that claiming everyone gets free minutes on their personal phone contact.
And it quickly moves from you doing it voluntarily to being expected. I've had a blast from a manager in the past first thing in the office for not having respond to an email that was sent at 3am that morning!
The line that gets pushed is that those that 'go the extra mile' will somehow be rewarded yet we've had a decade of wage stagnation during which, at least in my industry, we're seen longer hours, less holiday allowance, ending of overtime and TOIL and the end of bonus payments when the company is doing well. Everything seems geared now to maximising the amount that goes to those at the very top.
chiefdave
Well-Known Member
All sounds very familiar, add me to the screwed over club.
I got home one day and my mrs had moved out. Claimed nobody else was involved but she'd moved to the US and got engaged before the divorce was finalised and was got married again within 6 months!
Of course this was right after re-mortgaging so got hammered for thousands in fees when that was paid back, had just spent thousands doing the house up (using my inheritance). Ended up having to borrow about £15K on credit cards to pay everything she was demanding. It's a messed up system where one person walks away with tens of thousands in the bank and the other gets huge debts.
The laws around divorce need a massive overhaul, not fit for purpose these days. I went to see two lawyers who both said the same, they can play the system and know it will cost you more to challenge than what they're asking for and even if you do challenge its a lottery what a judge will decide.
Earlsdon_Skyblue1
Well-Known Member
I was away long hours and did more flights than I care to count (I did count but I don't want the eco warriors on my back). I was away from home with him a lot and he would report back to my boss making up things that I had done wrong. It was pure lies. My boss never really confronted me because he was a lettuce but some of the stuff I found out from third parties and even planting my phone to record meetings when I wasn't there chucked up some outrageous stuff.
I was up against it for a year before getting fired. They knew this guy was a tool but he worked even more hours than me and was more experienced so they paid me off a couple of months essentially to shut me up.
He would shout at me in front of clients and bitch about me to colleagues. Made my life hell. I stood up to him quite a few times and he would back off for a month or so before it subtlety started again.
My boss didn't want to do anything when I went to him and blamed me more and said I was making up ridiculous allegations.
It was a living hell. This guy was a liar but cunning and played the innocent smiley face. A lot of it was built on jealousy I think. I tried everything including being nice to him etc, nothing worked.
My post doesn't remotely even do it justice, but it was shattering. If I could kill one person and get away with it I think it would be him without any doubt. Not that I ever would of course, but if there was some purge shit I wouldn't lose any sleep. I know where he lives and stuff, but I don't want to ruin his life. Just want him to know he fucked with the wrong guy. It's been long enough now since I got fired.
Earlsdon_Skyblue1
Well-Known Member
Shmmeee and ESB1 live footage.
Seriously though, that is fucking awful. You seemed to have bounced back though and that's all that matters. Respect for that, mate.
fernandopartridge
Well-Known Member
I'm not really sure what to suggest beyond smashing his head in
covmark
Well-Known Member
Haha I was literally about to post the same thing.
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Moff
Well-Known Member
Fuck me, I seem to have beat the normal trend.
As Shmeee will know as we went through the same thing at the same time, my charming ex also had an affair, with a work colleague, an equally as dull, grey, work obsessed c*nt as her, and left me for him, breaking the kids hearts.
My ex was the predominant wage earner, as I had left my job due to a car accident that left me with a permanent injury stopping me doing my job anymore.
Luckily I was pointed in the direction of a good solicitor, and got 60% of the equity of the house, in agreement that I didn't go after her wage in the future.
Whilst I still think she got off fairly lightly, as it would have been great to have let her work know and made her look the shit she is, I got a good deal, met someone new, got a new house, my kids like her, and get on with her boys, and whilst they are fairly ok with my exs partner (still the same work colleague who now lives with her) they are far happier when they are with me, so much so my 18 year old son is with me most the time, and I have my daughter a week on a week off, which is better than could of been.
