Are you happy (2 Viewers)

hill83 · Jun 1, 2020

I've been home alone through all this and have ups and down. The wife and my son have temporarily moved out which I won't get into. I've had my son a few nights/days when I've not been working.
I'm drinking more, but still feel like it's at a manageable level. The main thing getting me through is playing Warzone on the PS4 with my mates pretty much every night. 4/5 hours of playing and talking bollocks.

Ended last year and started this year buzzing and feeling great, think I even mentioned it on here. But I'm at an all time low at the moment.

I'm pretty good with things going wrong though to be fair and don't feel anywhere near as bad as some people are saying on here so almost feel a bit daft mentioning it. But I suppose it's all relative.

shmmeee · Jun 1, 2020

hill83 said:
I've been home alone through all this and have ups and down. The wife and my son have temporarily moved out which I won't get into. I've had my son a few nights/days when I've not been working.
I'm drinking more, but still feel like it's at a manageable level. The main thing getting me through is playing Warzone on the PS4 with my mates pretty much every night. 4/5 hours of playing and talking bollocks.

Ended last year and started this year buzzing and feeling great, think I even mentioned it on here. But I'm at an all time low at the moment.

I'm pretty good with things going wrong though to be fair and don't feel anywhere near as bad as some people are saying on here so almost feel a bit daft mentioning it.

Don’t be silly mate. You can’t compare situations, everything’s relative to you. Kids are tough, just got to make the most of the time you have with them and everything else will fall into place is what I’ve learned. Hope you get on the upswing again soon.

hill83 · Jun 1, 2020

shmmeee said:
Don’t be silly mate. You can’t compare situations, everything’s relative to you. Kids are tough, just got to make the most of the time you have with them and everything else will fall into place is what I’ve learned. Hope you get on the upswing again soon.

Weirdly I added it's all relative before you posted your reply.

Mcbean · Jun 2, 2020

When you have been used to company going solo has its downsides but hey we have had to put up with no football to divert us - soon things will be resolved and we will have something to occupy our put out minds - chin up chap

Earlsdon_Skyblue1 · Jun 3, 2020

It's really nice to have such a sense of community on here.

@hill83 I can relate to how you feel about from your son (I have two dogs though). Uncertainty is tough but also new chapters too. Sounds like you are handling it really well considering. Keep that up and keep your emotions on adult level at all times.

As some may know, I had been going through a divorce then meeting an amazing woman only to lose her too. I feel numb now and it has given me a feeling like I just want to to to an island alone and shut myself off.

@CCFCSteve @Sick Boy - sorry I didn't reply to your posts. It was a bit hard at the time I think. I know she was in two minds but I just don't know how much it was that she wasn't ready versus wasn't ready for me. I genuinely think it was the former but who knows.

Trying to do my best to focus on myself and to be honest it keeps be going that she might be back one day when she has got through her own divorce.

What we will never know.

I let her go and at least I know I did the right thing to give her freedom, I hope she remembers me fondly, but I feel I have to stay strong and continue no contact. I made it clear she had to make the next move in the future. I guess we will see, and in the meantime I'll keep focusing on myself. Just sucks I think about it constantly.

Sky Blue Harry H · Jun 3, 2020

Earlsdon_Skyblue1 said:
Just sucks I think about it constantly.

Not easy mate, and I obviously don't know you (apart from when you intervened with that drunk bloke at The Ricoh!) but it is easy to build up all the good feelings you have about someone (especially an ex partner) and exaggerate them, so that the person ends up on a pedestal. As you said, there is a reason you split - perhaps just timing, and one or both of you in the wrong head space. Obviously hope it works out for you if that's what you want, but I would try and look at other areas / people in your life that have a positive influence on your happiness. It sounds like you've made a positive decision not to chase her and give her some space, and that can only be a good thing - it would only lower her opinion of you had you not done so. Good luck and hope you manage to navigate this successfully.

Earlsdon_Skyblue1 · Jun 5, 2020

That girl just messaged me, after 5 months.

Just said she was scrolling down and saw me. Said she hoped I was alright and got what I deserve and was alright.

Is it an indirect/direct approach?

What does it mean?

hill83 · Jun 5, 2020

Not an approach

Earlsdon_Skyblue1 · Jun 5, 2020

hill83 said:
Not an approach

What do you mean?

Just her clearing her conscience? My heart is going overtime.

hill83 · Jun 5, 2020

Earlsdon_Skyblue1 said:
What do you mean?

Just her clearing her conscience? My heart is going overtime.

I mean I wouldn’t be thinking of it as an approach. Possibly would be worth talking though, but I’d be tempted to ignore it.

