Bad joke corner (4 Viewers)
- Thread starter redsox
- Start date
Coventry La La La
New Member
Avram Grant will miss today's game at Stoke because he is observing Yom Kippur
I've heard he is a good player
I've heard he is a good player
Coventry La La La
New Member
Why don't American troops simply switch sides and fight alongside the Taliban? With their friendly fire tactics, the war would be over in days.
redsox
Facebook User
Ha ha, but they're only good at doing what they're not supposed to do! The Americans: the best equipped yet the least equipped all at the same time!!
My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel.
If I like white sugar and I like brown sugar, does that make me ambidextrose ?
I'll get my coat !
Coventry La La La
New Member
Dear maths grow up and solve your own problems
The Lone Ranger's
Last Request
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party..
The Indian Chief proclaims,
"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" ...
"In honour of the Harvest Festival,
YOU will be executed in three days."
"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"
"What is your FIRST request???'
The Lone Ranger responds,
"I'd like to speak to my horse."
The Chief nods and Silver is brought
Before the Lone Ranger who whispers in
Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with
a beautiful blonde woman on his back.
As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits
he's impressed.
"You have a very fine and loyal horse",
"But I will still kill you in two days."
"What is your SECOND request???"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak
To his horse.
Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.
As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.
She enters the Lone Ranger's tent
And spends the night.
The following morning the Indian Chief
Is again impressed.
"You are indeed a man of many talents,"
"But I will still kill you tomorrow."
"What is your LAST request ???"
The Lone Ranger responds,
"I'd like to speak to my horse, .... Alone."
The Chief is curious, but he agrees,
And Silver is brought to
The Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,
"READ MY LIPS!!!!"
FOR... THE... LAST... TIME...
"BRING POSSE"
Last Request
The Lone Ranger was ambushed and captured by an enemy Indian War Party..
The Indian Chief proclaims,
"So, YOU are the great Lone Ranger" ...
"In honour of the Harvest Festival,
YOU will be executed in three days."
"Before I kill you, I grant you three requests"
"What is your FIRST request???'
The Lone Ranger responds,
"I'd like to speak to my horse."
The Chief nods and Silver is brought
Before the Lone Ranger who whispers in
Silver's ear, and the horse gallops away.
Later that evening, Silver returns with
a beautiful blonde woman on his back.
As the Indian Chief watches, the blonde enters the Lone Ranger's tent and spends the night.
The next morning the Indian Chief admits
he's impressed.
"You have a very fine and loyal horse",
"But I will still kill you in two days."
"What is your SECOND request???"
The Lone Ranger again asks to speak
To his horse.
Silver is brought to him, and he again whispers in the horse's ear.
As before, Silver takes off and disappears over the horizon.
Later that evening, to the Chief's surprise, Silver again returns, this time with a voluptuous brunette, more attractive than the blonde.
She enters the Lone Ranger's tent
And spends the night.
The following morning the Indian Chief
Is again impressed.
"You are indeed a man of many talents,"
"But I will still kill you tomorrow."
"What is your LAST request ???"
The Lone Ranger responds,
"I'd like to speak to my horse, .... Alone."
The Chief is curious, but he agrees,
And Silver is brought to
The Lone Ranger's tent.
Once they're alone, the Lone Ranger grabs Silver by both ears, looks him square in the eye and says,
"READ MY LIPS!!!!"
FOR... THE... LAST... TIME...
"BRING POSSE"
Coventry La La La
New Member
skybluedan
Well-Known Member
What do the chilean miners and george michael have in common?
They both expect there holes to be made bigger in the coming weeks?
They both expect there holes to be made bigger in the coming weeks?
Coventry La La La
New Member
Today I decided to live for ever.
So far, so good.
So far, so good.
redsox
Facebook User
I came home from work the other night and the wife offered to slip into something that I might like......so I asked if a coma was possible!
redsox
Facebook User
redsox
Facebook User
A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.
"I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakingly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."
The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the Macaroni and chesse with broccoli."
Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner things the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back.
As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey! I didn't know that Mary worked here!"
:laugh::laugh::laugh:
"I'm sorry sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer, I'll smell it and order from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath. "Ah, yes that's what I'll have, meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner says to himself as he walks towards the kitchen. The cook happens to be the owner's wife and he tells her what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later the blind man returns and the owner mistakingly brings him a menu again. "Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."
