Divorce Mediation (10 Viewers)
- Thread starter shmmeee
- Start date
Otis
Well-Known Member
Haven't got that far yet, Shmmeee. At the moment we are going down the Amicable route.
If that doesn't work, I will be looking at F*ckU.com
stay_up_skyblues
Well-Known Member
I tried it with my ex girlfriend when she stopped my daughter seeing me when I met my now wife. This was 7/8 years ago. We both had an individual meeting with the mediator to get our points across and then should have embarked on a number of joint meetings to agree an action plan.
We actually lasted about 20 minutes in the first meeting before the ex walked out in a flood of crocodile tears. The mediator tried her hardest but my ex just kept on about irrelevant things about me/us rather than the daughter.
The mediator said I should just take her to court as you don’t get anywhere with these types
Ultimately their aim is to agree something to suit all parties but with the kids best interest central. In practice that usually means regular access for Dad provided there’s no drugs/alcoholism/violence etc. involved.
If your ex isn't totally unreasonable it’s definitely worthwhile and in any case you have to do it before you can go through court process. Otherwise the courts will just send you back to mediation.
Anything agreed in mediation isn’t legally binding but very persuasive to the courts. They will write to you both at the end in report format outlining what was agreed (if anything) or whether they recommend it proceeds to court if nothing was agreed.
My experience didn’t involve divorce, purely child custody/access.
We actually lasted about 20 minutes in the first meeting before the ex walked out in a flood of crocodile tears. The mediator tried her hardest but my ex just kept on about irrelevant things about me/us rather than the daughter.
The mediator said I should just take her to court as you don’t get anywhere with these types
Ultimately their aim is to agree something to suit all parties but with the kids best interest central. In practice that usually means regular access for Dad provided there’s no drugs/alcoholism/violence etc. involved.
If your ex isn't totally unreasonable it’s definitely worthwhile and in any case you have to do it before you can go through court process. Otherwise the courts will just send you back to mediation.
Anything agreed in mediation isn’t legally binding but very persuasive to the courts. They will write to you both at the end in report format outlining what was agreed (if anything) or whether they recommend it proceeds to court if nothing was agreed.
My experience didn’t involve divorce, purely child custody/access.
stay_up_skyblues
Well-Known Member
PS, after mediation I sat down with a solicitor on a fixed fee basis and they wrote to her with a final warning type wording. That did the trick and it’s all forgotten now.
I don’t envy anyone going through access issues with their children, it’s dreadful and consumes you. But generally it does sort itself out given a bit of time.
I don’t envy anyone going through access issues with their children, it’s dreadful and consumes you. But generally it does sort itself out given a bit of time.
shmmeee
Well-Known Member
I tried it with my ex girlfriend when she stopped my daughter seeing me when I met my now wife. This was 7/8 years ago. We both had an individual meeting with the mediator to get our points across and then should have embarked on a number of joint meetings to agree an action plan.
We actually lasted about 20 minutes in the first meeting before the ex walked out in a flood of crocodile tears. The mediator tried her hardest but my ex just kept on about irrelevant things about me/us rather than the daughter.
The mediator said I should just take her to court as you don’t get anywhere with these types
Ultimately their aim is to agree something to suit all parties but with the kids best interest central. In practice that usually means regular access for Dad provided there’s no drugs/alcoholism/violence etc. involved.
If your ex isn't totally unreasonable it’s definitely worthwhile and in any case you have to do it before you can go through court process. Otherwise the courts will just send you back to mediation.
Anything agreed in mediation isn’t legally binding but very persuasive to the courts. They will write to you both at the end in report format outlining what was agreed (if anything) or whether they recommend it proceeds to court if nothing was agreed.
My experience didn’t involve divorce, purely child custody/access.
Im not holding out much hope. Since I got a decent paying job she seems set of breaking the 50;50 we’ve had for years so she can claim child support. But as you say it’s a required step on the way to court.
