...apart from all the stuff that is lifted from here & passed off as exclusives in the local rags.....
5 things we learned about Otis' wife: An exclusive report by Canley Gilbert.
1. She's f**king mental
2. There's absolutely no logic to her f**king mental-ness
3. Her f**king mental-ness knows no bounds
4. Everyday she surpasses her previous f**king mental state.
5. Did I mention she's f**king mental?
My daughter has only just started air cadets, 3rd week coming up. Missus has never been up there yet, but she has told me that she no longer wants our girl to go because 'there will be too many lesbians there.'
Without even talking to our daughter about it, she has rang her mum and her sister in Russia to tell them our daughter has actually quit air cadets. She has now told me that for the next 5 years or whatever it is I cannot mention air cadets and our daughter can never be seen in any kind of uniform while my missus is on Skype and I mustn't ever share any photos with her family of her online, doing any sort of parade or Remembrance Day service, or camp, or awards ceremony etc.
He family are coming over here next summer for 3 weeks. How I am going to explain where we are going when I take our daughter IN uniform to air cadets (cos that's what we have been instructed to do) twice a week for the 3 weeks?
The logic is astounding. The way she thinks is staggering.
She also said 'I don't want her standing on the parade ground in the pouring rain like she did last week.'
'What are you talking about?' says I. 'It wasn't even raining last week when she went!'
'I know' she says.
WTAF!
Just dropped her off for work now and I said our daughter is going to the funfair on Saturday and that she will have to drop her off as I am going to the game.
'What? She shouldn't go. Why is she going to go in this cold and rain?'
' You're right,' I replied, ' because it is now 4.45am on THURSDAY and it's a little drizzly, that means that on SATURDAY afternoon at 2pm it will obviously also be raining!! Oh and by the way, it is not even cold and has been mild all week!!!' (she never ever checks the weather forecast, so will have absolutely no idea whatsoever about Saturday's outlook.)
Did I mention she's f**king mental?