Here's my letter, guys! Sorry you have to see this! If I could keep it to myself I would!!!
Dear Coventry City Football Club
I'd like to compare you to an apple. I like apples. You're my favourite apple. Unfortunately, you have a rotton core*!!!
In 1987** I had a bite of you and it was the most delicious taste I'd ever known. I have to admit that apart from that there's not much to shout about! Your skin is a faded yellow colour and you've got bruises all over! But you're still my favourite apple!
However, just recently you were taken away from me and put in an orchard in Northampton! Not back on a tree though - you were left to rot on the orchard floor!!!
If I had an apple corer, I would remove your core and replace it with another core! I don't care where that core comes from just as long as I get rid of your current core and you come back to your orchard*** in Coventry!
Alas, I don't have an apple corer, so just forget it!!! It's over!!! I'm off to eat an orange!!!
Regards,
B***n
(*Sisu/Otium.)
(**The year we won the FA Cup.)
(***Technically Coventry City Council's orchard, with the lease held by ACL, but let's not worry about that just now.)