Divorce (6 Viewers)

covcity4life · Feb 7, 2017

sorry to hear that shmee

my advice would be not to give up and try to talk her into giving it another go. ask her if there is things in particular that are causing issues for her and work towards fixing them. if still dont work fair enough but at least you will know there was no other option.

Earlsdon_Skyblue1 · Feb 7, 2017

I can't offer any divorce advice Shmeee (I'm getting married in July), but I can certainly empathise with being dumped after a long time completely out of the blue.

It's shit, and you probably won't understand why it's happened, but it is a phase in life and you'll get through it.

When I got dropped on my arse I forced myself to go travelling, spent 6 months living in California and travelling the states and came back a new man. Best thing I ever did, now I am also with a much better girl. Looks like I'm currently winning.

Chin up, you can turn this around too!

wingy · Feb 7, 2017

shmmeee said:
Thanks for the replies guys.

House. Two kids 7&2. Separate cars.

For now as much as I hate it, it makes sense for her to keep living in the house and me to move back. She seems agreeable to a 50/50 split eventually on the house but I wouldn't be surprised if we disagreed on when eventually was.

We've worked out a plan for the kids that's 50/50 based on my current uni timetable with an agreement to review when circumstances change.

Not seeing them every day will kill me, I've been out the house one night and it's killing me. We are telling the 7 year old tonight after school and I've got them both all day tomorrow so for now at least the split is going amicably.

So tough!

smouch1975 · Feb 7, 2017

Keep your calm and dignity.
Always remain morally right.

When things are amicable as they are now, wrap it up quickly.
In fact take the lead before a solicitor gets in her ear.

Do not!!! Try another go with her

Sent from my SM-N915G using Tapatalk

shmmeee · Feb 7, 2017

covcity4life said:
sorry to hear that shmee

my advice would be not to give up and try to talk her into giving it another go. ask her if there is things in particular that are causing issues for her and work towards fixing them. if still dont work fair enough but at least you will know there was no other option.

Been trying mate. She's not interested. She's a big romantic so doesn't see any point if she's not "in love", which I can respect.

Doesn't mean Im giving up, but if you love someone set them free. Best way I can get her back is to make her fall in love with me again and I won't do that as a snivelling mess.

smouch1975 · Feb 7, 2017

Wrap it up quickly
Trust someone that did not with this advice

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Earlsdon_Skyblue1 · Feb 7, 2017

shmmeee said:
Been trying mate. She's not interested. She's a big romantic so doesn't see any point if she's not "in love", which I can respect.

Doesn't mean Im giving up, but if you love someone set them free. Best way I can get her back is to make her fall in love with me again and I won't do that as a snivelling mess.

Top attitude. That will get you far.

Expect nothing, that little glimmer of hope can be a killer. Just plough on, if anything does happen it is a bonus, if not, pack a bag full of condoms. book a flight, and get slaying!

Nick · Feb 7, 2017

Earlsdon_Skyblue1 said:
Top attitude. That will get you far.

Expect nothing, that little glimmer of hope can be a killer. Just plough on, if anything does happen it is a bonus, if not, pack a bag full of condoms. book a flight, and get slaying!

That's a bit exotic.

I heard he had his Ben Sherman shirt ironed and the Tudor Rose was having it, the Jag if it's a quiet night.

covcity4life · Feb 7, 2017

no guarantee she will find love with another man though. yeah try reminding her of the man she once fell in love with. one day it will be a romcom and you will be played by hugh grant

richnrg · Feb 7, 2017

i'm a little surprised that no-one's suggested murder yet.

covcity4life · Feb 7, 2017

richnrg said:
i'm a little surprised that no-one's suggested murder yet.

Otis · Feb 7, 2017

richnrg said:
i'm a little surprised that no-one's suggested murder yet.

I've already said I am here for him.

duffer · Feb 7, 2017

Hi Shmmeee. I can only imagine what you're going through now, and like everyone else here I wish you weren't suffering through it. For my money emotional pain is in some ways harder to deal with than physical pain because it can seem like there's no end in sight.

However, the good news is that you will get through it. Much as it pains me to say it, you're a decent, intelligent, resouceful bloke, and you've got reserves of strength that you're not even aware of yet. It's a shit way to find out about them, but trust me, they're there.

My honest advice, for what it's worth, is to look after yourself a bit. Don't internalise it all and start blaming yourself, there's no point to that and (imho) it's as damaging to your mental health as trying to pull together reasons for it. Deal with what's directly in front of you and try really, really hard to avoid peering too far into the future - it's honestly not as bleak as it seems right now but it will take time to see that no matter what anyone here tells you.

