Are you happy (21 Viewers)

It is all just non stop relentless though, there's no escape! Even pieminister are sending me coronavirus special newsletters!

And I'll wait for the plates to stop spinning but, I was supposed to be getting married in May. If the 12 weeks is firm, that stops my parents and (maybe more importantly, for her especially) the future Mrs Wisdom's parents from attending... assuming there's anybody left to do the service, given the backup vicar is over 70. And who knows if I'll be allowed to travel then anyway, given it's in Yorkshire.

So I have to press on arranging things while also checking cancellation clauses, it's all very bizarre living in a world of uncertainty. Frankly it's been a terrible year so far, but this was something to look forward to amidst it all. feels like a rug's been whipped out beneath my feet a little bit.

hill83 said:

Combination of all of it really. Everyone I try to talk to about is like WAYYYYY HERE’S A MEME

Plus if I’m honest I feel a bit guilty going to Cheltenham last Thursday. Shouldn’t have gone.

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Everyone deserves a day out now and again.
There was really any clear guidelines regarding large gatherings either so it's not like you were ignoring official advice.

clint van damme said:

Everyone deserves a day out now and again.
There was really any clear guidelines regarding large gatherings either so it's not like you were ignoring official advice.

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Exactly.

There was nothing to say otherwise and any rules were broken.

True but I knew at the time it was a bad idea.

Deleted member 5849 said:

It is all just non stop relentless though, there's no escape! Even pieminister are sending me coronavirus special newsletters!


And I'll wait for the plates to stop spinning but, I was supposed to be getting married in May. If the 12 weeks is firm, that stops my parents and (maybe more importantly, for her especially) the future Mrs Wisdom's parents from attending... assuming there's anybody left to do the service, given the backup vicar is over 70. And who knows if I'll be allowed to travel then anyway, given it's in Yorkshire.

So I have to press on arranging things while also checking cancellation clauses, it's all very bizarre living in a world of uncertainty. Frankly it's been a terrible year so far, but this was something to look forward to amidst it all. feels like a rug's been whipped out beneath my feet a little bit.

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chin up mate. I’ve checked with James, and the coach is still on for 52 SBTalkers to get to the wedding..... that should make you feel better, right?

olderskyblue said:

chin up mate. I’ve checked with James, and the coach is still on for 52 SBTalkers to get to the wedding..... that should make you feel better, right?

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The lengths I'll go to to get out of a trip to St Andrews, eh!

People saying "chin up" to people with anxiety or depression.

hill83 said:

Combination of all of it really. Everyone I try to talk to about is like WAYYYYY HERE’S A MEME

Plus if I’m honest I feel a bit guilty going to Cheltenham last Thursday. Shouldn’t have gone.

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Today a guy at work was having a coughing fit quite badly in a meeting, everyone was giving him funny lucks and like stay away sort of thing.

Me being a clown took a face visor out of the cupboard and handed it to him making light of it, I was only having a little mess and he took it off me and put the visor on and started coughing all over inside of it. And I was like no what are you doing don't cough inside of it (it's company property, its not used regularly but it's possible other people may need to use it) so I gave him some alcohol wipes and was like you better clean that now.

I told him about 10 minutes later he should probably go home and he wasn't taking me seriously and then a supervisor came over and told him he needed to go home.

But yea I felt like a dickhead after for not taking it maybe as serious as I should, which isn't the truth and if someone gets sick now because he coughed inside that visor it will be my fault.

Ok, this is a really long one. Hope some of you have the time to read and curious if any seasoned heads on here have any advice. Would really appreciate it.

About 10 months ago my marriage broke down. I lost my job and in the end said fuck it and went travelling. Just before this some of my mates took me away to an undisclosed European city.

On this trip I met this girl. A few years older than me. Beautiful, intelligent, had her own business and was going through a divorce herself.

After a few days we did hook up but also spent all night talking over the course of a few days. We got really close and when I came back to england and went travelling we kept in touch. We would talk on the phone for hours and wanted to meet up again but she was a bit hasty because of the divorce etc.

After a few months I had been trying to lightly persuade her to join me travelling but she was hot and cold about it. In the end she said she wanted to go on a European beach trip and that I was welcome to join. She wanted to see me but could only take a week and therefore Europe seemed best.