I still feel some resentment, but my ex loves her job and herself more than anything else, so I am happy to be shot of her. My finances arent a patch on what they used to be, but im happy with my new partner and life is far better, than the pit I was in when I was first shat on, and I am now much much much happier.
fernandopartridge
Well-Known Member
Glad things have worked out better for you, and they will for schmmeee in the end I'm sure.
olderskyblue
Well-Known Member
Must admit, it does remind me how sweet revenge can be, and I was lucky enough to get it once.
I started a business with a guy I had worked with (but different depts) who was a great guy, and seemed to have a good work ethic.
how wrong I was. I had to pick him up on numerous things, arriving late for important client meetings, smelling of alcohol, spending more time in the pub than the office etc. Told him to get his act together.
He decided on another option which was to try to remove me from the business. Got nasty, he told one of the other guys he’d sent 4 heavies to the office to smash me up, so I found myself a baseball bat and waited. One short arse arrived with notification of my sacking. When he handed it to me, my face must have given away how I was feeling as he ran like the wind.
Anyway, I orchestrated for him to buy me out (he couldn’t sack me, the buffoon) and it was all agreed. I started a new business, sorted an office etc. 2 weeks later all the other people in the old business resigned and came and joined me.
he was left with 2 offices, 7 vehicles with long leases, and no employees. We were all at the pub celebrating when a guy that knew him came in, and told us that the wanker had been to see him crying his eyes out.
we all roared with laughter. There’s lots more to this story, this is just a fraction of it, but revenge was definitely sweet, even without causing him physical harm.
fernandopartridge
Well-Known Member
That's the best sort of revenge, the one where the victim is oblivious to what's happening until it is too late
shmmeee
Well-Known Member
Really down again. Birthday in two weeks which is always a trigger for me for some reason. Spoke to my daughter and it’s clear she’s been talked into rejecting Finham and going to Nico in Bedduth, legally I can veto but I’m not sure that’s wise. I’ve broken myself financially since the divorce to give her the chance of Finham and it looks like it’s all for nothing. Feel like I’m never getting out of the debt I’m in and, pushing 40, might have to move in with my parents to get back on my feet financially and give up seeing the girls for half the week (both because of space and the fact that my Mum is terrible for my daughters mental health), that or ask my gf to move in when this lockdown has made me really doubt I even want to be with her long term. Add in work emailed me Friday saying my focus has been off recently (no shit I’m depressed and have been ill three of the last four weeks), and I’ve not got my usual crutch of smoking to get me through. Started drinking instead which I don’t normally do at all.
Feel trapped and hopeless again, can’t see any good options and it’s dawning on me the right option is to give up seeing my kids and get myself on my feet again but even doing that can’t really happen until lockdowns over and God knows when that’ll be. Only positive is I still haven’t gone and got a smoke in all this. Financial stability and owning my own home seems a lifetime away if it’ll ever happen at all. Just want to eat shit and watch crap movies until it all goes away. Really hoping it’s just my usual birthday depression cycle and I’ll be out the other side in a few weeks but if I’m honest the reality of the situation with my girls and money has been around for six or seven months and I’ve just been keeping my head above water so something needs to change.
Feel trapped and hopeless again, can’t see any good options and it’s dawning on me the right option is to give up seeing my kids and get myself on my feet again but even doing that can’t really happen until lockdowns over and God knows when that’ll be. Only positive is I still haven’t gone and got a smoke in all this. Financial stability and owning my own home seems a lifetime away if it’ll ever happen at all. Just want to eat shit and watch crap movies until it all goes away. Really hoping it’s just my usual birthday depression cycle and I’ll be out the other side in a few weeks but if I’m honest the reality of the situation with my girls and money has been around for six or seven months and I’ve just been keeping my head above water so something needs to change.
clint van damme
Well-Known Member
By break yourself financially does that mean you moved somewhere you couldn't afford to get into the Finham catchment area?
If so, and your daughter is now going nico, can't you move somewhere less expensive.
Personally, and it's just my view, if moving in with your parents or girlfriend don't feel right then don't do it.
In.my experience peoe are quite adept at sorting poor financial situations but not so good a healing fractious relationships.
I would also try and get your excersise regime going. Even just walking.
Drink and junk food never help but it's amazing how a bit of excersise before you indulge help you to tell yourself you deserve it rather than you feeling guilty
If so, and your daughter is now going nico, can't you move somewhere less expensive.
