Discussion in 'Off Topic Chat' started by RB1992, Aug 2, 2016.
Jimmy Carrs laugh
Agree with the car thing, made the mistake of getting a service at a dealer. Had an error light on and google had already told me it was a loose connection under the seat and was a common issue if you move the seat back and forth when people get in but as it was going in for a service anyway I thought I'd get them to look.
After charging me £60 for diagnostics, they then said they had to have an hour to try and figure it out. At the end of that they wanted to replace parts to see if it would fix it (to the tune of about £1k). It came back that they couldn't fix it so the error was still there.
Told them I would get back to them and phoned a local garage where the bloke said "I know what that is, it's just a loose connection under the seat" and I took it down and he just checked it and cleared the error within 5 minutes and didn't even want paying.
Won't be making that mistake again.
A sign about houses / units being built where they had obviously got so angry writing it / making it they put the word disgrace in randomly so it doesn't actually make disgrace sense disgrace.
It's really random, I will try and get a picture. It's like somebody has written tourettes.
I've started to swear a lot more recently, so I phoned the tourettes helpline to see if I had a problem. They told me to fuck off.
I've thought long and hard about that but I live 50 yards away and have a couple of spare bedrooms. I just know if they do get made homeless where they will end up
Another thing that really annoys me. I own a shop, i'm cheaper than my competitior and sell the same things. I'm sited about 50 yards away. I've took fuck all cash in the first couple of hours this morning and when I wondered out for a fag somebody was coming out of my competitors having spent £30 on some bits they would have got for £20 from mine. Twats
What sort of stuff do you sell? You need to let people know you can give them the same thing cheaper.
Do they know about your shop?
Birthday cards & partyware. I was the manager of a Card Factory and decided to open my own a couple of years back. I have a large footfall coming through my shop every day, I probably have 25% conversion rate. I've got better quality stuff, a bigger shop with more choice and most of it is the same price or cheaper. Alas, it's still not good enough. It's absolutely soul destroying.
I've done promos, used advertising space in the centre and all sorts. I really can't grumble about the numbers I have coming in, it's much better than I ever predicted.
I had someone the other day ask how much are your 34" big number helium balloons. "£5.99 mate, a pound cheaper than Card Factory and £2 cheaper than Clintons". He stood looking for a couple of minutes and then wandered off. 10 minutes later he came past with one he bought from Card Factory. Sums my town up perfectly.
i bet you were deflated.
Is it because people are just going with the "name" of card factory?
I'm not a marketing expert, but you need to steal their customers.
Hire somebody to stand outside all day and give them a leaflet to come to your shop
"I've done promos, used advertising space in the centre and all sorts. I really can't grumble about the numbers I have coming in, it's much better than I ever predicted."
so it's not the footfall that's the problem. (sexism alert) Perhaps you need a bird with big tits serving behind the counter.
The centre have an advertising cabinet which happens to be right outside Card Factory so I have been utilising that when possible. Got it again over the Fathers Day period so hopefully that makes a difference but having worked in both shops my footfall is running at about 60% of theirs yet takes 20% of the money. Getting them inside is not a problem and in business that tends to be the biggest problem. Having spent ten mind numbing years in greeting card retail I know my stuff, I just can't get my head around the number of people that would rather look around mine for ten minutes and then go to Card Factory to pay more for less.
Still, once I don't pay my VAT bill at the end of next month I won't have to worry about the shop for much longer...
or perhaps re-arrange the letters of your competitors shop sign one night to confuse/discourage their customers
e.g. A DRY COC FART
Bit wonky this one. Should probably go in the GE thread.
"Fully costed manifestos"
It's utter bollocks and perpetuates the publica poor understanding of macroeconomics.
You can't cost a manifesto, the government isn't in control of its income, it's a function of private sector activity and the global economy. The Tories have over the last 5 years overspent by an average of over £20bn a year yet if Tim Farron can't point to where he'll find £100m for hugs or whatever LD policy is he's hauled over the coals as "magic money tree".
While we are at it, the phrase "magic money tree".
We do have a fucking magic money tree, that's what a mint is. We are a fiat currency and can create as much cash as we want. Just like with an actual magic money tree there are consequences for using it too much in the wrong economic conditions. Chortling twats going on about "magic money trees" just highlight their complete economic duncert yet so called sensible commentators eat it up.
In fact, let's just say the general publics understanding of macroeconomics, summed up by anyone who uses the phrase "national credit card" or "well if I spend more than I earn I'm in trouble ain't I?". GOVERNMENT BUDGETS ARENT LIKE HOUSEHOLD BUDGETS YOU GIANT FUCK NUGGET.
I don't mind not everyone understanding economics, there's lots of politics stuff I don't understand, but I keep my mouth shut and aren't enabled by the media.
Politics, it only needed a single word
Adults on skateboards
twats in tight black polo-necks wearing wireless headset microphones walking around a stage talking about the exciting launch of their new electronic product.
Twats who go to watch it and cheer like it's a winning goal at Wembley!
People who get really into a sports team and end up going all round the country to watch them and write on online message boards. Losers.
Bellends. Drown them at birth.
I have a bloke who's either on his skateboard or bmx every day. Must be mid 30's, baggy jeans and bandana along with long hair and a chain on his baggies.
You may as well say adults who act like kids and end it there.
I don't mean the odd moment. God, we can all be silly now and again. I mean adults who dress like kids, eat kids sweets and drink sugary pop all the time, speak like an episode of TOWIE, have an attention span of a constipated gnat, cannot stand still in a queue without jiggling about, blurt out their inane thoughts loudly in public, shout across to others they are with in a shop or cafe, eat with their mouth open, constantly, look shocked if someone they don't know speaks to them, walk into you if you happen to be in their way and can't manage a sorry but then snigger if they see you are less than impressed. You get my drift.
Set him free if he annoys you.
Feeling generally content with life and then the sudden appearance of emails headed 'Find a Funeral Plan' and letters in envelopes stamped with 'Help look after your loved ones when you're gone'. Bloody great!
What really annoys me is people who take photos and cannot get the horizon straight.
Or as a contributor to two or three charities.
Come along to a VIP venue, or simply reply to the letters asking you to sign over your savings /property upon death.
Seemed to start when I hit 58.
here's another serial offender
I've got 2 years to wait then before looking forward to that. Just carry on receiving my mail from that nice Michael Parkinson and June Whitfield. Maybe take them up on their offer of a free Parker pen...or is that the beginning of the end?
Can I interest you in a walk in bath and a stair lift?
Adverts in general. On the rare occassion I can find something worth watching on TV it feels like there's a break every 5 damn minutes. It seems all the channels I watch are synchronised to have adverts on at the same time so if I flick channels during ad breaks all I can find is more adverts. Half of my Facebook feed seems to be adverts and I've just been watching some Alice In Chain videos on Youtube and got a bloody advert for the latest Miley Cyrus video pop up on screen. WTF
People who take ages to get in their car and leave once they have finished filling their car up with petrol.
Lol. And you can forget those armchairs from HSL furniture that eject you out of the seat.
Separate names with a comma.