I came back from travelling. We went on a weeks holiday and I can honestly say it was the best trip I've ever had. We spent a week together 24/7. Sat in restaurants for hours, went on trips, shared jokes, got pissed, and generally both agreed it was an incredible time. Even it was better than both our honeymoons.

When I came back I was job hunting and we were more in touch than ever. This was about october time. I moved out from my house and lodged at my parents for a while. Went to visit her a couple of times and we had a great time. We both admitted we had strong feelings and when I told her I thought I was falling in love with her she said it was the same for her. She isn't one to mince her words but by this point was regularly calling me and also telling me she missed me etc.

Things got more close between us and then after one visit (late October) I noticed the texts getting a bit less frequent and the tone being a bit less warm. It was a bit strange but she was (and still is to my knowledge) going through a really messy divorce where he has almost bankrupted her. I tried to back off just a little but we were still talking a lot. I just noticed the tone changing a bit.

I had planned to go and visit (she couldn't go anywhere due to work) but she seemed a bit distant. Then one night she was texting me and suddenly stopped, she was on a night out and I didnt hear anything for a day or two after. I feared the worst and my gut had butterflies. I text to ask if she was ok and if she wanted me to come and visit. The response was very horizontal and strange. When I pushed it I got a long really out of character message saying things were getting complicated and that I was free to do what I want in this difficult time for us both.

It was totally out the blue so I called her and we talked. I asked her the reason for her message and she said she was confused and scared, not ready for a relationship. I asked her if she wanted me to visit still and she said she really wanted me to.

She then told me some guy kissed her on that night out, but when I went to visit, her cousin told me she actually took him home. I was devastated and after one too many drinks I confronted her. She was really upset and said she felt horrible and it wasn't like with me. She was visibly shaken. She said she didn't know why she did it. She said she is scared because she thinks we cannot have a future because of the distance and also that she isn't ready. She said she didnt want to lose me but didnt know what to do.

You might think we were just filling a hole for each other but it wasn't the case. We really fell for each other and it was genuine. The connection was like nothing else.

Come Christmas time she started breadcrumbing me properly. Would tell me how much she missed me then ghost me for a week. I couldn't deal with it and it left me a complete mess. In the end I had to tell her I wanted us to be together but accepted she wasn't ready and she needed to sort her shit out first.

I got a really nice message back and she said how special I was to her but that she needed to shut herself down for a bit and even did it with her friends. I told her I wanted us to have a chance but that I wouldn't contact her. I told her to get in touch when her head was a bit clearer but made it clear that there was no timescale or expectation. It was up to her.



The last few months have been so hard. I miss her every day and whilst I'm angry for her behaviour I am trying to understand it. I really want her to come back but I just don't know if she will. We were so unbelievably close and she said to me a few times how amazing it was and that she wishes she met me at a different time. My response was simply to say that I would be focussing on myself too, but the space is there for her to create that opportunity for us when she is ready, at a better time.


Fast forward 3 months. I haven't heard from her (I expected that, her divorce is probably finalising around now). Her friend sent me a message asking how I was and seemingly didnt know a lot about what happened. She said she was having a really hard time but that by walking away I did the right thing and showed I really cared about her by being unselfish. She said she hoped I would come and visit again soon.

I'm trying to keep the no contact going but it is hard. To make things worse my ex-wife tried to kill herself and I've found myself pretty much back here trying to pretend everything is normal. Going through the divorce is almost impossible to start and I feel trapped. I do still have feelings for my ex but that has been watered down now I met this other girl. I'm almost plugging that gap with my ex now because the pain was so bad.

Dont know what to do and this self-isolating shite is making things worse. I was in a really bad place a month or two ago and feel like I could be slipping again if I'm not careful.

Really hope this girl gets back in touch but my feelings towards it all are so up and down. I got a new job so I'm just trying to steady my own ship really. I hope this girl comes back but I'm expecting the worst and hoping for the best.

The last year really has been like nothing else.

Earlsdon_Skyblue1 said:

Really hope this girl gets back in touch but my feelings towards it all are so up and down. I got a new job so I'm just trying to steady my own ship really. I hope this girl comes back but I'm expecting the worst and hoping for the best.

