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Tim has just announced that he is going to stand for parliament as he now realises that he is not the biggest bull shitter in the country. He will be standing as The Real David Davis candidate

Tim on more than one occasion has paid full price at DFS

Tim once completed the Tour De France on his Raleigh Chopper. He finished second to the the leader of North Korea.

Tim is currently working on a screenplay for "Carry On Football." He has described Vinny Jones as "the new Charles Hawtrey", that Joy has been working on her Hattie Jacques impression, and that Joe Elliott is a shoe in for Sid James as long as he detans a little.

Tim is 437th in line of succession to the now defunct Albanian throne

Tim once applied to be on Lee Macks team on Would I Lie To You, but he was turned down on the basis of being over qualified. He had a similar level of success with his application for I'm Sorry I Haven't A Clue

Tim once worked in a travelling circus as "The Great Bastardo the fairly accurate knife thrower." After six months he was topping the bill at Strangeways.

Tim was disappointed when he finished only fourth in UK wanker of the year competition, behind Kelvin McKenzie, Nigel Farage, and Jedward

He once had a mouse Who didn't have a house He didn't know why he called him Gerald

Friend of my mother is a guy called Gordon Simms who played one game for the Sky Blues in the 50s. Couldn't believe my ears when he was announced onto the pitch a few years ago. When I next met him I asked him without being rude what constituted a legend. Sorry to be the purveyor of bad news but...

1) Attendees - TF and his dog 2) Apologies received from MV 3) TF raised the question of the whereabouts of MV 4) TF reported that our victory at Wembley was one of the great days in the history of this football club as it buys him at least 2 months honeymoon period with the fans. The dog...

Echo everything said before. Apparently photos will be on Wealdstone website somewhere. Looked like a couple of hundred there, but these things always difficult to judge

The Unicorn Stadium - It won't and never will exist.