Bad joke corner (12 Viewers)

[SkyblueSavage]

Back in the class room, Mrs Crabtree asked her year 2 pupils what their fathers did for a living. Some proudly announce their fathers professions as Firemen, Doctors, Builders and Plumbers until they got round to little Billy. Billy said "My dad is a male prostitute, he lets the punters penetrate his arse and then cum in his mouth for extra cash"

After class, a concerned Mrs Crabtree called Billy to stay after class - "Is that really what your Dad does, Billy" she quizzed. He replied "No but... his real job... I can't say, I'm too embarrassed to say infront of my friends" he responded. Unbelievably concerned now, Mrs Crabtree asked him to go on. A moment of pause and Billy stumps up the courage and trust to disclose "He plays for Leicester City"



Sorry fellas

 

---

[Gray]

whats Amy Winehouse and Micheal Jackson got in common?

they both had a 10 year old crack addiction

 

[Tommy Pitera]

I keep telling my missus to stop turning her head when I cum at the end of a blowjob.

Does she listen?

No, Just goes in one ear & out the other.

 

[Hugh Jarse]

On the radio at lunchtime there was a report about child obesity saying that for every one case reported there were hundreds that were left to deal with the situation alone.

So, that one reported case is the tip of the beefburger!

 

[Sky_Blue_Daz]

Fella comes in after an all night session on the piss, the wife says you better have a good excuse for coming home at this hour. He says I have, Breakfast

 

[Sky_Blue_Daz]

A friend phoned me earlier to say that his wife went to get a pint of milk sunday and hasn't come back yet.
I said you alright? He said yeah I got some of that powdered stuff

 

[CovKingChris]

There is a new product called viagra eye drops. They make you look hard.

 

[dutchman]

Sophie Ellis-Bextor has been found dead at a famous French footballers house
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Apparently it's murder on Zidane's floor

I'll get me coat!

 

[Hugh Jarse]

"Knock knock"

"Who's there?"

"I've got Altseimers"

"I've got Altseimers who?"

"Knock knock!"

 

[Hugh Jarse]

My missue came home last night with a new brand of ice cream.

I asked her if it was hard or soft scoop.

She looked me in the eye and in her best seductress voice said "It's as hard as you are when you think of me".

So I said, "Go on then, pour me a glass"

 

[Sky_Blue_Daz]

Got a new job yesterday driving for the National Express, A stunning blonde with big tits got on and asked you going to Oldham?
Back to the Job Centre tomorrow

 

[Lets all sing together]

Three Celtic fans walk into a bar... A priest, a poof and a paedophile... And that was just the first one.

 

[Coventry La La La]

Don't quite understand looting whilst rioting. At what point do you stop standing up for what you believe in and decide life would be better with a free radio alarm clock?

 

[DH - Sky Blue]

Just been told by a policeman to stop busking in the centre of Birmingham.
Apparently im not allowed to lute.

 

[KelV6]

you have heard of BOGOF

now we have LOGOF

 

[blueflint]

i see the riots have spread to ireland now paddy's just smashed his computor screen trying to loot ebay

 

[skybluegod]

there was a riot in binley chippy last night.......................................two fish got battered

 

[Hugh Jarse]

Liverpool just bid for Carlos Tevez

Apparently they've offered 200 plasma TV's, 6 rolls of carpet and 72 pairs of Reebok classics.




David Cameron.

About as much use as Stephen Hawking's mountain bike.

 

[JCR1987]

After nearly breaking my neck on a pair of bright pink roller skates on the stairs, I shouted at my son, "Are these yours?!"He said, "Well, obviously they're not mine.""Oh yeah, of course they aren't," I replied. Then laughed at him in his little wheelchair.

​

 

[JCR1987]

4 blokes in a prison cell. A zoophile, a sadist, a necrophiliac & a gay. The zoophile says "if there was a cat here i'd fuck it till it passed out". The sadist nods & says "once you're done with it i'd torture it to death". The necrophiliac sighs "Oh yeah & once it was dead i'd fuck it till i passed out". The gay bloke sitting in the corner very softly says "meow"

​

 

[Lets all sing together]

3 Leicester fans walk into a bar, a mother, father and a daughter,

and that was just the first one.

 

[Coventry La La La]

Gaddafi once had it all and slowly watched his empire crumble,the trusted flee to opposition and now defence has collapsed...now the world is laughing at you.

Sorry, did I say Gaddafi?

I meant Wenger.

 

[JCR1987]

I've adopted a little African child, I worried that he wouldn't adapt well to our way of life...

So to make him feel at home, I put a treadmill in front of the sink.

 

[JCR1987]

Can you spare just £2 per month for the World Wildlife Federation ?

Some fucker as just shot all the birds above Tripoli

 

[Hugh Jarse]

What's eight inches long and makes my wife come?

My thumb and middle finger when I click them!

 

[Disorganised1]

What's eight inches long and makes my wife come?

My thumb and middle finger when I click them!

Thus speaks a single man.

My friend died doing what he loved best ~

Heroin

 

[Coventry La La La]

I needed a password eight characters long so I picked

Snow White and the Seven Dwarves

 

[We'll_live_and_die]

I asked someone if there is a B&Q in Coventry.

"No but there's a C. O. V. E. N. T. R and Y".

 

[Hugh Jarse]

Thus speaks a single man.

Wrong, I'm afraid!

 

[Disorganised1]

Wrong, I'm afraid!

You might not be single now - but when she reads that.........................

 

[We'll_live_and_die]

There was an elderly man who wanted to make his younger wife pregnant. So, he went to the doctor to have a sperm count done. The doctor told him to take a specimen cup home, fill it, and bring it back the next day. The elderly man came back the next day and the specimen cup was empty and the lid was on it.

Doctor: What was the problem?
Elderly man: Well, I tried with my right hand...nothing. So, I tried with my left hand...nothing. My wife tried with her right hand...nothing. Her left hand...nothing. Her mouth...nothing. Then my wife's friend tried. Right hand, left hand, mouth....still nothing.
Doctor: Wait a minute. You mean your wife's friend too?! Elderly man: Yeah, and we still couldn't get the lid off of the specimen cup

 

[redsox]

Last night I banged my head just before going to bed, so I put some margarine on it.
The bump was still there after I woke up. I cant believe it's not better.

 

[redsox]

After the recent shark attack , a post mortem on the remains of the victim revealed a tattoo that read "Sky Blues Premiership Champions 2015".

A police spokesman said "Even the shark couldn't swallow that"

(yeah I know but that's how it was told to me!!) :facepalm:

 

[redsox]

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the garden. The little boy finds an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five pounds you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hairspray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he puts the worm back into the hole.

The grandfather hands the little boy five pounds, grabs the hairspray, and runs into the house. Thirty minutes later the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another fiver. The little boy says,

"Grandpa, you already gave me five pounds."

The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandmother "

 

[Quball]

what do mexicans have under there capet?

underlay underlay!