The last year really has been like nothing else.

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I would find it impossible to have the no contact agreement in place. My mind would be working overtime everyday and that limbo and confusion would ultimately lead me to feeling down and god knows what.

The no contact thing might work for her but it's not working for you and that's something that needs to change or else you'll just spiral.

Have you agreed when to restart the contact? The current virus scare and lockdown period would be the perfect time to check in on her and gauge what's going on.

fellatio_Martinez said:

I would find it impossible to have the no contact agreement in place. My mind would be working overtime everyday and that limbo and confusion would ultimately lead me to feeling down and god knows what.

The no contact thing might work for her but it's not working for you and that's something that needs to change or else you'll just spiral.

Have you agreed when to restart the contact? The current virus scare and lockdown period would be the perfect time to check in on her and gauge what's going on.

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Thanks for the reply, and you're right, but I think maybe I didnt explain properly.

We don't have a no contact agreement. I lovingly let her go and told her I was walking away so she could focus and fight through her shit. There is no obligation for her to get back in touch as such.

I've told her my thoughts and openly let her know how I felt, but I made it clear that even though I wanted us to be together that she would have to initiate anything now.

I've done enough chasing and been really understanding of her position, I pushed myself to the limit in the end really.

Some of my friends think she'll never come back but some of my friends (mostly female) thinks there is a chance. I've left the door open but I had to walk away. I'm not someone who gets jealous or sits around all day waiting for texts but by the end it wasn't fair. It drove me totally insane.

Think I handled it as well as I could in the end but it is heart breaking. Our connection was second to none. I really hope she does come back but if not at least right now I can hold my head up a bit for behaving like an adult through it all and now can focus on myself. I'm in a better place than two months ago but I miss her every day. Would love to reach out but I need to keep my word that I was giving her space. Maybe in a few months things will have changed one way or another but right now I guess I have to sit tight and try to get on with my life as normal.


Sorry for the soppy shit. Just good to get it out and see what people think I guess.

Earlsdon_Skyblue1 said:

Thanks for the reply, and you're right, but I think maybe I didnt explain properly.

We don't have a no contact agreement. I lovingly let her go and told her I was walking away so she could focus and fight through her shit. There is no obligation for her to get back in touch as such.

I've told her my thoughts and openly let her know how I felt, but I made it clear that even though I wanted us to be together that she would have to initiate anything now.

I've done enough chasing and been really understanding of her position, I pushed myself to the limit in the end really.

Some of my friends think she'll never come back but some of my friends (mostly female) thinks there is a chance. I've left the door open but I had to walk away. I'm not someone who gets jealous or sits around all day waiting for texts but by the end it wasn't fair. It drove me totally insane.

Think I handled it as well as I could in the end but it is heart breaking. Our connection was second to none. I really hope she does come back but if not at least right now I can hold my head up a bit for behaving like an adult through it all and now can focus on myself. I'm in a better place than two months ago but I miss her every day. Would love to reach out but I need to keep my word that I was giving her space. Maybe in a few months things will have changed one way or another but right now I guess I have to sit tight and try to get on with my life as normal.


Sorry for the soppy shit. Just good to get it out and see what people think I guess.

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I don't think you're being soppy at all. If anything you've taken quite an adult and reasoned approach to something some people might have gone properly mental over.

I have a friend that agreed to split up for a while with his girlfriend. She turned around after a week and said she wanted to make it permanent and he completely lost his shit. He started sending her poetry and even stood outside her house singing their favourite song in the middle of the night. She didn't change her mind.

If I were you I'd contact her. It's been a while now, you've given her space and you'd like some closure. She might tell you she's moved on but that might be what you need, to grieve the loss of the relationship and finalise it in your head and finally move on.

fellatio_Martinez said:

I don't think you're being soppy at all. If anything you've taken quite an adult and reasoned approach to something some people might have gone properly mental over.

I have a friend that agreed to split up for a while with his girlfriend. She turned around after a week and said she wanted to make it permanent and he completely lost his shit. He started sending her poetry and even stood outside her house singing their favourite song in the middle of the night. She didn't change her mind.

