Bad joke corner (1 Viewer)

Houchens Head · Feb 20, 2011

I started to write poetry.......

"P-O-E-T"......... it's coming along nicely!

Houchens Head · Feb 20, 2011

"I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said 'Who's speaking please?' And a voice said 'You are."

"I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'"

Houchens Head · Feb 22, 2011

A guy walks into the pub and asks for 12 shots of whisky.
The barman lines them all up and watches as he knocks them all back. "Fucking hell, what's the celebration?"
"First blow job" says the guy. The barman congratulates him, "have another one on the house"
The guy replies "Nah, if 12 won't take the taste away, 13 ain't gonna!"

Coventry La La La · Feb 22, 2011

"Now pay attention, 007; this looks like an ordinary suitcase but, if you push this button, a handle comes out and you can wheel it."

Houchens Head · Feb 24, 2011

The other day while in town, I needed a crap really badly, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles.
One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down.
A voice came from the cubicle next to me: "Hello mate, how are you doing?"
Although I thought that it was a bit strange, I didn't want to be rude, so I replied, "Not too bad, thanks."
After a short pause, I heard the voice again. "So, what are you up to?"
Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, "Just having a quick shit... How about yourself?"
The next thing I heard him say was, "Sorry, mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some c**t in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say."

Houchens Head · Feb 24, 2011

Have you ever noticed that it's only 'perfect' people who are murdered or killed in horrific accidents?
"He was the perfect son" or "She was the perfect daughter."
"Such a tragic accident they were the perfect family."
"They died together, the perfect couple till the end."
Makes me glad I abuse my kids and beat up my wife.
Kind of makes me immortal.

CovKingChris · Feb 24, 2011

This is a bit of a sick one but:

Whats the best part of having sex with an 8 year old in the shower?

Slicking her hair back and making her look 6.

blueflint · Feb 25, 2011

an english man a scotsman and an irishman walk into a bar the barman says is this some kinda joke

Houchens Head · Feb 25, 2011

The FA have agreed that if Manchester City reach Wembley this season the fans will be allowed into the stadium with flares.This is to remind them of what they were wearing the last fucking time they reached a major final.

Houchens Head · Feb 25, 2011

I wasn't the least bit surprised when the guy in the HSBC advert went to India. He went to find out why the country is buying a large percentage of their washing machines, only to discover that they were used to make drinks.

Did he honestly think they were going to use them to wash?

Houchens Head · Feb 25, 2011

What is Rodeo Sex?
It's when you mount your missus from behind, start going nice and slowly, take her hair and pull her head back slightly and whisper in her ear "Your sister was far better than you...", and then try to hold on for 10 seconds.

Houchens Head · Feb 25, 2011

What is Rodeo Sex?

It's when you mount your missus from behind, start going nice and slowly, take her hair and pull her head back slightly and whisper in her ear "Your sister was far better than you...", and then try to hold on for 10 seconds.

Houchens Head · Feb 26, 2011

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

Houchens Head · Feb 26, 2011

What do you call a man in a raincoat?

Mac

Houchens Head · Feb 26, 2011

What do you call a man in a large raincoat?

Big Mac

Houchens Head · Feb 26, 2011

What do you call a man wearing two raincoats?

Max

Houchens Head · Mar 1, 2011

What do you call a man wearing two raincoats in a cemetary?

Max Bygraves!! Boom Boom!!

skybluedan · Mar 1, 2011

shocking..................................

redsox · Mar 1, 2011

Houchens Head said:
What is Rodeo Sex?

It's when you mount your missus from behind, start going nice and slowly, take her hair and pull her head back slightly and whisper in her ear "Your sister was far better than you...", and then try to hold on for 10 seconds.

Ha ha.....she hasn't got a sister though , does it work if I say brother instead??

redsox · Mar 1, 2011

Opened the freezer the other day & was greeted by an alien tossing himself off. "What the hell are you doing" I asked.

" I cum in peas" he replied!!

redsox · Mar 4, 2011

What's red & hangs from a tree?

...........a sanitary owl!!

Houchens Head · Mar 8, 2011

redsox said:
Ha ha.....she hasn't got a sister though , does it work if I say brother instead??

Bloody hell Redsox! That would be Super Duper Rodeo Riding!! She'd bleedin' try to kill ya!!

redsox · Mar 10, 2011

Houchens Head said:
Bloody hell Redsox! That would be Super Duper Rodeo Riding!! She'd bleedin' try to kill ya!!

It was mate, it sure was!! ......lol, I get out of intensive care next week!!

Coventry La La La · Mar 10, 2011

I'm going to compete in a marathon dressed as Michael Jackson.

Not quite sure which race yet.

smileycov · Mar 10, 2011

Coventry La La La said:
I'm going to compete in a marathon dressed as Michael Jackson.

Not quite sure which race yet.

Ha ha, quality!

smileycov · Mar 11, 2011

A leicester man was relieved to find out from the Doctors that the red rash around his cock, was in fact only his Sisters lipstick!

redsox · Mar 12, 2011

The Japanese surfing team are training hard. It seems they arrived in Dover today!!

redsox · Mar 12, 2011

....oh & if they try & beg any money, don't give them any.....I saw some footage Today and they all had boats in their drive!

redsox · Mar 12, 2011

A Leicester woman found her Son with his hand in his sister's knickers. Outraged she asked what good they thought would come of it. "Well" said the boy, "I have found Dad's gold watch!!"

:laugh::laugh::laugh:

skybluedan · Mar 14, 2011

lmfao redsox.
a 73 year old woman has been arrested at the chelsea flower show for streaking
police haven given her a caution
and she won first prize for best dried bush arrangment.....................................

Disorganised1 · Mar 14, 2011

The managerial situation at and the state of the finances

I know its not funny ~ but it is a bloody joke

cov_russell · Mar 15, 2011

"Better out than in" my dad always used to say,

Worst heart surgeon ever.

cov_russell · Mar 15, 2011

An elephant, an ostrich and a crocodile stop a bloke in the street.
The crocodile pulls out a police badge and says, "We have reason to believe you are carrying substances of an hallucinogenic nature, Sir."

cov_russell · Mar 16, 2011

The worst pub I've ever been to was called The Fiddle.

It really was a vile inn.

cov_russell · Mar 16, 2011

How much coke did Charlie Sheen take?

Enough to kill Two and a Half Men.

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