Pros and cons of having kids - and not having them (2 Viewers)

[shmmeee]

I am very envious, I feel that I really missed out on the early stages with both my kids because I was the one who had to go and work. Thing is, I took redundancy in 2014 from a career I was good at but didn’t particularly enjoy in the hopes of doing something more interesting. Sadly that hasn’t panned out and all the jobs I have done since then have basically made me miserable. My Daughter turns 3 in August and will get her 15 hours free childcare in September and my Son is already in School so very shortly the missus will be going back to work and I am going to jack in my well-paid but terrible job to do something lower paid but with a lot less responsibility and closer to home, possibly even just part time. The tax advantage of having two incomes instead of one means that if we both have £15k a year jobs we end up better off than me earning £30k plus. As long as we both work more than 16 hours a week the 15 hours free childcare would be upped to 30 hours too so it seems a no brainer.

I am sick to death of an hour and half each way commute in to Manchester to sit in a horrible office with people I don’t like doing a job that realistically makes sod all difference to anyone. By the time I get home I see my kids for about 45 mins before they go to bed and most of that is taken up with baths and bedtime routine so it’s not proper quality time. They are tired by the time they see me and they don’t want to play or tell me about their day.

I decided a while ago that I wasn’t interested in climbing the career ladder, as long as I can pay my bills with a bit spare I’m happy. I do a lot of voluntary and community work and I get my “work” satisfaction from that these days. There is the potential that I could do a lot more community stuff and even get paid for some of it from next year so that’s definitely something I want to explore and not being in full time work, or at least working closer to home will help with that.

I want to be around for my kids while I they are still young enough to want me around.

You won’t regret it mate.

I was climbing the greasy pole when my first came along. I’d go days without seeing her: in at 7, out at 8. And when I did I was tired and stressed.

I worked part time and retrained just after the second one was born and was a stay at home Dad for a year. I missed so much and am so glad I got the chance to catch up with the second.

Money will sort itself out, but you can’t get back those early years.

 

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[Otis]

You won’t regret it mate.

I was climbing the greasy pole when my first came along. I’d go days without seeing her: in at 7, out at 8. And when I did I was tired and stressed.

I worked part time and retrained just after the second one was born and was a stay at home Dad for a year. I missed so much and am so glad I got the chance to catch up with the second.

Money will sort itself out, but you can’t get back those early years.

Agree.

I changed my job and took a 4 grand paycut in order to spend more time with my daughter.

Hurt me a lot financially, but I now have precious moments that no-one can ever take away from me.

Everyone though is different of course. Everyone needs to do what they feel is the best thing for them and for their child.

I personally think I have benefitted greatly from reducing my work life and being able to be there for my daughter. I took her to school, I picked her up from school. That had gone full circle from my not getting home until 8.30 at night and her already bring in bed fast asleep and my barely seeing her.

We have such a tight bond now and that is such a wonderful feeling to have.

Yeah, she's 13 and behaving like a 13 year old, but we have had no disconnect at all between us.

 

[Astute]

Well that's me. I'll be a 60+ dad to a teenage daughter.

Sometimes this things happen and they are not through choice. I have wanted children since I was about 17 or 18.

Lucky you. 18 year old lad 19 year old girl and my grandkids might start having their own not much later than when I am 60. No wonder I want to pack up work and escape at 60

 

[Esoterica]

Well that's me. I'll be a 60+ dad to a teenage daughter.

Sometimes this things happen and they are not through choice. I have wanted children since I was about 17 or 18.

Genuinely didn't mean it as a criticism or judgement, it was purely my own preference in the situation I'm in. Every child is different but so too are the family circumstances and that is something that can get forgotten when we project our own experiences on to someone elses child.

 

[Manchester_sky_blue]

You won’t regret it mate.

I was climbing the greasy pole when my first came along. I’d go days without seeing her: in at 7, out at 8. And when I did I was tired and stressed.

I worked part time and retrained just after the second one was born and was a stay at home Dad for a year. I missed so much and am so glad I got the chance to catch up with the second.

Money will sort itself out, but you can’t get back those early years.