If I were you I'd contact her. It's been a while now, you've given her space and you'd like some closure. She might tell you she's moved on but that might be what you need, to grieve the loss of the relationship and finalise it in your head and finally move on.

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Appreciate your words, thanks man.

I did go mental to be honest but managed to 95% not vomit it out on her. I did write her a letter before and sent flowers but that was about it. By the end I realised I was acting totally psycho and it wasn't healthy.

I was probably a little needy but realistically I'm not sure that is unexpected with what happened. To have that hit of heroin and get it taken away for no real logical reason was enough to bring me crashing down hard.

I may well reach out to her but I'm going to give it a bit more time. Maybe until the summer. That should give her enough time to get the divorce sorted and clear her head. Of course I'm scared because I finally took a bit of control in the end and if I get blown out I'll feel even worse, but I'll see how things are over the next few months. I told her to contact me when she was ready and if she wants to, so I'm gonna stand true to that for now.

Her friend reaching out to tell me I did the best thing might not mean anything but it gives me a little hope. I may have sort of jumped before I was pushed but I did the kindest thing possible for both of us. Just hope it pays off.

Whats her mate like?

Nick said:

Whats her mate like?

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Ha, voice of reason!

Genuinely though she's a very nice girl. It was weird she reached out but seemed to be rooting for us even though she seemed a bit nonchalant to the latest. I can't read into it too much but her nice words were at least comforting to know I probably did the right thing.

Earlsdon_Skyblue1 said:

Appreciate your words, thanks man.

I did go mental to be honest but managed to 95% not vomit it out on her. I did write her a letter before and sent flowers but that was about it. By the end I realised I was acting totally psycho and it wasn't healthy.

I was probably a little needy but realistically I'm not sure that is unexpected with what happened. To have that hit of heroin and get it taken away for no real logical reason was enough to bring me crashing down hard.

I may well reach out to her but I'm going to give it a bit more time. Maybe until the summer. That should give her enough time to get the divorce sorted and clear her head. Of course I'm scared because I finally took a bit of control in the end and if I get blown out I'll feel even worse, but I'll see how things are over the next few months. I told her to contact me when she was ready and if she wants to, so I'm gonna stand true to that for now.

Her friend reaching out to tell me I did the best thing might not mean anything but it gives me a little hope. I may have sort of jumped before I was pushed but I did the kindest thing possible for both of us. Just hope it pays off.

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Can't help thinking after the year you've had your be better sacking it and concentrating on getting your head straight.
However, I'm an old romantic and you may never find someone you make that sort of connection with again so good luck. Sounds like you've played it pretty well so far.

All things considered, I think you've coped really well, ESB. I used to go through shit about 30 years ago, but that was between two women. Just couldn't make my mind up. Went on for about 6 years, flitting between each of them, trying to settle down with one, then the other. In the end, one of them met someone else and got married, while I was living with the other one. Then that one decided she was pissed off with me and chucked me out!
Best thing that could've happened really. Brought me down to earth and made me realise how selfish I had been! It took all those years, but my life has turned full circle now and feeling better about things. Met the current Mrs HH, got married and been together for 24 years.

clint van damme said:

Can't help thinking after the year you've had your be better sacking it and concentrating on getting your head straight.
However, I'm an old romantic and you may never find someone you make that sort of connection with again so good luck. Sounds like you've played it pretty well so far.

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Thanks mate.

All the advice I've had is to get my own head straight. The reality was she just wasn't ready but the spiralling thoughts which have taken me 2 or 3 months to get a control of have hit home the last week or so.

It's heartbreaking but my gut says she won't come back. She's independent and quite stubborn and she won't have a shortage of guys queuing up. I need to keep myself busy and try to move on but I guess you never know.

As you said, when a connection is that good it's hard to just let it go and pretend nothing ever happened.

Houchens Head said:

All things considered, I think you've coped really well, ESB. I used to go through shit about 30 years ago, but that was between two women. Just couldn't make my mind up. Went on for about 6 years, flitting between each of them, trying to settle down with one, then the other. In the end, one of them met someone else and got married, while I was living with the other one. Then that one decided she was pissed off with me and chucked me out!
Best thing that could've happened really. Brought me down to earth and made me realise how selfish I had been! It took all those years, but my life has turned full circle now and feeling better about things. Met the current Mrs HH, got married and been together for 24 years.