Personally, and it's just my view, if moving in with your parents or girlfriend don't feel right then don't do it.
In.my experience peoe are quite adept at sorting poor financial situations but not so good a healing fractious relationships.
I would also try and get your excersise regime going. Even just walking.
Drink and junk food never help but it's amazing how a bit of excersise before you indulge help you to tell yourself you deserve it rather than you feeling guilty
shmmeee
Well-Known Member
The difference in price moving to a shittier area isn’t huge, maybe £100/month which doesn’t make a huge difference in the long run. I need a three bed house on my own is the problem. I really should either move to a flat or in with my parents/gf to pay down debt quickly. But any of those would really mean the kids will stay with their mum. That’s what’s going to happen I guess it was vanity to think otherwise. I dunno. This is the wrong place to say this stuff.
clint van damme
Well-Known Member
Why do you need a 3 bedroom?
Even if your girls need a room each couldn't you get a sofa bed in the living room?
If a 2 bedroom flat means getting out of debt but not having to move in with your parents (which it sounds like you have real issues with) it might be a small price to pay and you'd only be in the sofa bed when the girls are there
shmmeee
Well-Known Member
That’s true. Hadn’t considered a sofa bed for me. I’ll have a think about it. I might just let them be with the ex while I get myself out of debt and save a deposit. I reckon I could do it in a year or two max, it’s just my mum destroyed both mine and my sisters confidence with how she is and I know she does the same to my eldest daughter so I couldn’t put them through that.
I think some of it is pride trying to give them as much as they get with their mum but as I’ve said she got the house and a lot of cash and I didn’t out of the divorce so I think it’s been folly to try and match it. I just didn’t want them to not want to live with me you know? It’s hard accepting reality sometimes.
I’m going to have a look at flat rentals and run some numbers. I can’t keep going like this something has to give and if I’m not getting her into a decent school there’s no point. That’s another issue getting me down, I wanted the best for her and I’m worried she’s going to end up pregnant and on drugs at 16 at this rate. I went to a shitty secondary after a nice primary and I ended up smoking and taking drugs/drinking at 14/15 and not trying in lessons to fit in. I just dunno, as I say my cyclical depression is due and a lot of this could be down to that and I shouldn’t make any big decisions.
Really want a joint.
clint van damme
Well-Known Member
I think in your initial post you put up a pretty extensive list of issues and your not going to find a solution that solves them all over night so maybe best to prioritise the most pressing.
Don't get too hung up on this school thing. I don't think Finham is everything it's cracked up to be and you've got teaching experience so can help out with the acad4mic side of things.
Mad times at the minute so yeah,.maybe sleep on things until you're in a bit of a better place..
Nick
Administrator
You can't not have your kids round for a couple of years, or did you mean to get and get full custody?
I fully get the school issues and wanting her to go to a good school, although you can still play a part in it and steer her the right way.
Obviously if she isn't going to school the, don't bust your back trying to live there.
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fernandopartridge
Well-Known Member
I think you're being a little irrational on both points really :
1. Kids really are not as materialistic as Karen might say, spending time with their dad is better than not seeing him at all
2. Your daughter's schooling tbh pal. It sounds like the sort of ridiculous stereotype you'd usually be on top of but then it's easy from the outside. Between you and your ex you are surely the right home influence to make sure this doesn't happen or at least make it extremely unlikely
shmmeee
Well-Known Member
Here’s the thing. I went to Hearsall, then could’ve gone to Finham where all my mates went but went to Callow instead. I hate a shit time, clung on your mates that weren’t good for me and spectacularly undershot expectations. I see people I knew who went to Finham on FB now with much better lives. Teachers come and go, cohorts of kids stay. Finham has decent middle class kids with decent middle class parents. So IMO a schools matter. You are far more likely to do well in a better school. Especially if you’re a middle of the road kid like my eldest.
