Houchens Head
Fairly well known member from Malvern
I started to write poetry.......
"P-O-E-T"......... it's coming along nicely!
"P-O-E-T"......... it's coming along nicely!
Bad joke corner (9 Viewers)
- Thread starter redsox
- Start date
Houchens Head
Fairly well known member from Malvern
"I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are."
"I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'"
"I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'"
Houchens Head
Fairly well known member from Malvern
A guy walks into the pub and asks for 12 shots of whisky.
The barman lines them all up and watches as he knocks them all back. "Fucking hell, what's the celebration?"
"First blow job" says the guy. The barman congratulates him, "have another one on the house"
The guy replies "Nah, if 12 won't take the taste away, 13 ain't gonna!"
The barman lines them all up and watches as he knocks them all back. "Fucking hell, what's the celebration?"
"First blow job" says the guy. The barman congratulates him, "have another one on the house"
The guy replies "Nah, if 12 won't take the taste away, 13 ain't gonna!"
Coventry La La La
New Member
"Now pay attention, 007; this looks like an ordinary suitcase but, if you push this button, a handle comes out and you can wheel it."
Houchens Head
Fairly well known member from Malvern
The other day while in town, I needed a crap really badly, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles.
One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down.
A voice came from the cubicle next to me: "Hello mate, how are you doing?"
Although I thought that it was a bit strange, I didn't want to be rude, so I replied, "Not too bad, thanks."
After a short pause, I heard the voice again. "So, what are you up to?"
Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, "Just having a quick shit... How about yourself?"
The next thing I heard him say was, "Sorry, mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some c**t in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say."
One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down.
A voice came from the cubicle next to me: "Hello mate, how are you doing?"
Although I thought that it was a bit strange, I didn't want to be rude, so I replied, "Not too bad, thanks."
After a short pause, I heard the voice again. "So, what are you up to?"
Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, "Just having a quick shit... How about yourself?"
The next thing I heard him say was, "Sorry, mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some c**t in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say."
Houchens Head
Fairly well known member from Malvern
Have you ever noticed that it's only 'perfect' people who are murdered or killed in horrific accidents?
"He was the perfect son" or "She was the perfect daughter."
"Such a tragic accident they were the perfect family."
"They died together, the perfect couple till the end."
Makes me glad I abuse my kids and beat up my wife.
Kind of makes me immortal.
"He was the perfect son" or "She was the perfect daughter."
"Such a tragic accident they were the perfect family."
"They died together, the perfect couple till the end."
Makes me glad I abuse my kids and beat up my wife.
Kind of makes me immortal.
CovKingChris
Facebook User
This is a bit of a sick one but:
Whats the best part of having sex with an 8 year old in the shower?
Slicking her hair back and making her look 6.
Whats the best part of having sex with an 8 year old in the shower?
Slicking her hair back and making her look 6.
Houchens Head
Fairly well known member from Malvern
The FA have agreed that if Manchester City reach Wembley this season the fans will be allowed into the stadium with flares.This is to remind them of what they were wearing the last fucking time they reached a major final.
Houchens Head
Fairly well known member from Malvern
I wasn't the least bit surprised when the guy in the HSBC advert went to India. He went to find out why the country is buying a large percentage of their washing machines, only to discover that they were used to make drinks.
Did he honestly think they were going to use them to wash?
Did he honestly think they were going to use them to wash?
Houchens Head
Fairly well known member from Malvern
What is Rodeo Sex?
It's when you mount your missus from behind, start going nice and slowly, take her hair and pull her head back slightly and whisper in her ear "Your sister was far better than you...", and then try to hold on for 10 seconds.
It's when you mount your missus from behind, start going nice and slowly, take her hair and pull her head back slightly and whisper in her ear "Your sister was far better than you...", and then try to hold on for 10 seconds.
Houchens Head
Fairly well known member from Malvern
What is Rodeo Sex?
It's when you mount your missus from behind, start going nice and slowly, take her hair and pull her head back slightly and whisper in her ear "Your sister was far better than you...", and then try to hold on for 10 seconds.
It's when you mount your missus from behind, start going nice and slowly, take her hair and pull her head back slightly and whisper in her ear "Your sister was far better than you...", and then try to hold on for 10 seconds.
Houchens Head
Fairly well known member from Malvern
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Houchens Head
Fairly well known member from Malvern
What do you call a man in a raincoat?
Mac
Mac
Houchens Head
Fairly well known member from Malvern
What do you call a man in a large raincoat?
Big Mac
Big Mac
Houchens Head
Fairly well known member from Malvern
What do you call a man wearing two raincoats?
Max
Max
Houchens Head
Fairly well known member from Malvern
What do you call a man wearing two raincoats in a cemetary?
Max Bygraves!! Boom Boom!!
Max Bygraves!! Boom Boom!!
skybluedan
Well-Known Member
shocking..................................
redsox
Facebook User
Ha ha.....she hasn't got a sister though , does it work if I say brother instead??
Houchens Head
Fairly well known member from Malvern
Bloody hell Redsox! That would be Super Duper Rodeo Riding!! She'd bleedin' try to kill ya!!Ha ha.....she hasn't got a sister though , does it work if I say brother instead??
redsox
Facebook User
Bloody hell Redsox! That would be Super Duper Rodeo Riding!! She'd bleedin' try to kill ya!!
It was mate, it sure was!! ......lol, I get out of intensive care next week!!
Coventry La La La
New Member
I'm going to compete in a marathon dressed as Michael Jackson.
Not quite sure which race yet.
Not quite sure which race yet.
Ha ha, quality!
skybluedan
Well-Known Member
lmfao redsox.
a 73 year old woman has been arrested at the chelsea flower show for streaking
police haven given her a caution
and she won first prize for best dried bush arrangment.....................................
a 73 year old woman has been arrested at the chelsea flower show for streaking
police haven given her a caution
and she won first prize for best dried bush arrangment.....................................
Disorganised1
New Member
The managerial situation at and the state of the finances
I know its not funny ~ but it is a bloody joke
I know its not funny ~ but it is a bloody joke
cov_russell
Facebook User
"Better out than in" my dad always used to say,
Worst heart surgeon ever.
Worst heart surgeon ever.
cov_russell
Facebook User
An elephant, an ostrich and a crocodile stop a bloke in the street.
The crocodile pulls out a police badge and says, "We have reason to believe you are carrying substances of an hallucinogenic nature, Sir."
The crocodile pulls out a police badge and says, "We have reason to believe you are carrying substances of an hallucinogenic nature, Sir."
cov_russell
Facebook User
The worst pub I've ever been to was called The Fiddle.
It really was a vile inn.
It really was a vile inn.
cov_russell
Facebook User
How much coke did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.
Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.