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Really appreciate that.

I've been on the brink a few times but the way she was hot and cold towards the end was unbearable. To be so mad for each other and then someone makes you feel like a stranger absolutely broke me, and I cannot understate that.

Now I feel a bit used and like I mean nothing to her. I keep trying to tell myself it wasn't the case but by the end I had to let her go before I was pushed.

The thought of getting in contact scares me to the bone because I'm fearful I'll get blown off. I almost did it yesterday but managed to fight it. Was the first time in a good month or two I almost gave in.

Will give it a few more months and if I haven't heard anything I'll take a decision on if I want to open that box up again.

We might be both in the same position that it's too painful but I really don't know. I took that last bit of control when my emotions were being really manipulated, so to be the one who initiates it again (specifically when I said it needs to come from her) just seems suicidal at this point.

I know what you mean by being brought back down to earth. Sounds like it worked out for you in the end though and I'm really happy for you that's the case.

Thanks to everyone that has said such nice and helpful things. I really cannot understate how much I appreciate it.

Happy for as many contributions as possible, and I think it goes to show whilst some of you can be c-units at times, theres a lot more than meets the eye when it comes to something like this.

Thanks again.

Plummeted the last few days
Can't play or watch football
Can't go boxing training
Can't go to a gym
Can't go for a swim
Stuck in the house all day on my arse

Every release has gone

Nick said:

Stuck in the house all day on my arse

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Walking's still OK atm! Poor substitute for you, maybe, but take it while you can!

Head off to Astley and do the circular walk around the fields towards Ansley(?)

Yep, gym taken away. Pub taken away.

Going to start running a couple of miles each morning to keep fit and clear my mind of brain fog.

Sent from my I3113 using Tapatalk

Nick said:

Plummeted the last few days
Can't play or watch football
Can't go boxing training
Can't go to a gym
Can't go for a swim
Stuck in the house all day on my arse

Every release has gone

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That live stream of the body weight work out mentioned in the lose the gut thread sounds like it might be worth looking into Nick

clint van damme said:

That live stream of the body weight work out mentioned in the lose the gut thread sounds like it might be worth looking into Nick

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I struggle in the house, can't get as motivated and not enough space.

Can't jog because of my knees.

Nick said:

I struggle in the house, can't get as motivated and not enough space.

Can't jog because of my knees.

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You got a resistance band or some weights?

clint van damme said:

You got a resistance band or some weights?

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Have a band but again it's space.

Sold all my weights.

Nick said:

Have a band but again it's space.

Sold all my weights.

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Yoga workout on YouTube?

clint van damme said:

Yoga workout on YouTube?

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I might buy a punch bag but again it's space for it

First time in my life I've ever really worried about anything for a prolonged period is this virus. I've got a real sense of foreboding. I've had a bit of a tight chest too.

fernandopartridge said:

First time in my life I've ever really worried about anything for a prolonged period is this virus. I've got a real sense of foreboding. I've had a bit of a tight chest too.

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I reckon if you think about symptoms you can trick yourself into having them. I get it with coughing.

Nick said:

I reckon if you think about symptoms you can trick yourself into having them. I get it with coughing.

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Same here Nick. I had a small tickly cough earlier this morning. Almost bloody shit meself! It's been fine all day since!

Nick said:

I reckon if you think about symptoms you can trick yourself into having them. I get it with coughing.

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That is completely true. Anxiety can manifest itself in many ways and one of the most common is tight chest, palpitations etc.

Really really rough day.
My mother in law passed away last night (not from covid).
My wife had moved in with her two weeks ago to look after her, in her last days.
They were extremely close, and it has hit my wife like an express train, even though we were expecting it.
She came home to me and our two kids this morning and completely lost the plot. She was hearing her mums voice in her head and hallucinating.
I think it was due to a mixture of shock, grief and exhaustion.

Seeing her go through that nearly broke me this morning. She went to sleep for a few hours, and woke up in a much more level state.

It's been one of the hardest days of my life.
I know there are tough days left to come, both for my wife, and my kids, who are also distraught.

It's good to have a thread like this to let shit go.


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I'm sorry to hear that and I hope your family get through it ok!