Bad joke corner (4 Viewers)

[Lets all sing together]

I can't believe it. Me and my wife were sitting watching TV when the founder of Apple just walked into the house and took all our Mr Sheen!

Fucking Jobs, coming over here and stealing our polish.

 

---

[skybluedan]

Shark,lobster,crab,scouser

which is the odd one out?

The shark because the other 3 wear shelsuits and pinch like fuck........................

 

[Tommy Pitera]

I couldn't believe it when I was informed that Lily Allen voted Conservative last year. Until I realised she'd never been into labour.

 

[Ernie Machin]

Nasty. :guitar2:

 

[rob9872]

Tommy you're a c**t

 

[We'll_live_and_die]

Tommy and Kuklinsky are the same person?

 

[Tommy Pitera]

I see rob is the forum ambassador of taste and decency, if he doesn't agree with what is said it's wrong.

 

[Tommy Pitera]

Oh and for the record if lily wants to stop her babies falling out before they're ready she should lay off the booze and sniff. But I guess we should feel sympathy for these ill disciplined wretches.

 

[rob9872]

Absolutely not. The first to joke on many subjects close to the limit, but taklking about thet death of an unborn child is abhorrent, vile, disgusting - you choose.

My wife miscarried with our first at a amuch earlier stage than Lily Allen and it was devestating, so god knows what she went through. She may be fair game to take the mick out of, no problem with that but children is pretty low. I can only assume that you're not a fathe ryourself and if you are then you should know better.

 

[Kuklinski]

We are all allowed our say Tommy, as long as we say the right things. God help those with the mental strength to think for themselves or dare to have a different opinion.

 

[We'll_live_and_die]

This is a joke thread not an argument thread. You'll see 77 pages of funnies before you and Rob started the tittle tattle. Please take it elsewhere and preserve this thread for funnies.

 

[rob9872]

Oh and for the record if lily wants to stop her babies falling out before they're ready she should lay off the booze and sniff. But I guess we should feel sympathy for these ill disciplined wretches.

You know this for a fact do you? And you assume she was doing it during pregnancy? Did you speak with her, read it in the sun or just make your own assumptions based on the celebrity lifestyle?

 

[Tommy Pitera]

I usually find that when celebs admit they are pill popping sniff heads with a very strong taste for booze proof enough.

 

[rob9872]

We are all allowed our say Tommy, as long as we say the right things. God help those with the mental strength to think for themselves or dare to have a different opinion.

You seem obsessed with this thing about opinions Kulk. Did nobody listen to you in the playground? It's getting boring now, but one last time ... nobody is disagreeing with you having an opinion or even the opinion itself. Here we're discussing the view that talking about dead unborn babies is unacceptable. Surely even you can agree with this?

ANyhow as pointed out this is a joke thread, so like the other thread you're still embroiled in , I'll duck out now and leave you all to it. have a good day.

 

[Kuklinski]

I think Pitera's joke about Allen's miscarriage crossed the line of humour and decency. But, she is a self confessed drinker, drug taker and smoker, so not entirely blameless is she?

What do you call a Welshman with a stick up his arse?

A taffy apple.

 

[rob9872]

Much better

 

[Tommy Pitera]

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Pete Doherty? About a week hopefully.

 

[rob9872]

In case you're wondering, not me btw ^

I wouldn't hide ebhind a new alias - I assume someone has set this acc up purely to post that joke?

 

[Nick]

I think they must have. Must be bored ha!

 

[Tommy Pitera]

It never fails to amaze me when people can't even spell the name of someone they are trying to take the piss out of even when it's written down in front of them.

Absolute dope

 

[Tommy Pitera]

I just made a hotel out of small cheesy biscuits.

It's not exactly the ritz.


How's that?? Acceptable?

 

[Tommy Pitera]

Amy Winehouse meets Lady Diana at the pearly gates. Amy says to her "why is your halo black?" Diana replies "you must still be off your face darling, it's a fucking steering wheel".

 

[Ernie Machin]

She was in the back though, so I doubt whether she hit the steering wheel at all. You haven't thought this through, Thomas.

 

[Tommy Pitera]

Hmmm good point. Although the lack of seatbelt and the massive impact could easily have forced her and her whorish head through to the front of the merc and into the wheel.

 

[Ernie Machin]

The very idea that the vacant tart made it to heaven is where this story falls down. I bet Prince Phillip has got some great gags about her though.

 

[Tommy Pitera]

Prince Phillip is a legend, I'm sure he was wheeling the gags out at William and kates wedding

 

[Nick]

 

[bamalamafizzfazz]

Stop with the bickering!!

This is one of my favourite threads on this forum.

Back on topic, im going to share my favourite ever joke.




Q. Why did the girl fall off the swing?...

A. Because she had no arms*


*DISCLAIMER: apologies to anybody on this forum or any other who has or does or wil ever have known someone who has lost any limbs. This is a horrible thing to happen to anyone and I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

 

[Ernie Machin]

Andrew Lloyd Webber walks in to Burger King and asks for two whoppers.


"You're good looking and your musicals are great" is the reply.

 

[cov_russell]

Officials in Norway have revised the death toll from the terrorist attacks down from 93 to 76.

They must have a fucking good health service over there.

 

[Tommy Pitera]

My ex-wife says it was my obsession with horoscopes that Taurus apart.

 

[CovKingChris]

A pirate went in to the doctors with the steering wheel of the boat stuck to his crotch

The doctor said "you do know you have a steering wheel stuck to your crotch

To which the pirate replied "arghhh. It's drivin' me nuts!"

 

[CovKingChris]

What do two snails do when they get in a fight?

They slug it out.

 

[Coventry La La La]

I'm on a quest around the world to find Bigfoot.

I'd originally set out to find cheap petrol, but I decided to keep my goals realistic.

 

[Hcut PUSB]

My missus packed her bags and left cos of my fetish of inserting pasta up her arse.

I'm feeling cannelloni now.