Earlsdon_Skyblue1 · Jun 5, 2020

hill83 said:
I mean I wouldn’t be thinking of it as an approach. Possibly would be worth talking though, but I’d be tempted to ignore it.

Thanks mate.

I've bombarded all my friends and they all have mixed opinions. She was always very cautious with words so it is hard to tell.

She knows how much I like her so if she is just going this to sign off properly and clear her conscience she can fuck off.

I don't think I'll know unless I respond but I'll certainly be cautious. Might just ask her how she is etc.

It is tempting to ignore it but I don't think I could live with myself if I did.

fernandopartridge · Jun 5, 2020

Earlsdon_Skyblue1 said:
Thanks mate.

I've bombarded all my friends and they all have mixed opinions. She was always very cautious with words so it is hard to tell.

She knows how much I like her so if she is just going this to sign off properly and clear her conscience she can fuck off.

I don't think I'll know unless I respond but I'll certainly be cautious. Might just ask her how she is etc.

It is tempting to ignore it but I don't think I could live with myself if I did.

Message her back, keep it light. Better to do it then think about what might have been imo.

Without reading too much into what she's saying it sounds a bit of a woman's way to concede she'd fucked you about without actually saying it.

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Earlsdon_Skyblue1 · Jun 6, 2020

fernandopartridge said:
Message her back, keep it light. Better to do it then think about what might have been imo.

Without reading too much into what she's saying it sounds a bit of a woman's way to concede she'd fucked you about without actually saying it.

Sent from my ELE-L29 using Tapatalk

Thanks FP.

Yeah, it is difficult to ascertain exactly what it means but I will reply as if it was a mate. No feelings or depth, just polite and will see if I can start a conversation.

As I said, no idea if it is just her clearing some guilt or if she wants me to reply.

I posted a post on LinkedIn for the first time in ages where I have her mate (the one that reached) out. And also put a sexy new WhatsApp picture so I don't know I'd that was some bait. I'll proceed with caution and no expectation.

Sorry for making this thread the Earlsdon show. I guess it just shows how I highly I regard the opinions on here even if I don't always agree with them all.

clint van damme · Jun 6, 2020

Earlsdon_Skyblue1 said:
That girl just messaged me, after 5 months.

Just said she was scrolling down and saw me. Said she hoped I was alright and got what I deserve and was alright.

Is it an indirect/direct approach?

What does it mean?

Whatever you do proceed with caution and try not to get your hopes up that this is the start of a reoncilliation (which is easier said than done).

You don't want to go back to square one if she's messing with you.

Nick · Jun 6, 2020

Plough her mate, then her

Sick Boy · Jun 6, 2020

Earlsdon_Skyblue1 said:
That girl just messaged me, after 5 months.

Just said she was scrolling down and saw me. Said she hoped I was alright and got what I deserve and was alright.

Is it an indirect/direct approach?

What does it mean?

Unfortunately there is nothing in her message to suggest it is an approach, I would advise that whatever you do, do not reply to her and maintain no contact as it is only going to set you back.

Earlsdon_Skyblue1 said:
As I said, no idea if it is just her clearing some guilt or if she wants me to reply.

She probably misses the attention that you used to give her and wants to know if you will still give her that attention to give her a boost. It's happened to me and I have done it myself to women when younger, it is natural to want to feel that someone is still that into you. Those who genuinely feel and share your pain at being apart will not message someone in that way as they will be aware of the pain that it will cause to both parties and the endless internal searching that happens.

I know that it is not what you want to hear and that it is easy to try and search for little hints but honestly I there is nothing there to suggest it is going to end up how you want it to and having you reply back to her lets her know that she still has that effect on you.

It is all easier said than done though and I have been through it myself but it really is for the best, even though it is hard. When you have gone a few weeks without thinking about her at all, maybe then you should consider contacting her, but by that stage the urge will have gone as you will have moved on and be in a better place.

Marty · Jun 6, 2020

Sick Boy said:
Unfortunately there is nothing in her message to suggest it is an approach, I would advise that whatever you do, do not reply to her and maintain no contact as it is only going to set you back.

She probably misses the attention that you used to give her and wants to know if you will still give her that attention to give her a boost. It's happened to me and I have done it myself to women when younger, it is natural to want to feel that someone is still that into you. Those who genuinely feel and share your pain at being apart will not message someone in that way as they will be aware of the pain that it will cause to both parties and the endless internal searching that happens.

I know that it is not what you want to hear and that it is easy to try and search for little hints but honestly I there is nothing there to suggest it is going to end up how you want it to and having you reply back to her lets her know that she still has that effect on you.