It’s also about my Wife being able to spread her wings a bit. She has enjoyed being a full time Mum but she lives and breathes the kids. She does some voluntary work but all that revolves around kids as well. She’s been out of the job market for nearly 6 years and is definitely ready to do something where she doesn’t have to be Mum for a bit. Whereas I, am desperate to do more at home and more with the kids. I never get to take them to school, playgroup, swimming lessons. Every week without fail my Son will ask if I can take him to something or other and every week I have to say no. He doesn’t understand why I have to go to work everyday and to be honest I am struggling to give him a good reason either.


We should, if all goes to plan, be able to maintain the same level of take home pay but split over two jobs, dividing both home and work responsibilities equally and hopefully keeping childcare costs to a minimum. Most importantly of all, I should be able to cut out the 3 totally wasted hours a day that I currently spend sat on a train.

 

[Otis]

It’s also about my Wife being able to spread her wings a bit. She has enjoyed being a full time Mum but she lives and breathes the kids. She does some voluntary work but all that revolves around kids as well. She’s been out of the job market for nearly 6 years and is definitely ready to do something where she doesn’t have to be Mum for a bit. Whereas I, am desperate to do more at home and more with the kids. I never get to take them to school, playgroup, swimming lessons. Every week without fail my Son will ask if I can take him to something or other and every week I have to say no. He doesn’t understand why I have to go to work everyday and to be honest I am struggling to give him a good reason either.


We should, if all goes to plan, be able to maintain the same level of take home pay but split over two jobs, dividing both home and work responsibilities equally and hopefully keeping childcare costs to a minimum. Most importantly of all, I should be able to cut out the 3 totally wasted hours a day that I currently spend sat on a train.

Good luck and I hope you find a really healthy life balance.

 

[Terry Gibson's perm]

I have done something similar taking a part time job to spend more time with the kids and allowing my wife to move into a more 9-5 position and it was great after a year I have been promoted though and have gone back to full time I miss doing part time every day though

 

[Otis]

I have done something similar taking a part time job to spend more time with the kids and allowing my wife to move into a more 9-5 position and it was great after a year I have been promoted though and have gone back to full time I miss doing part time every day though

Even when I was full time I only worked part time.

All those posts weren't just going to write themselves!

 

[Terry Gibson's perm]

Even when I was full time I only worked part time.

All those posts weren't just going to write themselves!

Your credit looks a bit low at the moment.


When I was full time before I barely worked part time hours but had to look busy

 

[Otis]

Your credit looks a bit low at the moment.


When I was full time before I barely worked part time hours but had to look busy

Did you use the old blank piece of paper on a clipboard routine?

Anyone saw you with a clipboard at our place and they would automatically assume you were busy.

 

[fernandopartridge]

I'd describe my Czech as functional, certainly not fluent - it's a stupidly hard language to learn. I'm fine around day to day life: In the supermarket, for small talk over the fence with my neighbours or phoning up to make an appointment or book a reservation somewhere but I wouldn't get a Czech speaking job. My daughter is fluent in both English and Czech which is amazing to see in a 4 year old.

My best mate came to teach some English here for a year in a remote mining town. I visited a couple times then, and there's no way to say it without sounding shallow, I enjoyed the cheap beer and beautiful girls. He ended up moving on to Brno (CZ's 2nd city) and doing his Masters degree there and in the 2nd year he wanted to concentrate on his studies more and so he offered me his classes and found a flat where I could stay. I'd just got back from some time working out in India with Accenture and didn't want to go back to 'corporate hours' so I took a year's sabbatical and came out here. After my year I very much wanted to stay too and there was plenty of growth within the locally based International companies (IBM, Honeywell etc) so it was easy to get a job. Ended up meeting the wife and we bought an old run down house in a quiet district and completely renovated it, while converting part of it into a couple of granny flats which are rented out and pay the mortgage, so now I've no intention of leaving! Plus the Czechs love sport, outdoors, drinking and combining all 3 whenever possible. Ticks a lot of my boxes!

Nice one!

 

[Terry Gibson's perm]

Did you use the old blank piece of paper on a clipboard routine?

Anyone saw you with a clipboard at our place and they would automatically assume you were busy.

I was sales rep so used to put in appointments in the diary that were fictional or when I was could calling go to an area and sleep in the car instead of going out to calls