Just don’t get why people are like this with kids FFS.
shmmeee
Well-Known Member
Interesting. Any idea what that cost if you don’t mind sharing? Any time lawyers get involved I get scared of the bills lol
Covkid1968#
Well-Known Member
Nearly always the bloke who is reasonable aswell. The court will insist you have gone through it before you get to court. I’ve been through it… used a lovely lady in Nuneaton if I recall. Twas a good number of years ago so things have changed I guess. Best of luck mate
stay_up_skyblues
Well-Known Member
From memory the sit down with the solicitor and letter was around £150, definitively sub £200. Think the mediation sit down and first meeting was about £70.
If you have to (I’m sure you won’t) you can do all the court stuff yourself. Like most civil things it’s just a case of filling in the relevant form. Unless you/she would argue the kids are not safe or push for 100% custody then there’s really no need for lawyers. I can’t remember the website but I found one that talked you through the process and it looked simple enough.
stay_up_skyblues
Well-Known Member
I think I’ve always paid a bit more than I should to avoid that tbf. Initially my daughter came for at most four nights a month and then when she got comfortable with her now step mum and step brother she’s here for several nights at a time, often ad-hoc too (e.g. her mum text yesterday and asked if I wanted to keep her until Monday night instead of taking her back Sunday given the bank holiday).
I totted up the number of nights she stayed over last 12 months and did the online calculator again and I’m now paying over the odds. But I don’t mind, not worth the hassle even suggesting changing after the fun and games in the past
Houchens Head
Fairly well known member from Malvern
I was a trained mediator with the council, but not for marital issues. It was for neighbourhood disputes, which could get quite hairy at times. Worst case was when a family found out that their next door neighbour's daughter had given her younger brother a 'blow job'. The age of the girl? Just 10 and the brother was 8. Very harrowing case. The neighbours found out through a family member and wanted them moved.
rob9872
Well-Known Member
Cromwell close, Gloucester
chiefdave
Well-Known Member
Sorry to hear that mate, it can be incredibly stressful. Probably not what you want to hear but I ended up with the best part of £100K to pay out. When it was all done I was absolutely broke and she had a nice pile of cash.
The law is ancient and is essentially written in a way that means the man has to pay the woman no matter who, if anyone is to blame. They can even come after future earnings and pension so what happened in my case was a demand for a set amount and then draw a line under it and not come after any future earning. I saw two solicitors and they both advised the same thing. If you fight it you'll spend a fortune in legal fees and essentially it will come down to what sort of mood a judge is in and more often than not they side with the woman.
Houchens Head
Fairly well known member from Malvern
Not quite Rob. It was in Courthouse Green, but that's all I can say for obvious reasons. I'd gone on this case to support a female worker who was the case worker. I think we ended up supporting each other.
Went through mediation shmmeee, was mainly financial as she walked out and left me with the kids (they were 15 and 13 at the time) she was more interested in trying to take me for everything. Wouldn't sit in the same room as me, told the mediator she was scared of me lol. Anyway in mediation she wouldn't back down on anything, wanted half my pension, me to still pay her £1500 so she and her boyfriend could live in rented accommodation that I was paying for. In the end I told her to stuff it and to take me to court, when friends told her how much it would cost her in lawyers she backed down. Hope everything works out for you, as others have said it's usually the dad that comes out worst
SBAndy
Well-Known Member
Usually goes well, yeah.
RegTheDonk
Well-Known Member
Don't know how old your daugher is, or if she's able to express herself properly, but my daughter's experiences of a custody case went down to her son's wishes. He was about 8/9 at the time but could articulate his wishes quite well. Was OK to see his Dad and go out for the day with him, but was upset that his dad started wanting to take him to his home in Bristol every weekend, away from his step siblings and friends. Dad wouln't budge, probably didn't want to keep travelling down every weekend to spend the day, so it went to Family Court in Birmingham.
