For The Girlie's, OR Men with a GSOH. (1 Viewer)

[Bunnykins]

For all those men who say, Why buy a cow when you can get milk for free.


Here's an update for you: Nowadays, 80% of women are against marriage, WHY?

Because women realize it's not worth buying an entire pig just to get a little sausage.

Men are like....

1. Men are like Laxatives ... They irritate the crap out of you.
2 Men are like. Bananas ... The older they get, the less firm they are.
3. Men are like Weather . Nothing can be done to change them.
4. Men are like Blenders You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
5. Men are like Chocolate Bars .. Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
6. Men are like Commercials . You can't believe a word they say.
7. Men are like Department Stores ... Their clothes are always 1/2 off!
8. Men are like . Government Bonds .... They take soooooooo long to mature.
9. Men are like . Mascara . They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
10. Men are like Popcorn . They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
11. Men are like Snowstorms . You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
12. Men are like Lava Lamps . Fun to look at, but not very bright.
13. Men are like Parking Spots All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.

Now send this to all the remarkable women you know, as well as to any understanding good-natured, you might be lucky enough to know !!!!!!!!!!

ARE THERE ANY GUY'S AROUND

Jue x x x x

 

---

[ccfcadz]

TWO CAN PLAY AT THIS GAME

Women are like guns, keep one around long enough and your going to want to shoot it.

Why do women have smaller feet than men ? So they can stand closer to the sink

How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart? When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me...."

How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't...there's a clock on the oven!

If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, who do you let in first? The Dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in!

One golfer tells another: "Hey, guess what! I got a set of golf clubs for my wife!" The other replies: "GREAT trade!"

What are two reasons why women don't mind their own business?

1) No mind.
2) No business.

My wife asked, "What's on the TV?" and I said, "Dust!"

 

[ccfc1987]

I'm Glad I'm A Man

I'm glad I'm a man, you better believe.
I don't live off of yogurt, diet coke, or cottage cheese
I don't bitch to my girlfriends about the size of my breasts
I can get where I want to - north, south, east or west
I don't get wasted after only 2 beers
and when I do drink I don't end up in tears.
I won't spend hours deciding what to wear,
I spend 5 minutes max fixing my hair
and I don't go around checking my reflection
in everything shiny from every direction.
I don't whine in public and make us leave early
then when you ask "why", get all bitter and surly.

I'm glad I'm a man, I'm so glad I could sing
I don't have to sit around waiting for that ring.
I don't gossip about friends or stab them in the back
I don't carry our differences into the sack.
I'll never go psycho and threaten to kill you
or think every guy out there's trying to steal you.
I'm rational, reasonable, and logical too
I know what the time is and I know what to do.

And I honestly think its a privilege for me
to have these two balls and stand when I pee
I live to watch sports and play all sorts of ball
It's more fun than dealing with women after all
I won't cry if you figure out it's not going to work
I won't remain bitter and call you a jerk.
Feel free to use me for immediate pleasure
I won't assume it's permanent by any measure.

Yes, I'm glad I'm a man, a man you see
I'm glad I'm not capable of child delivery
I don't get all bitchy every 28 days
I'm glad that my gender gets me a much bigger raise
I'm a man by chance and I'm thankful it's true
I'm so glad I'm a man and not a woman like you!

 

[Bunnykins]

Do you know that poem is Really Good. Very Touching. I loved it.

 

[skyblueprincess]

True facts about men!
[SIZE=-1]1. If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming too high.
[SIZE=-1]2. Woman don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
[SIZE=-1]3. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason:you're sick of him.
[SIZE=-1]4. Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.
[SIZE=-1]5. A woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.
[SIZE=-1]6. If you want a nice man go for a bald one -- they try harder.
[SIZE=-1]7. Go for younger men. You might as well -- they never mature anyway.
[SIZE=-1]8. A man who can dress himself without looking like Wurzel Gummidge is unquestionably gay.
[SIZE=-1]9. Men are all the same -- they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
[SIZE=-1]10. Definition of a man with manners -- he gets out of the bath to pee.
[SIZE=-1]11. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is
[SIZE=-1]married 12. Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men -- a woman.
[SIZE=-1]13. There are a lot of words you can use to describe men -strong, caring, loving -- they'd be wrong but you could still use them.
[SIZE=-1]14. Men are like animals -- messy, insensitive and potentially violent -- but they make great pets.
[SIZE=-1]15. Men's brains are like the prison system -- not enough cells per man.
[SIZE=-1]16. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop"..
[SIZE=-1]17. Husbands are like children -- they're fine if they're someone else's.

 

[skyblueprincess]

Why being a woman ROCKS
We can get rid of leg hair without pretending that we do a lot of cycling/swimming or any other sport that would require aerodynamic legs.
We absently hum tunes from musicals without anyone being suspect of our sexuality.
When we buy a vibrator it is glamorous. When men buy a blow up doll it's pathetic.
Should we wake up looking like something the cat dragged in, we can fix it with cosmetics.
We can have partners that are years younger than us without being called dirty old perverts.
We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
Systems support men always return our calls, and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
We know that Tetris is the computer game to end all games.
We got off the Titanic first.
Our boyfriend's clothes make us look elfin and gorgeous. They look like complete dorks in our clothes.
We have total control over our eyebrows.
We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
It's cool to be a daddy's girl. It's sad to be a mommy's boy.
We can cry to get out of speeding fines.
The thrill of surprising people by being good at darts... and pool... and football.
We live longer, so we can be cantankerous old biddies wearing inappropriate clothes and shouting at strangers... men die earlier so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
We know that games are fun, but don't believe there's a direct correlation between the size of our scores and the size of our... womanhood.
Taxis stop for us.
We get drunk quicker and cheaper.
We have no desire to arrange our possessions in alphabetical order. Ever.
We've never fancied a cartoon character or the central figure in a computer game.
It does not enhance our social standing to understand the inner workings of a 'ruck' (or any other football thing). But we look incredibly cool if we do.
We never recognize ourselves in aspects of Mr. Bean. Ever.
We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing

 

[ccfc1987]

WOMEN ARE LIKE...

the stock market
They're irrational and can bankrupt you if you're not careful.
...computers
They take too long to warm up and a better model always comes along once you've already got one.
...Saran Wrap
Useful but clingy.
...horses
Fun to pet and ride but a pain to feed and clean up after.
...parking meters
If you don't feed them with enough money you face serious consequences.
...fax machines
Useful for one very specific purpose but otherwise just high-maintenance paperweights.
...political campaign contributors
If you let them talk about themselves long enough you wind up in bed with them.
...refrigerators
They're always cold and never seem to have a beer when you need one.
...blue jeans
They look good for a while but eventually they fade and have to be replaced.
...country western songs
They're annoying, they all sound alike, but if you really listen to them you'll get depressed and drink a lot.

 

[suzoooooo]

you know what have any of you ever noticed how all womens problems start with men

MENTAL ILLNESS
MENSTRAL CRAMPS
MENTAL BREAKDOWN
MENOPAUSE
GUYNECOLOGIST
AND
HISTERECTOMY
its true though what woman on here can honestly say that somewhere in every problem is a man

 

[pagey89]

why cant we all live in perfect harmony?????????????