crap joke thread (3 Viewers)

[Houchens Head]

Incorrectly is always spelt incorrectly,
unless it's spelt incorrectly.

 

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[Houchens Head]

The waitress asked “Are you ready to order?”
“My wife is in the ladies.” I said.
“Do you know what she’s having?”
“Well she’s been gone 10 minutes, so probably a good shit.”

 

[Houchens Head]

Thought I’d treat the wife last night, so I booked us a table. What a shit night.
Turns out she doesn’t even like snooker.

 

[Sky_Blue_Daz]

I’ve painted my top lip a lovely shade of purple for mauvember

 

[ccfcrob]

What do you call a man with no shins? ........ Tony

 

[Captain Dart]

I asked my boss "What do you want me to do with this 6 metre roll of bubble wrap?"

He said "Just pop it in the Corner".

4 hours it took me!

 

[Mild-Mannered Janitor]

What type of cheese is made backwards?

Edam.

 

[Captain Dart]

I once got arrested for impersonating a firework.

They let me off.

 

[Captain Dart]

I went to the zoo yesterday and saw a baguette in a cage.

The zoo keeper told me it was bread in captivity.

 

[Sky_Blue_Daz]

Wife’s just had a go at me for donating £20 to children in need


Next time I’ll use me own phone

 

[Sky_Blue_Daz]

How do you annoy an archaeologist?


Give them a used tampax and ask which period it’s from

 

[Captain Dart]

 

[Sky_Blue_Daz]

I just ordered some items online and accidentally used my organ donor card Instead of my credit card . It’s gonna cost me an arm and a leg

 

[Wyken Sky Blue]

I need to buy myself a watch but I haven't got the time.

Sent from my I3113 using Tapatalk

 

[Sky_Blue_Dreamer]

i was in the pub and there was a band on called The Duvet's. They were ok but they only did covers

Think they used to perform on the Continent under the name The Quilts.

 

[Sky_Blue_Dreamer]

I fell asleep at a party last night, and someone put a teabag in my mouth, I went mental!

No one treats me like a mug!

Sorry to break this to you but that wasn't a teabag!

 

[Otis]

I'm wondering. Was it "tea bag in," or "teabagging?"

 

[Blind-Faith]

When I was younger my fairy god mother asked me if I wanted a long penis or a long memory?

I can’t remember which one I chose....

 

[Brighton Sky Blue]

6x9 + (6+9)= 69

 

[Houchens Head]

Me and the wife were extremely happy for 26 years.
.
.
.
Then we met!

 

[Houchens Head]

Two nuns out for a bike ride in the countryside.
As they freewheeled down a cobbled street, one turns to the other and says "I've never come this way before."
The second one says "Nor me. It must be the cobbles!"

 

[Houchens Head]

I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley.

She said "Tenpin?"
I said, "No, permanent."

 

[Sky_Blue_Daz]

Guess who I bumped into in the opticians?

everyone

 

[Houchens Head]

 

[Brighton Sky Blue]

I have a few polyamorous friends.

They come in different shapes and sizes.

 

[Wyken Sky Blue]

Judge: Becker, you're being sentenced to 2.5 years in jail
Becker: How many months is that?
Judge: 30, love

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