Women says the most stupid things (4 Viewers)

stevefloyd

Well-Known Member
I was sitting in a cafe in Ireland, looking out the window I said its raining again, my eldest daughter looked at me and said I heard you but I didn't understand my youngest daughter chipped in saying I understood you but I didn't hear you...
 

Otis

Well-Known Member
Tick one off for the men.

Our carbon monoxide detector kept beeping just now, so I looked on the display of the unit and it had the code 97.

Puzzled as to what that was I went and dug out the instructions. Couldn't see anything for the code 97, so still baffled I looked on the internet. The blooming thing still beeping away.

Was just about to evacuate the family from the house when I found out that the code was in fact 'lb' (low battery) and we had the unit upside down!!

Numpty!!
 

Wyken Sky Blue

Well-Known Member
Tick one off for the men.

Our carbon monoxide detector kept beeping just now, so I looked on the display of the unit and it had the code 97.

Puzzled as to what that was I went and dug out the instructions. Couldn't see anything for the code 97, so still baffled I looked on the internet. The blooming thing still beeping away.

Was just about to evacuate the family from the house when I found out that the code was in fact 'lb' (low battery) and we had the unit upside down!!

Numpty!!
Brilliant!

I'm sure you're not the first and won't be the last, Otis

Sent from my E5823 using Tapatalk
 

Ranjit Bhurpa

Well-Known Member
So Friday night, Mrs Bhurpa comes home from her girly night saying the car headlights aren't working and apparently she nearly knocked someone off their bicycle on one of the back lanes home. Having established she really means the high beam and me grumbling that the car has been recently serviced and MOT'd and it will be yet more expense.
I got in the car to investigate and lo and behold, the high beam is working perfectly. She wonders though why I am using the left hand stalk when she had been using the right hand one for the rear wiper.
Bless, she has only been driving the car for 4 years, cheap fix though I suppose.
 

Alan Dugdales Moustache

Well-Known Member
Today I asked her indoors if she wanted a cup of tea. Her reply was "why, what time is it ?"
 

oakey

Well-Known Member
Schoolboys take some beating, genuine story with names changed ...
My classroom is on the ground floor near a staircase to one upper floor.13 year old boy approaches and asks me have I seen Mr Murray? I say no have you tried the classrooms upstairs? He replies, "Where's that?" Me and his mate stare at him, gobsmacked, and he continues, "I mean, how do I get there?"
 

Otis

Well-Known Member
Best I have ever had (and I think I have told this before) was this bloke I used to work with.

One day for some reason we were talking about the solar system and then on to the Sun and Earth.

We then went on to talk how much bigger the Sun was to planet Earth and this bloke chirped up, 'What are you talking about? The Earth is much bigger than the Sun!'

'What???' 'How do you make that out!?' came the completely gobsmacked replies.

'Well look!' Says the bloke and he pointed at the Sun, forming a circle with his fingers. 'The Earth is much bigger, see!'

And he WAS being serious!

He also thought Albinos came from Albania.
 

Otis

Well-Known Member
My other favourite is of the cleaning lady who used to work for us.

One day I said to her, 'Kath, there's an eclipse of the Sun tomorrow, are you going to watch it?'

'Errm, what time is it happening?'

'2 o'clock!' Says I.

'Oh, 2 o'clock in the morning or in the day?'
 

Speedies_Chips

Well-Known Member
Several years ago I was watching a test match on the TV. My daughter came into the room took one look at the screen and seeing all the players in white kit, immediately said
"How do the audience know which team is which?"

Even saying "audience" is wrong!
 
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Deleted member 5849

Guest
Looking into a pen of guinea pigs and rabbits.

"That guinea pig looks just like a rabbit."

It was a rabbit.
 
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Deleted member 5849

Guest
And yesterday.

"Amazing, the photo of that painting makes it look just like the one in your house, what a coincidence."

It was the one in my house.
 

sw88

Chief Commentator!
Several years ago I was watching a test match on the TV. My daughter came into the room took one look at the screen and seeing all the players in white kit, immediately said
"How do the audience know which team is which?"

Even saying "audience" is wrong!

To be fair, it's cricket, and I often wonder the same too. Never got that sport :D
 

Malaka

Well-Known Member
When watching a movie or a drama, my Mrs often says "What happens next"? FFS, how would I know?
 

chiefdave

Well-Known Member
When watching a movie or a drama, my Mrs often says "What happens next"? FFS, how would I know?
That's not as bad as when they realise they've seen something before that you haven't and tell you what's going to happen.

My ex-wife didn't like a lot of the shows I watch but had a habit of waiting until they'd be on for about 5 seasons to ask what was going on.
 

Otis

Well-Known Member
When watching a movie or a drama, my Mrs often says "What happens next"? FFS, how would I know?
My missus does that all the time. A brand new, never seen before programme and she will ask what is going to happen next!

