God yes, I hate all of that stuff. The only thing I'd have is the automatic braking that kicks in if you're about to ram someone, and cruise control for keeping your speed down through the roadworks. That's it.
I can't bear the automatic handbrake on our Citroen, it either stays on when you don't need it, or goes off when you don't expect it. It's already cost me a few bob in an embarrassing roll down the drive and into the house, when I wasn't even in the car! Reversing downhill is stupidly dangerous.
Ratchety, clicky things for me please. Proper knobs and dials and none of your touchscreen rubbish, thank you. Harumph.
And if I'm moving into your lane with my old banger, honk!