Remember that you've got mates here and in real life that you can talk to about it, and similarly that you can ask not to talk about it if you're not in the mood. Use 'em, it's what they're there for! And treat yourself to something that will cheer you up a bit - DVD, book, computer game, whatever. Something that you can lose yourself in for a while.

For me when I was going through a rough patch, running and physical exercise helped - and even now I still hide away and play crappy on-line games on Games at Miniclip.com - Play Free Online Games if I feel myself sinking down a bit. We're all different so this may not work for you, but there will be something that will. Personally, I'd advise avoiding the football if you need cheering up, but a good rant at Fisher/SISU/the ref/the goalie might be therapeutic - it seems to help sometimes.

shmmeee · Feb 7, 2017

You know when I went to post this I thought "what kind of saddo are you asking Internet strangers for help". But you lot are the best internet strangers.

Thanks again for all the advice. About to go pick the eldest up from school, take her over there and break the news. Wish me luck.

bringbackrattles · Feb 7, 2017

shmmeee said:
Been trying mate. She's not interested. She's a big romantic so doesn't see any point if she's not "in love", which I can respect.

Doesn't mean Im giving up, but if you love someone set them free. Best way I can get her back is to make her fall in love with me again and I won't do that as a snivelling mess.

Sorry to hear this its never a nice thing to happen. I was with my missus 18 years and got a son together and five step children.Just grew apart and I left and never returned.Been split up years now and when we meet up on rare occasions its like talking with a stranger.Still got good relationships with the children though as they're adults now and to be honest don't miss her at all. All I can say is I did go back for a couple of months after we first split,but it never worked out. She wanted the younger me I reckon as it was sarcy comments like my hair is going grey,and why don't you go to the gym ! So fuck having to listen to that crap I walked and never went back.

Otis · Feb 7, 2017

shmmeee said:
You know when I went to post this I thought "what kind of saddo are you asking Internet strangers for help". But you lot are the best internet strangers.

Thanks again for all the advice. About to go pick the eldest up from school, take her over there and break the news. Wish me luck.

Good luck, Shmmeee.

Mary_Mungo_Midge · Feb 7, 2017

shmmeee said:
You know when I went to post this I thought "what kind of saddo are you asking Internet strangers for help". But you lot are the best internet strangers.

Thanks again for all the advice. About to go pick the eldest up from school, take her over there and break the news. Wish me luck.

Been there, old lad - best of luck with that one. In some respect, 'strangers' are the very best source of advice, as their wisdom isn't coloured by knowing you too well. You sound like you have a grand relationship with the kids, and I'd just stick with that for now. Their love is normally unconditional, and for every moment you invest with them, you'll get twice the return. Slowly, but surely, your life will normalise itself again; maybe in a different form, maybe not - but just deal with it slowly and don't expect miracles.

My second wife was a money-grabbing evil ######. Learn that lesson and don't try and find emotional solace in another too quickly; you won't be ready - believe me. Much man-love and all the best

olderskyblue · Feb 7, 2017

bringbackrattles said:
Sorry to hear this its never a nice thing to happen. I was with my missus 18 years and got a son together and five step children.Just grew apart and I left and never returned.Been split up years now and when we meet up on rare occasions its like talking with a stranger.Still got good relationships with the children though as they're adults now and to be honest don't miss her at all. All I can say is I did go back for a couple of months after we first split,but it never worked out. She wanted the younger me I reckon as it was sarcy comments like my hair is going grey,and why don't you go to the gym ! So fuck having to listen to that crap I walked and never went back.

Does going to the gym get rid of grey hair??

Malaka · Feb 7, 2017

I was broken hearted when my wife wanted to divorce me. What was important to me was my pride and my dignity. I never asked her to reconsider as I wanted someone to be with me because they wanted to be, not because they felt sorry for me or had a sense of loyalty. As much as it hurt, I did find someone else who loves me and in the end I am happier than I have ever been.
I am still friends with my ex and she is happy because if you love someone, I think that their happiness is more important than your own. She is in a relationship and doing really well and I am genuinely pleased for her. Would I have her back? Never in a million years but it took a long time to get to that point.
The difficult thing I found was starting again as all my friends were in relationships and so it was difficult to go out and meet people. There are loads of opportunities now, dating sites, salsa classes speed dating, they all look like fun to me. What did mess me up was holidays to Thailand, women everywhere, great for sex but really not for a relationship short or long term.
Good luck

Nick · Feb 7, 2017

Sky Blues Talk Salsa?

