Pros and cons of having kids - and not having them (1 Viewer)

[oucho]

Penny for your thoughts everyone; I don't have kids but it's a discussion topic with me and the mrs. Must say I do not feel a natural instinct or enthusiasm for being a dad....but I want to be open minded and as part of doing so would like to hear genuine thoughts from users on here of the upside and downsides of being a dad - and for those older childless blokes what were the good/bad bits about not having them.
Cheers

 

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[clint van damme]

pros-none
cons-they'll bleed you dry and treat you like a c**t

 

[Monners]

It’s wonderful being a dad. I took my lad to Wembley to see his first ever game - made my day (saw you in the pub before the game). Downside - I had to buy the ticket for the little twat.

 

[covmark]

I wish I'd lived a little more before I had mine. Had my eldest when I was 23 youngest 5 years later. Don't get me wrong, I thoroughly enjoyed myself beforehand, but there was many things I wanted to do before I had children.
Wouldn't change it for the world though. There's no better feeling on this earth than seeing my little girls joyous smile and loving cuddle when I come in from work.
They do bleed you dry though haha.

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[Malaka]

Pro's
Mrs Malaka shouts at them instead of me.
I have an excuse to do the coasters in Florida
I hope they take me to the city when I'm too old to get there
I love watching them play club football

Con's
Life flies by
They are expensive
Cant have a kip on the settee
Sports Cars are useless
Cant have more motorbikes
Their music is shite
They have no idea how to occupy themselves away from a screen
They are hard work

 

[Otis]

I would be lost without my daughter.


She's fab with sat navs.

No, I cannot imagine life without my daughter. She makes me smile every day.

Wanted kids ever since I was about 16. Wish I had more and children make all family gatherings much more enjoyable.

The thought of my growing old alone scares the life out of me.

Hoping she never moves too far away when she is older.

She is my daughter, but also my best mate too. We go to town together, to the Godiva together, listen and sing along to songs together in the car and she hugs me every single day.

I truly would be lost without her for sure.

 

[pastythegreat]

Cons.
No money
No sleep
No free time for hobbies.
Any free time taken up with children's hobbies.

Pros.
Palming them off on Nan and Grandad on a Saturday night and getting shit faced!

No seriously though. They tale up MOST of your time and quite often are pains in the arse, but you wouldn't change it.
My son is 10 which is a nice age. He's not quite at the moody (Kevin and Perry) age just yet but is old enough to keep himself happy in the evenings after school while were making dinner and tidying up etc. Loves coming to the football with me and his grandad. Loves playing football. Loves fortnite and Minecraft.
My little girl on the other hand is 3. And bloody hell she's hard work! She takes up every minute of every day! She's load, she's boisterous, she's in to absolutely everything. When she's in bed you honestly feel like you've gone deaf.
Funny story, last week,
7.30 Monday "Eleanor, get up it's time for Nursery"!
7.30 Tuesday "Eleanor, get up it's time for Nursery"!
7.30 Wednesday "Eleanor, get up it's time for Nursery"!
And so the week continues the same.
5.30 Saturday. "Daddy, can we get up now? I want breakfast"!

 

[Otis]

Cons.
No money
No sleep
No free time for hobbies.
Any free time taken up with children's hobbies.

Pros.
Palming them off on Nan and Grandad on a Saturday night and getting shit faced!

No seriously though. They tale up MOST of your time and quite often are pains in the arse, but you wouldn't change it.
My son is 10 which is a nice age. He's not quite at the moody (Kevin and Perry) age just yet but is old enough to keep himself happy in the evenings after school while were making dinner and tidying up etc. Loves coming to the football with me and his grandad. Loves playing football. Loves fortnite and Minecraft.
My little girl on the other hand is 3. And bloody hell she's hard work! She takes up every minute of every day! She's load, she's boisterous, she's in to absolutely everything. When she's in bed you honestly feel like you've gone deaf.
Funny story, last week,
7.30 Monday "Eleanor, get up it's time for Nursery"!
7.30 Tuesday "Eleanor, get up it's time for Nursery"!
7.30 Wednesday "Eleanor, get up it's time for Nursery"!
And so the week continues the same.
5.30 Saturday. "Daddy, can we get up now? I want breakfast"!

Mine is the same. Have trouble getting her up every morning.

Comes to the weekend and I say she can sleep in and she gets up early.

 

[rob9872]

Wasn't fussed until we had one but absolutely the best thing you'll ever do. Can't describe it to a non parent and do it justice (even when they'e a little shit lol)

 

[pastythegreat]

Mine is the same. Have trouble getting her up every morning.

Comes to the weekend and I say she can sleep in and she gets up early.

Maybe try reverse psychology and tell her she has to get up early

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[Otis]

Wasn't fussed until we had one but absolutely the best thing you'll ever do. Can't describe it to a non parent and do it justice (even when they'e a little shit lol)

I'm very lucky.

Mine is 13 and very nearly 14, so at that troublesome age, but she is hardly any trouble at all.

