Jokes (2 Viewers)

[ccfcchris]

A man is on a street corner in Moscow yelling “The president is an idiot!“

Police surround him and handcuff him. They say, “It is illegal to insult President Putin”

He says “You don’t understand! I mean the Ukrainian president, Zelensky. He is the one I was insulting!“

The police captain says, “You can’t fool us. Everyone knows who the idiot is.

 

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[OQ_skyblue]

Why did the transgender man only eat salad?

Because he was a her before.

 

[ccfcchris]

Keir Starmer decided he'd start walking to Parliament every day. At the same street corner he would pass a hooker.

He learned to brace himself as he approached her for what was almost certain to follow.

“One hundred and fifty pounds!" she'd shout.

"No! Five pounds!" he said from the side of his mouth, just to shut her up.

This ritual between him and the hooker became a daily occurrence.

She'd yell "One hundred and fifty pounds!" He'd yell back "Five pounds!"

One day, Angela Rayner decided to accompany her boss. As the couple neared the hooker's corner he became even more apprehensive than usual.

Sure enough, there she stood. He tried to avoid eye contact as she watched the pair pass.

Then, out of the blue the hooker yelled "See what you get for five pounds, you cheap b*stard!"

 

[ccfcchris]

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid!

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorant.

 

[rob9872]

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid!

Aoccdrnig to a rscheearch at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer inwaht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh? Yaeh and I awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorant.

Tahts fcuinkg azamnig you cnut

 

[Houchens Head]

I was walking through the park earlier, when I heard, "Catch it!" shouted at me.
I looked up, trying to see the ball I was supposed to catch, but it was too late.
I trod in some cat shit!

 

[Captain Dart]

Wow it's pancake day, that creped up fast.

 

[ccfcchris]