Could just turn the sisu /ccc stuff into a dance off.

chiefdave · Feb 7, 2017

Reckon all of us in this thread will start getting the muslim singles advert everytime we login!

Or has Nick pulled a Trump and banned it from ever appearing again?

duffer · Feb 7, 2017

chiefdave said:
Reckon all of us in this thread will start getting the muslim singles advert everytime we login!

Or has Nick pulled a Trump and banned it from ever appearing again?

I'm getting 'Collaborate Beautifully', but sadly it's something about computing cloud services. How can they tell how sad my life is, that's what I want to know?!

richnrg · Feb 7, 2017

Malaka said:
.. What did mess me up was holidays to Thailand, women everywhere, great for sex but really not for a relationship short or long term.

are you sure they were women?

skyblueinBaku · Feb 7, 2017

Been through it twice, Schmmeee. Be prepared for a bloody rough ride, but don't ever forget that you will eventually come through it. Make sure you get a good lawyer; it may be amicable now, but things like this have a nasty habit of turning sour. Keep your chin up.

Nick · Feb 7, 2017

chiefdave said:
Reckon all of us in this thread will start getting the muslim singles advert everytime we login!

Or has Nick pulled a Trump and banned it from ever appearing again?

It will be Thai now Malaka has put the word in there

clint van damme · Feb 7, 2017

Malaka said:
I was broken hearted when my wife wanted to divorce me. What was important to me was my pride and my dignity. I never asked her to reconsider as I wanted someone to be with me because they wanted to be, not because they felt sorry for me or had a sense of loyalty. As much as it hurt, I did find someone else who loves me and in the end I am happier than I have ever been.
I am still friends with my ex and she is happy because if you love someone, I think that their happiness is more important than your own. She is in a relationship and doing really well and I am genuinely pleased for her. Would I have her back? Never in a million years but it took a long time to get to that point.
The difficult thing I found was starting again as all my friends were in relationships and so it was difficult to go out and meet people. There are loads of opportunities now, dating sites, salsa classes speed dating, they all look like fun to me. What did mess me up was holidays to Thailand, women everywhere, great for sex but really not for a relationship short or long term.
Good luck

what did she cite on the divorce papers? Spreading ill founded rumours of imminent take overs:emoji_grin:

bringbackrattles · Feb 7, 2017

olderskyblue said:
Does going to the gym get rid of grey hair??

When I saw how much the membership was that gave me even more grey hairs ! She once got me a bottle of Grecian and said try that,but I wasn't bothered about a few grey hairs. She was a redhead,no hair just a red head !

Malaka · Feb 7, 2017

richnrg said:
are you sure they were women?

Most of the time

Gazolba · Feb 7, 2017

shmmeee said:
Missus has just told me she wants a divorce. Been together 13 years, married for 4.5.

Anyone who has been through it?

Got any advice?

Get a good lawyer.
It's much more complex if you have kids, or if you had significant assets of your own before marriage.
If you can agree on everything, it could go smoothly. But the problem with that is her family and friends will start getting involved and giving her advice.

robbieray · Feb 7, 2017

Otis said:
I've already said I am here for him.

Yes you have murdered a few jokes in your time

robbieray · Feb 7, 2017

I could divorce my wife, she's that ugly she would give a scarecrow an heart attack.

Sky_Blue_Daz · Feb 7, 2017

Shmmeee really sorry to hear your news

Can't offer any other advice that hasn't been suggested

I will also echo the comments about " internet strangers on here" I've asked for all sorts of advice on here over the years and always got great advice

Good bunch of fellas on here

bringbackrattles · Feb 8, 2017

Just back from Wheatsheaf bit pissed glad I'm not with ex missus the pub is rocking !

torchomatic · Feb 8, 2017

shmmeee said:
You know when I went to post this I thought "what kind of saddo are you asking Internet strangers for help". But you lot are the best internet strangers.

Thanks again for all the advice. About to go pick the eldest up from school, take her over there and break the news. Wish me luck.

I felt the same sharing my news. Though we might argue we are there to support each other when the chips are down.

Hope things work out well for you and your little ones.

Otis · Feb 8, 2017

torchomatic said:
I felt the same sharing my news. Though we might argue we are there to support each other when the chips are down.

Hope things work out well for you and your little ones.

Hello you feeling, Torch? Manage to watch the game on TV?

Divorce (6 Viewers)

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