Only ever had one temper tantrum in her life too, when she was about 3.

 

[lifeskyblue]

We have 5 kids (age range 15-32...youngest a late addition)and they have never been any trouble. Wouldn’t change a thing. A couple of teenage moments that Caused family tensions for an hour or two but really were nothing. 3 now married so off our hands.


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[Covstu]

I have two girls, 4 and 7. As babies it’s less fun but really love it at this age. They play well together, love chatting to them about their day and they help me get through shit days at work.

Cons - you can live your life around them, you need time out but probably enjoy that time even more. Your knackered by 8pm on a Friday night, can’t get an hour to yourself to switch off, constantly watching kids TV, constantly picking up toys, bits of food. Constantly have random kids songs in your head, diet goes to shit as there is more sweets and chocolate in the house, end up standing around parks watching the kids play and wanting to tell other kids off for being little shits, a lot of pressure in trying to make their birthdays and Christmas’s magical but to end up them wanting something else on the day, trying to find interesting th8ngs for them to eat but usually end up with the usual, spending Saturday ferrying them around to swimming and various other pursuits...


But wouldn’t change it for the world!

 

[oucho]

It’s wonderful being a dad. I took my lad to Wembley to see his first ever game - made my day (saw you in the pub before the game). Downside - I had to buy the ticket for the little twat.

I did think your lad looked a bit shy, didn't realise it was his first game!

 

[oucho]

Thanks all for your thoughts...what do you do if the mrs says that having a kid is a red line in the relationship i.e. no baby = not together?

 

[pipkin73]

My Mrs passed away on the 8th May and we never had kids as she had polycystic ovaries. We talked about ivf but we never got round to it. Now she has gone i feel so empty but i'm sure if we had a child that would have gave me something to hang on to (a little bit of her still here).
All i can say is if you can have kids then have at least one, as most people i know say they changed their lives for the better and you never know what's around the corner mate.

By the way she was only 45 so not old by any means.

 

[olderskyblue]

I didn’t have a natural inclination to have kids, but as soon as the first one was born, it was like pouring a bucket full of emotion down your neck. Amazing.

The first 35 years are the worst mind....

(Someone had to follow pipkins post. Wow that’s a whole lot of bad luck. Condolences fella. )

 

[pipkin73]

I didn’t have a natural inclination to have kids, but as soon as the first one was born, it was like pouring a bucket full of emotion down your neck. Amazing.

The first 35 years are the worst mind....

(Someone had to follow pipkins post. Wow that’s a whole lot of bad luck. Condolences fella. )

Cheers mate

 

[Otis]

Wish you the very best for the future, Pipkin and I hope that along with the sadness you can find great moments of joy in reminiscing about your life together.

Good luck.

 

[Gazolba]

Having kids was the beginning of the end of my marriage. After we had kids we ceased to be a couple and became a mother and father instead. Since we had two kids, instead of being the most important person to my wife, I dropped to third most important. That's the short version covering 20 years I could write a book about.
I'm not saying don't have kids, but make sure you and your wife remain the most important person to each other, over and above the kids. That's probably harder for the woman than the man because the kids were actually part of her. and you were not.

 

[Otis]

Having kids was the beginning of the end of my marriage. After we had kids we ceased to be a couple and became a mother and father instead. Since we had two kids, instead of being the most important person to my wife, I dropped to third most important. That's the short version covering 20 years I could write a book about.
I'm not saying don't have kids, but make sure you and your wife remain the most important person to each other, over and above the kids. That's probably harder for the woman than the man because the kids were actually part of her. and you were not.

Hmm, interesting, because my daughter is more important to me than my wife and and she is more important to my wife than I am to my wife.

We are all different. There is no right or wrong here I would say.

 

[Corrado]

If you are debating whether or not to have kids, I think you have kinda already made up your mind... You will never look back and wish you didn't have them when they are actually here, actually maybe on a few occasions when they are winding you the hell up (which they will) but you will regret it later in life if you have even the smallest feeling that you might want to be a dad.
Iv got two now, 3 & 6 year old boys, its hard as hell most the time but 100% worth it (currently debating with the Mrs whether or not to go for a 3rd........)

 

[Deleted member 5849]

My Mrs passed away on the 8th May and we never had kids as she had polycystic ovaries. We talked about ivf but we never got round to it. Now she has gone i feel so empty but i'm sure if we had a child that would have gave me something to hang on to (a little bit of her still here).
All i can say is if you can have kids then have at least one, as most people i know say they changed their lives for the better and you never know what's around the corner mate.

By the way she was only 45 so not old by any means.

My sympathies, and wishing you all the best.

 

[Deleted member 5849]

Never really wanted children, starting to reflect if that's still the case

One thing I would say oucho is don't have children to keep the woman, have them because you want them.

 

[Sick Boy]

My Mrs passed away on the 8th May and we never had kids as she had polycystic ovaries. We talked about ivf but we never got round to it. Now she has gone i feel so empty but i'm sure if we had a child that would have gave me something to hang on to (a little bit of her still here).
All i can say is if you can have kids then have at least one, as most people i know say they changed their lives for the better and you never know what's around the corner mate.

