I can only imagine a Daily Mail story like this in children's storybook style.
'Dainty, sweet little Theresa of whitest teeth and purest heart , was playing softly in the meadow, when suddenly the hideous, ugly Corbyn appeared, breathing fire and dribbling snot.
Pretty little, slim and innocent angel, Theresa yelped and tried to run, but the disgusting old and decrepit, fat Corbyn chased her down.
Honest, pure and cherub-like Theresa said in her sweetest and most beautiful voice 'Go away ugly monster. You are not welcome here'.
The disgusting and smelly, crooked-toothed Corbyn grunted and stomped away.'
The end.