It is all easier said than done though and I have been through it myself but it really is for the best, even though it is hard. When you have gone a few weeks without thinking about her at all, maybe then you should consider contacting her, but by that stage the urge will have gone as you will have moved on and be in a better place.

This is top advice and saved me typing the exact same.

Earlsdon_Skyblue1 · Jun 6, 2020

Some solid advice guys.

I've pushed it past some of my female friends and they are largely bemused too. Some say if they wanted to reach out they would do it in this kind of way just to protect themselves, others have said maybe she's just thinking I've got on with my life and misses some validation. Not sure if it is testing the water or what.

To be honest I woke up this morning largely indifferent to it. Which is a good sign. I think I will reply as I'll always wonder why if I don't, but I will be extremely cautious. Keep it very light and protect myself. Maybe even make out how incredibly well I'm doing with no fucks given if she doesn't reply.

I have to be careful as some of you have said, that I don't let it push me back, but I think this has also proved how far I've come.

Nick · Jun 11, 2020

Really need the gyms and training to open again. People in general are really starting to piss me off.

Hopefully it wont be long now but really struggling.

shmmeee · Jun 11, 2020

Nick said:
Really need the gyms and training to open again. People in general are really starting to piss me off.

Hopefully it wont be long now but really struggling.

I hear that. Just kicked off weight and body weight training again and got HeadSpace for daily meditations and it definitely helping. Also starting to teach myself piano which is giving me nice little wins each day.

Earlsdon_Skyblue1 · Jun 11, 2020

Nick said:
Really need the gyms and training to open again. People in general are really starting to piss me off.

Hopefully it wont be long now but really struggling.

It might sound an obvious and boring response but getting out more even on your own I find helps.

I watched my mates play golf the other day and just walked round, it was really peaceful and nice. We also played footgolf which was a good laugh.

Earlsdon_Skyblue1 · Jun 11, 2020

A quick updated on my situation as since I've bored you all with it, it's only fair to let you know what's been going on.

We have been texting each day since the weekend and she is openly flirting with me. I have no idea what she wants but she is sharing loads of information about her new apartment and has a lot of interest in what I've been up to.

She's been very pleasant and nice, but she still seems to have her guard up. I invited her to come and visit me and said it was an open invitation and she doesn't need to answer right this second. I didn't get a no or yes at this point so I continue with a bit of caution.

Not really sure what she wants at all and I'm not certain she does either. Feels like she wants to test the water without really committing to anything.

The fact she reached out and continues to be conversational is good, but at somepoint I guess I need to know what she wants from me. Just worried now we have a communication line that I will ruin it if I make a wrong move.

She said her divorce is going through on Monday.

Deleted member 5849 · Jun 11, 2020

Earlsdon_Skyblue1 said:
Just worried now we have a communication line that I will ruin it if I make a wrong move.

You won't ruin it. If she vanishes then she clearly isn't that into you and who you are, and you can focus on finding somebody who is.

I appreciate that's easy to write coldly and bluntly when it's not me but... you won't ruin it, merely bring things to a head.

clint van damme · Jun 11, 2020

Earlsdon_Skyblue1 said:
A quick updated on my situation as since I've bored you all with it, it's only fair to let you know what's been going on.

We have been texting each day since the weekend and she is openly flirting with me. I have no idea what she wants but she is sharing loads of information about her new apartment and has a lot of interest in what I've been up to.

She's been very pleasant and nice, but she still seems to have her guard up. I invited her to come and visit me and said it was an open invitation and she doesn't need to answer right this second. I didn't get a no or yes at this point so I continue with a bit of caution.

Not really sure what she wants at all and I'm not certain she does either. Feels like she wants to test the water without really committing to anything.

The fact she reached out and continues to be conversational is good, but at somepoint I guess I need to know what she wants from me. Just worried now we have a communication line that I will ruin it if I make a wrong move.

She said her divorce is going through on Monday.

maybe she wanted to wait until the divorce was out of the way. Take it slowly.

Wyken Sky Blue · Jun 11, 2020

Nick said:
Really need the gyms and training to open again. People in general are really starting to piss me off.

Hopefully it wont be long now but really struggling.

Any exercise helps, even if its a walk/run/bike ride out in the fresh air.

I woke up one morning and immediate family thought I had hit depression as it was out of character for me. If that can happen to me whilst in this situation then I really feel for those that struggle on a regular basis, even pre Covid!

Nick · Jun 11, 2020

shmmeee said:
I hear that. Just kicked off weight and body weight training again and got HeadSpace for daily meditations and it definitely helping. Also starting to teach myself piano which is giving me nice little wins each day.

