Life's guilty pleasures (2 Viewers)

[Otis]

Xhamster :beaver:

I'm sorry to hear that. What was its name?

 

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[skybluetony176]

Abba

 

[Deleted member 5849]

Abba

 

[Terry Gibson's perm]

Sitting watching Ben and Holly's little kingdom when the kids have wandered off, nanny plum is fantastic

 

[Otis]

Xhamster :beaver:

I'm sorry to hear that. What was its name?

Abba

Strange name for a hamster.

 

[Otis]

Is that because of the song Gnawing me, Gnawing you?

 

[skybluedan]

Xhamster :beaver:

Yeah my guilty pleasure is porn and masturbating but got to say it has just got me in a shit loads of trouble with the Mrs.
She was out with the boy at his footy and I had come home from work early so got in my bath put loads of bubbles in there and put the telly on after about 20 minutes decided I would get some porn on (I mean it could of been the bubbles or the phat blunt I had just smoked) I was frolicking ffs, my theory quickly knock one of in some tissue down the bog jobs a good un, well so I thought anyway, just as I'm about to chuck me muck I hear her coming up the stairs so flapped it and sat down and let it loose in the bath ( my bath not there's)
So she opens the door and there is no way she can see me rock on or anything floating about but then she says....
Can he jump in as he's really muddy and don't want to be late for dinner well ffs only me, I said no I'm n the bath go run him one himself and she said I mean after you, well could not let him get in me spunky bath so basically had to tell her I've wanked in there Well fuck me I'm utter scum , evil, broken. All the names

 

[Johnnythespider]

Yeah my guilty pleasure is porn and masturbating but got to say it has just got me in a shit loads of trouble with the Mrs.
She was out with the boy at his footy and I had come home from work early so got in my bath put loads of bubbles in there and put the telly on after about 20 minutes decided I would get some porn on (I mean it could of been the bubbles or the phat blunt I had just smoked) I was frolicking ffs, my theory quickly knock one of in some tissue down the bog jobs a good un, well so I thought anyway, just as I'm about to chuck me muck I hear her coming up the stairs so flapped it and sat down and let it loose in the bath ( my bath not there's)
So she opens the door and there is no way she can see me rock on or anything floating about but then she says....
Can he jump in as he's really muddy and don't want to be late for dinner well ffs only me, I said no I'm n the bath go run him one himself and she said I mean after you, well could not let him get in me spunky bath so basically had to tell her I've wanked in there Well fuck me I'm utter scum , evil, broken. All the names

Is she Catholic, every sperm is sacred

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[oscillatewildly]

Writing on the sole of your slipper with a biro.

 

[Otis]

Writing on the sole of your slipper with a biro.

Why don't you write on your own slipper instead of someone else's?

 

[RegTheDonk]

Yeah my guilty pleasure is porn and masturbating but got to say it has just got me in a shit loads of trouble with the Mrs.
She was out with the boy at his footy and I had come home from work early so got in my bath put loads of bubbles in there and put the telly on after about 20 minutes decided I would get some porn on (I mean it could of been the bubbles or the phat blunt I had just smoked) I was frolicking ffs, my theory quickly knock one of in some tissue down the bog jobs a good un, well so I thought anyway, just as I'm about to chuck me muck I hear her coming up the stairs so flapped it and sat down and let it loose in the bath ( my bath not there's)
So she opens the door and there is no way she can see me rock on or anything floating about but then she says....
Can he jump in as he's really muddy and don't want to be late for dinner well ffs only me, I said no I'm n the bath go run him one himself and she said I mean after you, well could not let him get in me spunky bath so basically had to tell her I've wanked in there Well fuck me I'm utter scum , evil, broken. All the names

Should have kept you gob shut ... hopefully your lad would have too :yuck:

 

[Samo]

A soapy wank

 

[olderskyblue]

Having an attractive neighbour....

 

[Samo]

Having an attractive neighbour....

Having a soapy wank about an attractive neighbour?

 

[covmark]

Saving a dump all day just so I can do it on my own throne.
Nothing like having a shit on your own toilet.

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[Samo]

Saving a dump all day just so I can do it on my own throne.
Nothing like having a shit on your own toilet.

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That really isn't good for you you know :wtf:

 

[covmark]

That really isn't good for you you know :wtf:

Trouble is I'm a truck driver so most of the time I have no choice

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[King of the Lesbians]

Having an attractive neighbour....

Having a soapy wank about an attractive neighbour?

Hang on! Are you neighbours?

 

[dutchman]

Anything with salt on it, especially pork scratchings. I'm not supposed to eat salt but I can't taste anything without it.

 

[Monners]

This reminds me of the tug in the bath story earlier

 

[Samo]

Secretly imagining what a particular women's genitals might look like after having exchanged polite pleasantries in public place. (bus, waiting room, train, etc) :joyful:

 

[Otis]

Trouble is I'm a truck driver so most of the time I have no choice

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Just cut a hole in your seat.

 

[Samo]

Just cut a hole in your seat.

That's a shit idea.

 

[Wyken Sky Blue]

Yeah my guilty pleasure is porn and masturbating but got to say it has just got me in a shit loads of trouble with the Mrs.
She was out with the boy at his footy and I had come home from work early so got in my bath put loads of bubbles in there and put the telly on after about 20 minutes decided I would get some porn on (I mean it could of been the bubbles or the phat blunt I had just smoked) I was frolicking ffs, my theory quickly knock one of in some tissue down the bog jobs a good un, well so I thought anyway, just as I'm about to chuck me muck I hear her coming up the stairs so flapped it and sat down and let it loose in the bath ( my bath not there's)
So she opens the door and there is no way she can see me rock on or anything floating about but then she says....
Can he jump in as he's really muddy and don't want to be late for dinner well ffs only me, I said no I'm n the bath go run him one himself and she said I mean after you, well could not let him get in me spunky bath so basically had to tell her I've wanked in there Well fuck me I'm utter scum , evil, broken. All the names

Brilliant!

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[skybluedan]

Sometimes I try and stop the microwave on one second, pretend I'm a bomb diffuser like

 

[skybluedan]

I used to like shitting outdoors and now I like trying to spit on seagulls

 

[Wyken Sky Blue]

I like dressing up as a seagull, walk on the beach in Skegness and pinch people's chips

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[Otis]

Sometimes I try and stop the microwave on one second, pretend I'm a bomb diffuser like

When we get a phone call on our home phone I answer it on a banana and if we don't have any bananas in the house we let it go to the answer phone.

 

[Wyken Sky Blue]

When we get a phone call on our home phone I answer it on a banana and if we don't have any bananas in the house we let it go to the answer phone.

Ring ring ring ring ring ring... Banana phone!

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[Otis]

Ring ring ring ring ring ring... Banana phone!

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Just something that stemmed from when my daughter was little.

Think she was about 4 and her grandma rang and I pretended to answer the call on the banana. Picked it up and said 'hello, how are you my old fruit?' My daughter laughed and it has kind of stuck since.

 

[Monners]

Just something that stemmed from when my daughter was little.

Think she was about 4 and her grandma rang and I pretended to answer the call on the banana. Picked it up and said 'hello, how are you my old fruit?' My daughter laughed and it has kind of stuck since.

The long winter hours must simply fly by

 

[Otis]

The long winter hours must simply fly by

No, not really, cos her grandma only rings once every 3 months.

 

[Wyken Sky Blue]

Back to guilty pleasures:

I love a bit of ABBA!


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[Otis]

Julie Andrews.

 

[LastGarrison]

Laughing at grown men, dressed in full football kits, crying in the stands at football matches.