By the way she was only 45 so not old by any means.

Sorry to hear that mate, hope you're keeping okay and stay strong.

 

[block16]

My Mrs passed away on the 8th May and we never had kids as she had polycystic ovaries. We talked about ivf but we never got round to it. Now she has gone i feel so empty but i'm sure if we had a child that would have gave me something to hang on to (a little bit of her still here).
All i can say is if you can have kids then have at least one, as most people i know say they changed their lives for the better and you never know what's around the corner mate.

By the way she was only 45 so not old by any means.

Sorry to hear this mate hope you’re alright x

 

[jimmyhillsfanclub]

My Mrs passed away on the 8th May and we never had kids as she had polycystic ovaries. We talked about ivf but we never got round to it. Now she has gone i feel so empty but i'm sure if we had a child that would have gave me something to hang on to (a little bit of her still here).
All i can say is if you can have kids then have at least one, as most people i know say they changed their lives for the better and you never know what's around the corner mate.

By the way she was only 45 so not old by any means.

Fucking hell......I know only too well life can be cruel but thats shit mate........I'm buying you a virtual pint as I type, with this virtual credit thats appeared on the forum.

Look after yourself fella.......and as others in this place will testify, its a good place to indulge in a little anonymous middle-aged man therapy

 

[Nick]

My Mrs passed away on the 8th May and we never had kids as she had polycystic ovaries. We talked about ivf but we never got round to it. Now she has gone i feel so empty but i'm sure if we had a child that would have gave me something to hang on to (a little bit of her still here).
All i can say is if you can have kids then have at least one, as most people i know say they changed their lives for the better and you never know what's around the corner mate.

By the way she was only 45 so not old by any means.

Really sorry to hear this

 

[covmark]

My Mrs passed away on the 8th May and we never had kids as she had polycystic ovaries. We talked about ivf but we never got round to it. Now she has gone i feel so empty but i'm sure if we had a child that would have gave me something to hang on to (a little bit of her still here).
All i can say is if you can have kids then have at least one, as most people i know say they changed their lives for the better and you never know what's around the corner mate.

By the way she was only 45 so not old by any means.

All the best to you pal. Life can really kick you in the teeth sometimes.

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[Manchester_sky_blue]

My Mrs passed away on the 8th May and we never had kids as she had polycystic ovaries. We talked about ivf but we never got round to it. Now she has gone i feel so empty but i'm sure if we had a child that would have gave me something to hang on to (a little bit of her still here).
All i can say is if you can have kids then have at least one, as most people i know say they changed their lives for the better and you never know what's around the corner mate.

By the way she was only 45 so not old by any means.

Really sorry to hear this. Life is cruel but i also believe that it tries to balance out the injustices so i hope and trust that there is a new kind of happiness waiting for you. Wishing you all the best.

 

[Manchester_sky_blue]

I think I did know that I wanted kids but I wasn't at all sure that I was ready for the first one. When he was born though all thoughts of being ready, not ready, doubts, whatever all faded away. It does totally change your life but speaking for myself it changed it for the better. I view having kids as 50% amazing and 50% shite. But that 50% amazing stuff is better than anything I ever experienced before we had the kids.

Put it this way, when you have kids, they will do a poo on your carpet. But they are the only human beings you will ever allow to remain under your roof having done said poo and astoundingly, you won’t think any less of them for it either

I do heed the earlier comment about making sure you still make time to be a married couple and not just parents. It's hard to do but it is essential.

 

[stupot07]

My Mrs passed away on the 8th May and we never had kids as she had polycystic ovaries. We talked about ivf but we never got round to it. Now she has gone i feel so empty but i'm sure if we had a child that would have gave me something to hang on to (a little bit of her still here).
All i can say is if you can have kids then have at least one, as most people i know say they changed their lives for the better and you never know what's around the corner mate.

By the way she was only 45 so not old by any means.

Really sorry to hear that. Life is horrible sometimes.

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[Sky Blue Pete]

Lovely thread

I have 3. 2 girls and a boy. 18, 14 and 11

Gosh I feel old.

Pros - they are wonderful and enhance my life every day

Cons - messing up on a daily basis by not facing enough time , patience or love for them

 

[Sky_Blue_Daz]

Only have the one child, absolutely adore my daughter.

We clash occasionally but I think that’s natural, doesn’t matter how crap my day has been seeing her always makes me smile.
We have always been praised as parents for our daughters good manners and how respect they full she is to others
Always wanted more children but sadly that’s the way the Cards fell

 

[Covstu]

Thanks all for your thoughts...what do you do if the mrs says that having a kid is a red line in the relationship i.e. no baby = not together?

i think things like this need to be thought through. Its hardly getting a dog, having a kid can make a relationship or maybe detract from what currently isn't working. I have seen a few try this and then still break up but with an added complication. Hope it works out for the best though fella