I cant get motivated or do that at home, did have weights but they just went rusty.

Have been trying the 3d printing but that pisses me off more!

scottccfc · Jun 11, 2020

we started rugby training again on Tuesday and it was all kept in groups of 6 and 2 meters apart and since then ive felt i'm in a better space mental health wise.

shmmeee · Jun 11, 2020

Nick said:
I cant get motivated or do that at home, did have weights but they just went rusty.

Have been trying the 3d printing but that pisses me off more!

Hope you find something mate. It makes such a difference. What about body weight training?

Nick · Jun 11, 2020

shmmeee said:
Hope you find something mate. It makes such a difference. What about body weight training?

Yeah I do bits of that, press ups etc. Can't replicate going in a boxing gym and getting beasted for motivation or playing football etc.

Earlsdon_Skyblue1 · Jun 11, 2020

Deleted member 5849 said:
You won't ruin it. If she vanishes then she clearly isn't that into you and who you are, and you can focus on finding somebody who is.

I appreciate that's easy to write coldly and bluntly when it's not me but... you won't ruin it, merely bring things to a head.

clint van damme said:
maybe she wanted to wait until the divorce was out of the way. Take it slowly.

Sort of caught between the two lads.

Obviously I want to know why and what she wants. It is a big head scratcher.

My plan is just to take it slow. I'm going away next week and I've invited her, I'm not going to push it but when I get there if she hasn't come back to me on it I'll ask her straight up about how she feels regarding meeting up, and if she has any desire to hang out.

Guess I will get more of an idea then if I don't in the meantime. Just hope she isn't playing a game or stringing me along, but to reach out after over 5 months is something I guess.

Deleted member 5849 · Jun 11, 2020

Earlsdon_Skyblue1 said:
Sort of caught between the two lads.

Obviously I want to know why and what she wants. It is a big head scratcher.

My plan is just to take it slow. I'm going away next week and I've invited her, I'm not going to push it but when I get there if she hasn't come back to me on it I'll ask her straight up about how she feels regarding meeting up, and if she has any desire to hang out.

Guess I will get more of an idea then if I don't in the meantime. Just hope she isn't playing a game or stringing me along, but to reach out after over 5 months is something I guess.

Yeah to clarify I'm not saying force it, just if she goes cold then don't beat yourself up that you've caused it, as you haven't.

All any of us can be is ourselves. Some people will find us total dicks while others (bafflingly) might quite like us. But if the time, place, circumstance, personality ain't right then, it's easy to say when it's not me at this present time(!) but somebody will be out there. If it is this one fantastic, but if not, it's not meant to be and no point asking what you could have done differently.

Brighton Sky Blue · Jun 11, 2020

Earlsdon_Skyblue1 said:
Sort of caught between the two lads.

Obviously I want to know why and what she wants. It is a big head scratcher.

My plan is just to take it slow. I'm going away next week and I've invited her, I'm not going to push it but when I get there if she hasn't come back to me on it I'll ask her straight up about how she feels regarding meeting up, and if she has any desire to hang out.

Guess I will get more of an idea then if I don't in the meantime. Just hope she isn't playing a game or stringing me along, but to reach out after over 5 months is something I guess.

Sorry if it's been mentioned already but there was quite an interesting piece in the BBC about people getting in touch with exes during lockdown and the reasons behind it.

A surprise lockdown apology from my ex

SkyBlue_Bear83 · Jun 12, 2020

Had my first kiss tonight lads at 27 years old

GaryMabbuttsLeftKnee · Jun 12, 2020

SkyBlue_Bear83 said:
Had my first kiss tonight lads at 27 years old

Part of me is saying ‘Go on son!’ The other part is saying ‘Fucking social distancing!!!’ But given the situation, ill opt for the former.

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SkyBlueScottie · Jun 12, 2020

Earlsdon_Skyblue1 said:
Sort of caught between the two lads.

Obviously I want to know why and what she wants. It is a big head scratcher.

My plan is just to take it slow. I'm going away next week and I've invited her, I'm not going to push it but when I get there if she hasn't come back to me on it I'll ask her straight up about how she feels regarding meeting up, and if she has any desire to hang out.

Guess I will get more of an idea then if I don't in the meantime. Just hope she isn't playing a game or stringing me along, but to reach out after over 5 months is something I guess.

Having read through the thread tonight, so it's all condensed, I would say you need to talk to her. Reading your posts on here you are second guessing everything she has done, not done, said, not said. Suggest to her you need to talk, explain what's going on in your head. Ask her what she wants, of she isn't willing or not ready to be with you unfortunately you need to move on. A line needs to be drawn, to allow yourself to move on.

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