Bad joke corner (4 Viewers)

[skybluedan]

i watched as the other woman inserted her fingers into my wife
understandably i decicided to have a wank.....


midwives eh no sense of humour at all..,........

 

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[skybluedan]

a woman knocked my door collecting for the sperm bank......
i gave the bitch a right mouthful

 

[skybluedan]

i went to a funeral yesterday with my new girlfriend it was the first time i had met her family
fuck me there miserable basterds.......

 

[skybluedan]

a fat bird served me me my food in macdonalds the other day
she said sorry about the wait
i said dont worry you fat bitch you will lose it

 

[smileycov]

have i told you the ALZHELMERS joke!!!!!

 

[Coventry La La La]

My teacher asked my today who is my favourite fictional character

God.

 

[Coventry La La La]

Just been to the Doctors to get my results back about a lump I have.

He said "do you want the good news or the bad news?"

I said "good news."

He said "I really think you'd look good in a bandana."

 

[Coventry La La La]

If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they eat all their food?

 

[Coventry La La La]

On the news earlier i was watching all these Scousers marching in protest about the Liverpool FC buy out.

I thought fuck me how did all these people manage to get a day off work at such short notice to-


Oh.....

 

[Coventry La La La]

Jesus walks into a pub, goes over to 3 men sat in the corner and shakes hands with the 1st, "Wow, the pain in my back is gone, it's a miracle!" shouts the bloke, and then shakes the 2nd mans hand, "I can see! And my eczema's cleared up, it's a miracle!" As he goes to shake again the 3rd bloke screams "Woah woah fuck off, i'm on benefits!!"

 

[Coventry La La La]

i never got the extreme Christians who hated Jews...OK, a Jew supposingly killed their beloved Jesus but Jesus was Jewish too.
thats just as stupid as...wait no, there's nothing quite as stupid as that.

 

[Coventry La La La]

Did you know there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!

But he loves you

 

[Coventry La La La]

Heard about a fire in Leicestershire library, Their whole collection was destroyed!

It's true, Both books were destroyed and they hadn't even finished colouring in one of them!

 

[Coventry La La La]

Just seen Gavin from Autoglass in McDonalds.



So nervous when I got his autograph, I said 'I didn't think you liked chips'.

 

[skybluedan]

why are paking spaces like girls at parties.....
because if you get there late all the best ones are taken
so when no ones looking you stick it in the disabled one

 

[Coventry La La La]

The History Channel.


The only channel a Liverpool supporter ever joys watching.

 

[Coventry La La La]

"Romeo, Romeo, wherefore art thou Romeo?"

"Hold on a sec, I'm on cod."

 

[Coventry La La La]

There was a Scottishman, an Englishman and an Irishman and they were on the run from the Nazis.

They run into an alleyway and hide inside three large sacks.

A Nazi officer, upon finding the three suspicious looking sacks, kicks the first one. The Scottishman inside barks like a dog, and the Nazi continues.

He kicks the second sack, and the Englishman meows like a cat. The officer, shrugged his shoulders, thinking that it was odd to have two sacks of animals in an alleyway, but continued to the third sack just the same.

He gave the third sack a swift boot on the side, to which the Irishman responds with a huge, bellowing "potatoes"

 

[Coventry La La La]

I'm trying to stage a game of family fortunes in Norfolk, I've got one family just struggling to find another.

 

[Coventry La La La]

Was feeling suicidal last night and phoned the Samaritans. They were busy, and just left me hanging.

 

[Coventry La La La]

Roy Hodgson drove past me on the motorway at about 100mph, no seatbelt on, can of strongbow in his hand, and beeping his horn...... He'll do anything for three points

 

[Coventry La La La]

According to a recent poll, 90% of men in Liverpool have had sex in the showers.

The other 10% have not been to prison.

 

[Coventry La La La]

BBC News: India has condemned "racist and bigoted" remarks by a New Zealand TV Presenter who made fun on Delhi Chief Minister Sheila Dikshit's surname, Can't think why...

 

[Coventry La La La]

What does an American see when he looks inside a box of cheerios?

Donut seeds.

 

[Coventry La La La]

I just read last year 4,153,237 people got married.

I don't want to start any trouble, but shouldn't that be an even number?

 

[DoYouSpeakClingan?]

So, our hated rivals are on a tour of Thailand at the moment...does this mean a happy ending for Sven?

 

[Coventry La La La]

findafamilymember.co.uk

Norfolks number 1 dating website

 

[Coventry La La La]

Sky news: The Chilian miners will be fitted with special glasses to shield their eyes from the sun after their long time spent in the darkness


Glasses that protect your eyes from the sun, what could you possibly call them...

 

[Coventry La La La]

Went to the zoo yesterday, all they had was one dog.

It was a Shitzu.

 

[skybluedan]

Went to the zoo yesterday, all they had was one dog.

It was a Shitzu.

that was a good one la la la

 

[Coventry La La La]

that was a good one la la la

Thanks you have come up with some good ones yourself :laugh:

 

[Coventry La La La]

At a recent job interview:

What would you consider to be your main weaknesses and strengths?

Well my main weakness would be my issues with reality, telling what's real from what's not.

And your strengths?


I'm Batman.

 

[Coventry La La La]

The first commandment states: "I am the lord your god you shall have no other Gods but me."
The first two deadly sins are: "Vanity & Envy"

Fucking Hypocrite!

 

[Coventry La La La]

My mate had an amputation done on private health care

Cost him an arm & a leg.

 

[Coventry La La La]

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my mum or my dad. Or my older brother Andrew. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Andrew.