They pushed for mediation wherever possible, but when that failed, looked to social services to spend time with my grandson. Social Services did a good job, they came out and spent time with my grandson, got to know him and could see he wasn't being coerced or threatened. Ultimately, they recommended in a report that he could decide what he wanted to do, so he wasn't forced to see his dad on his dad's terms.
Yes, I can see you thinking the mom got her way, but that wasn't the case. My daughters solicitor said that whenever possible the courts will insist on the Dad having access unless there is a recognised danger of harm to the kid. At the end of the day, his dad was putting his own needs before the kid's wishes, so the court decided he could chose his own path.
They pushed for mediation wherever possible, but when that failed, looked to social services to spend time with my grandson. Social Services did a good job, they came out and spent time with my grandson, got to know him and could see he wasn't being coerced or threatened. Ultimately, they recommended in a report that he could decide what he wanted to do, so he wasn't forced to see his dad on his dad's terms.
Yes, I can see you thinking the mom got her way, but that wasn't the case. My daughters solicitor said that whenever possible the courts will insist on the Dad having access unless there is a recognised danger of harm to the kid. At the end of the day, his dad was putting his own needs before the kid's wishes, so the court decided he could chose his own path.
shmmeee
Well-Known Member
Good luck mate. I’ve lost about £40k so far between debts I was left with and her taking 75% of the equity of the house through fraud and me being a mental mess at the time. She’s threatening future inheritance and pensions as well. Don’t care about all that aside from the fact it’s the kids inheritance she’s taking and she’ll spend it on herself. Grates though.
Divorce law is an absolute joke.
rob9872
Well-Known Member
How about a two footer?
Otis
Well-Known Member
I will send Warwick Davis round.
SBAndy
Well-Known Member
Through fraud? Care to explain (although feel free not to given this is the public domain).
SBAndy
Well-Known Member
Nick
Administrator
2 footer is a good thought though.
And no, it is absolutely horrible to see caring, good dads who WANT their kids not be able to. It was clearly a lighthearted comment. Good job I didn't suggest a hitman.
shmmeee
Well-Known Member
Fairly simple. We agreed to get three valuations and value the house at the average. She said she’s got them and told me a price. I was a mess and didn’t challenge it. Turned out she gave a price 20% below the valuation so she could have that herself.
Only got myself to blame. Doesn’t stop it pissing me off though.
stupot07
Well-Known Member
Its not your fault, that is fraud plain and simple, your were decepted for financial gain. What a bitch.
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SBAndy
Well-Known Member
I’m only yanking your chain, I had assumed it was a joke in the first place. Sarcasm doesn’t come across well in written form.
Having lived through 2 divorces as a child (one amicable-ish, one not so) I do understand where you’re coming from.
SBAndy
Well-Known Member
Take it that the financials didn’t go down the route of court? Shit one. When it comes to money it’s amazing how people can’t be trusted.
My other half is a legal secretary in Family Law so I’m fucked if anything ever happens of that nature!!
Nick
Administrator
Yeah it completely changes people generally. Same with stuff like inheritence etc.
shmmeee
Well-Known Member
It’s mental how people change TBH. We’d even see couples like this when we were married and be all “OMG how awful, I’d never do anything like that”.
People think I’m a weird Batman suit wearing misogynist when I say “get a prenup before you marry”, but it really is the best idea to set it in stone when you still like each other instead of when you hate each other the most.
People think I’m a weird Batman suit wearing misogynist when I say “get a prenup before you marry”, but it really is the best idea to set it in stone when you still like each other instead of when you hate each other the most.
duffer
Well-Known Member
I'd heard she was getting the house, but the plumbing and wiring were coming with you.
I jest of course, it always sounds hugely stressful going through a divorce. Turns out that marriage is usually expensive at both ends, and always in the middle!
duffer
Well-Known Member
I take your point, but I'm just not sure how the conversation would go.
"Darling, will you marry me?"
"Yes!"
"Great. Would you mind signing this please?"