The owner again retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind man says, "That smells great, I'll take the Macaroni and chesse with broccoli."
Once again walking away in disbelief, the owner things the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him. The blind man eats and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner see's him coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife, "Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands her husband the fork back.
As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. "Good afternoon sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff and says, "Hey! I didn't know that Mary worked here!"
:laugh::laugh::laugh:
Coventry La La La
New Member
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Then I got ran over.
Then I got ran over.
Coventry La La La
New Member
Two cows in a field. One turns to the other and says " mooo"
Second cow turns and says to the first cow " you bastard I was going to say that"!!
Second cow turns and says to the first cow " you bastard I was going to say that"!!
Coventry La La La
New Member
Recreate your favourite scenes of Harry Potter wearing his invisible cloak, simply by walking around a busy high street with a charity collection tin.
Oh dear........ Coventry La La La..... The thief of bad gags :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:
Coventry La La La
New Member
Its called "Bad Jokes Corner" so im sharing some bad jokes :laugh:
All this stuff about the anniversary of the end of the war reminds me of my Grandads great tales of war heroism.....
His favourite way of boring me was telling me how he was the first off the boats at the Normandy landings
That's true said my dad
but he got off at Southampton :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:
His favourite way of boring me was telling me how he was the first off the boats at the Normandy landings
That's true said my dad
but he got off at Southampton :laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:
40 Gypsies arrive at the Pearly Gates in their Transit vans and caravans.
St Peter goes into the gatehouse and phones up God, saying. 'I've got 40
travellers here. Can I let them in?'
God says 'We are over quota on Gypsies . Go out and tell them to choose
between them which are the 12 most worthy, and I will let just the dozen
in.'
Less than a minute later St Peter is on the phone to God again. 'They've
gone', he tells God.
'What?' says God, 'All 40 of them?'
'No, the Pearly gates'.
St Peter goes into the gatehouse and phones up God, saying. 'I've got 40
travellers here. Can I let them in?'
God says 'We are over quota on Gypsies . Go out and tell them to choose
between them which are the 12 most worthy, and I will let just the dozen
in.'
Less than a minute later St Peter is on the phone to God again. 'They've
gone', he tells God.
'What?' says God, 'All 40 of them?'
'No, the Pearly gates'.
redsox
Facebook User
A man in his 90's, for a Special Birthday Gift from his Grandsons, is sent a Stripper to his home to entertain him. After she rings the bell of his home, she informs him that his grandsons sent her as a special birthday gift, to provide her services. The grandfather asks her, " What do you do?" She said ,"I can provide you "Sup-er Sex". “He says, “Look, I'm 98 years old, I'll take the Soup!"
:laugh::laugh::laugh:
:laugh::laugh::laugh:
redsox
Facebook User
[FONT=Verdana, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif]Two cartons of yogurt walk into a bar. The bartender, who was a tub of cottage cheese, says to them, "We don't serve your kind in here." One of the yogurt cartons says back to him, "Why not? We're cultured individuals."an goes to a fancy dress party dressed only in his Y-fronts. A woman comes up to him and says 'What are you supposed to be?' The man says 'A premature ejaculation ''What?' says the woman. The man says 'I've just come in my pants'
redsox
Facebook User
A woman woke up and told her husband of about her last night's dream. "I was at an auction for dicks. The big ones sold for $1,000 and the tiny ones for $10."
The husband says, "What about one my size?"
His wife responds, "Didn't get a bid," and then laughs to herself.
The husband wants revenge, so the next morning he tells his wife about his dream last night. "I was at an auction for vaginas. The really tight one's sold for $1,000 and the loose ones for $10."
His wife says, "What about ones like mine?"
The husband smiles and says, "That's where they held the auction."
:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:
The husband says, "What about one my size?"
His wife responds, "Didn't get a bid," and then laughs to herself.
The husband wants revenge, so the next morning he tells his wife about his dream last night. "I was at an auction for vaginas. The really tight one's sold for $1,000 and the loose ones for $10."
His wife says, "What about ones like mine?"
The husband smiles and says, "That's where they held the auction."
:laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh::laugh:
Coventry La La La
New Member
The worst thing about staying in a motel?
You're in America.
You're in America.
Coventry La La La
New Member
I really admire people who keep going even though they are in huge amounts of debt.
They deserve a lot of credit.
They deserve a lot of credit.