Now counterpoint to this: she’s not me and now ain’t then and I’m trying to relive my life when hers is very different. Also it’s me tying to cling to the last bit of where I expected her life to go. Finham had been what we’d discussed prior to divorce and where her mates are going and I haven’t come to terms with change. Which is very much me. I know Nico is only on the cards because my ex bought a house by it. It wasn’t chosen because it’s good for her but because it’s easy for my ex and I don’t agree with that.
So I dunno man. This is my brain on depression all over. I get stuck in inaction because I can see both sides and I don’t k is which way to go. Do I step out and save up, if so why? To what end? Do I rent near my ex and try and maintain something in this new life I disagree with? Do I disagree for sensible reasons or should I focus on just being happy with the girls? Can I be happy if I disagree? I’m all over the place. Hence me saying maybe now isn’t a good time, but then equally this has been going on in my
Head since before I got down again.
I just don’t want to fuck it up and I know I’m fucking it up by not wanting to fuck it up. I didn’t want any of this. I can’t help but feel it’d be easier for the girls if I just turned up every now and again and took them to the park or whatever part time dads do and the c**t my ex is with becomes their dad and I pay my ex for the privilege because that’s how it works. I think. I don’t even know. I don’t know what my role is now you know? How do I best support them? Should I just cut and run and fuck off somewhere? I can’t bear to watch them grow up raised by people with values so antithetical to my own. Is that right for them though? An I being selfish here?
I’m a mess man.
clint van damme
Well-Known Member
It's a right shit show unfortunately.
One thing I would say,.Just my thoughts on it, is it may seem a long way off but your eldest daughter will be approaching adulthood before you know it.
She'll process everything that's gone on between you and your ex with a more mature eye.
She'll know if anyone has acted the twat throughout this process and I'd imagine she'll be a huge influence on how your younger daughter sees the situation so just make sure you don't fall into the twat category!
That's probably going to mean swallowing some shit and some pain but you'll come through it.
I've known a lot of people come through these sorts of situations and the ones who have managed best in the long run have put the kids happiness above everything else and not got into a battle with their ex.
Definitely don't cut and run. You'll regret it further down the line I'm sure.
Fingers crossed everything works out for you.
chiefdave
Well-Known Member
My finances were a mess after the divorce without having the cost of kids to worry about. Its a tough hole to get out of. When you're older you don't want to go back to living like you did as a teenager, either with your parents or in a shared place. Wouldn't do your mental health any good.
But the flip side is if you go for somewhere half decent when renting it burns up a huge chunk of your salary. I had regular 'discussions' with my Dad who couldn't understand why, after a couple of years of renting, I didn't have a deposit for a house saved up. No matter how many times I explained it was a struggle to make sure more wasn't going out than coming in he couldn't get it and would assume I was pissing it up the wall somewhere.
Assume your kids are in Bedworth from what you said about schools. Would moving over there be a cheaper option?
chiefdave
Well-Known Member
As hard as it must be keep in mind that how they do at school isn't the end of the world. I went to Finham and the thing I've noticed from catching up with everyone on Facebook is the ones who left at 16 with not much in the way of qualifications seem in a better place than the ones who went on to further education. Reason being they took time to work out what they actually wanted to do in life and then went back to college / university rather than just following a path somebody else had laid out and ending up in a job they don't really like.
shmmeee
Well-Known Member
You’re spot on about the money. I’m not even sure I’d save that much moving to Bedworth once the longer commute is factored in, another hour or so in traffic a day isn’t my idea of fun either. Also it’s a shithole and I really don’t want to live there. I want to own my own house again, that’s why I’m thinking short sharp shock. Take it on the chin, spend as little as humanly possible and save up a deposit then see where I can get.
This is going to sound snobby but fuck it. My family is pretty middle class, hers is pretty chavvy. My exes Mum and sisters are very chavvy as is her new bloke. I don’t want my daughter ending up like that. She’s got a good friendship group with decent parents at the moment and I don’t want her to lose that and go full council estate.
This is going to sound snobby but fuck it. My family is pretty middle class, hers is pretty chavvy. My exes Mum and sisters are very chavvy as is her new bloke. I don’t want my daughter ending up like that. She’s got a good friendship group with decent parents at the moment and I don’t want her to lose that and go full council estate.