The power to predict the future is not something to be sniffed at though and would be a lovely string to my bow.
 

Ian1779

Well-Known Member
My missus does that all the time. A brand new, never seen before programme and she will ask what is going to happen next!

The power to predict the future is not something to be sniffed at though and would be a lovely string to my bow.

Or the line - what did they say? when a) they were still mid sentence when she began the question and b) you didn't hear what they said because she was talking
 

skybluedan

Well-Known Member
Just tried to Jedi mind trick my Mrs , it's her birthday on Wednesday and we were just chatting away and I said oh nice bit of anal on Wednesday then birthday and all that ? And she said It's not your fuckin birthday !!!!!!!!
Think my powers are fading .....
 

Otis

Well-Known Member
When watching a movie or a drama, my Mrs often says "What happens next"? FFS, how would I know?
They are a strange breed at times.

I was just about to start watching the film Se7en last night and she walks in and watches it for about 2 mins and then asks what the story is about.

I tell her it is about a serial killer enacting out the seven deadly sins in murder form and she immediately asks 'do they catch him in the end?'

'I'm not going to tell you ' says I. 'Okay then' she replies, I am not going to watch it then.' And off she toddled.

She wants to know the ending to everything. What's the point of that? I can understand asking if it is a downbeat ending or an upbeat one, because you may want to be cheered or thought provoked based on your mindset at the time, but to want to know the ending for a film that has only just began?

She always wants to know the ending and of course with films with a twist finale that spoils everything if you know what happens in advance.
 

Otis

Well-Known Member
Missus has just come up to me with her laptop open on the eBay site. There is a picture of the One Show's Alex Jones wearing a Christmas jumper and the seller has used that for the product picture description. Obviously it is the same jumper, the jumper that my missus is wanting to buy.

So, she comes up, shows me the picture of Alex Jones in the jumper and asks 'Is she allowed to have an eBay account?'

The seller is someone called mel12356.

For some reason the fact that it is a picture of Alex Jones wearing the same jumper as the one seller is selling tells my missus Alex Jones is selling her jumper on eBay.

Really worry how her mind works sometimes.
 
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Deleted member 5849

Guest
I processed that entire post thinking it was about Snowman singer and Songs of Praise presenter Aled Jones.
 
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Deleted member 5849

Guest
Speaking of which, Mrs Wisdom was looking forward to seeing the Snowman re-make. Had it not had such terrible reviews, I'd have gladly taken her along and chuckled merrily...
 

Speedies_Chips

Well-Known Member
My best one is that about 15 years ago I was watching England v Oz test match on TV. My daughter came into the room and saw that all the players were in whites and asks me and I quote " How do the audience know which team is which"
 

Otis

Well-Known Member
My best one is that about 15 years ago I was watching England v Oz test match on TV. My daughter came into the room and saw that all the players were in whites and asks me and I quote " How do the audience know which team is which"
That's easy, the winning team would be the Aussies.
 

kdrinkell

Well-Known Member
I was watching an old DVD of city and they were against the Hammers….the missus said Frank Lampard is looking a bit rough (it was his dad)
 

mrtrench

Well-Known Member
This post not specific to any gender.

As a family, we were playing Articulate last night. It's a game where you have to describe a word on a card and your partner has to guess the word. We had some pretty inaccurate descriptions such as 'It's a place in Italy where they go boating". Lake Genoa says I, confidently. When I find it's wrong I just as confidently replied Venice.

Nope, turns out it was Vienna.

But my favourite was another team's efforts. "It's a vegetable and we grow it in the garden". The correct answer (raspberry) was given immediately.
 

Otis

Well-Known Member
This post not specific to any gender.

As a family, we were playing Articulate last night. It's a game where you have to describe a word on a card and your partner has to guess the word. We had some pretty inaccurate descriptions such as 'It's a place in Italy where they go boating". Lake Genoa says I, confidently. When I find it's wrong I just as confidently replied Venice.

Nope, turns out it was Vienna.

But my favourite was another team's efforts. "It's a vegetable and we grow it in the garden". The correct answer (raspberry) was given immediately.

I remember doing some charity quiz type thing where you wandered round town in teams answering clues.

A section of the questions were based around West Orchards and most were easy guess the shop/outlet type questions, i.e. 'I'm sweet on you,' and the answer for that was Thorntons, that sort of thing. 'We are not at the bottom.' Top Shop!

Anyway, one question was 'we care for the carers' and Mothercare used to have a unit there at the time, so the obvious answer was 'Mothercare!' But no, we had some daft girl on our team.

'We care for the carers' the question asked and she piped up with 'BT!' Which doesn't work on any level! We had more of that too, but can't remember the daft answers.

As you might have guessed, our team lost.
 

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