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I actually thought Gordon's comments were the most respectful, "they expect more from us and it's a compliment". I'm happy we're through, as I was in the group games, but fuck me we have to be much better.

Here's to Gareth Southgate, the cause and solution to, all of England's problems

I enjoyed my last prostate exam more...

Don't cry for me, I'm already dead

So this is what it feels like to be a Utd fan after the FA Cup semi-final.

If Southgate doesn't bring on Palmer and Gordon at half-time, I think I'm going to have a stroke

I ask despite knowing there will never be an answer, what the fuck are we?! I struggle to understand what we are as a team; can't press, can't pass, can't shoot, can't take set pieces No identity, no idea, sack fucking Southgate (and I'm an optimistic football fan)

Does that count as a shot on target?

ITV talking about the FA Cup final as if there isn't a huge asterisks next to it makes me sick. I'm not still bitter about it, though

I mean, we all breath out carbon dioxide, so we literally contribute to greenhouse gases just by breathing...

Who's been stealing your thoughts?

China, I agree, but the US is pretty much a direct descendant of the UK. Their Bill of Rights was inspired by the UK's Bill of Rights 1689.

200 channels, and nothing but Gordons falling off bikes

You're shite

Think Dean Kiely put in one of the best goalkeeper performances I ever seen away at Luton once, think we lost 3-1 and he made about 476 worldie saves. He still knocking about?

What if I were to say that Sunak is probably more optimistic that he will still be in no 10 on the 5th July than England fans have of still being in the Euros on 1st July? Has the benefit of being true, at least!

The standard response of the waiter when you ask where your food is in a Coventry Wetherspoons