Bad joke corner (8 Viewers)
- Thread starter redsox
- Start date
Hugh Jarse
Well-Known Member
Andy Thorn was out Scaring Coventry fans last night.
He was dressed as a contract extension.
He was dressed as a contract extension.
Skyblueloyal
Active Member
A teacher informs the class they are doing famous quotations and asks who said 'Kiss me Hardy?' Quick as a flash a black kid puts his hand up and says 'Lord Nelson, Battle of Trafalgar 1805.' A white kid shouts out 'You fucking black c**t' Who said that asks the teacher? Quick as a flash the white kid says 'John Terry Loftus Road 2011'
Skyblueloyal
Active Member
My mate reckons he always cries after sex. I thought u Soft lad . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . then I remembered, he's in prison!!
Skyblueloyal
Active Member
I took my son out for his first pint. Got him a Fosters. He didn't like it - I had it. Then I got him Carlsberg, he didn't like it, I had it. It was the same with Guinness and Cider. By the time we got down to the whisky I could hardly push his bloody pram...
Skyblueloyal
Active Member
A Chinese couple have become the first of their kind to have an Albino Baby!! Which goes to show two Wong's can make a white.
Skyblueloyal
Active Member
The police are on the lookout for someone who has stabbed 6 people with knitting needles. A police spokesman said that the culprit is following a pattern
Skyblueloyal
Active Member
Mick walks into paddys barn and catches him dancing naked and playing with himself in front of a tractor . Mick says " fecking hell paddy , what ya doing " Paddy replies "well me and Mary haven't been getting on in the bedroom lately , and the therapist recommended i do something sexy to a tractor"
Skyblueloyal
Active Member
A old man & his grandson went into a bookies. The boy asks his grandpa if he can put a bet on . "if you can touch ur arse with ur dick, you can have a bet. " says grandad. I cant says the lad ," well ur not old enough then ". So the boy goes into the shop next door and buys a scratchcard & wins £50,000 ! He goes and tells hes grandpa, who suggested they should split it 50/50 " can u touch ur arse with ur dick ? " asks the boy. "yes! " shouts grandpa . " well go fuck yourself .
BackRoomRummermill
Well-Known Member
lol that is funny
Hugh Jarse
Well-Known Member
I have just witnessed Fatima Whitbread taking a shower in a skimpy bikini under a waterfall in the jungle, i sat there thinking please don`t get an erection ..................... but she did:laugh:
redsox
Facebook User
I figure over HALF of you will understand about halfway through the reading 
A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they’re Sitting there having a good time together, she starts talking about this Really great new drink.
The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets, and starts
trying to talk her boyfriend into having one.
After a while he gives in and lets her ...order the drink for him. The
Bartender
brings the drink and puts the following items on the bar:
1. A salt shaker,
2. A shot of Baileys,
3. A shot of lime juice.
The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.
First you put a bit of the salt
on your tongue.
Next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth.
And finally you drink the lime juice.'
So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it.
He puts the salt on his tongue........salty but OK.
He drinks the shot of Baileys and holds it in his mouth........smooth, Rich, cool, very pleasant. He
thinks........this is OK.
Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.
1. In one second the sharp lime taste hits
2. At two seconds the Baileys curdles
3. At three seconds the salty, curdled taste & mucous-like Consistency hits
4. At four seconds it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot
This triggers his gag reflex, but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now foul tasting drink.
When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, Jesus what do you call that drink?'
She smiles widely at him and says,
'Blow Job Revenge.':laugh::laugh::laugh:
A woman and her boyfriend are out having a few drinks. While they’re Sitting there having a good time together, she starts talking about this Really great new drink.
The more she talks about it, the more excited she gets, and starts
trying to talk her boyfriend into having one.
After a while he gives in and lets her ...order the drink for him. The
Bartender
brings the drink and puts the following items on the bar:
1. A salt shaker,
2. A shot of Baileys,
3. A shot of lime juice.
The boyfriend looks at the items quizzically and the woman explains.
First you put a bit of the salt
on your tongue.
Next you drink the shot of Baileys and hold it in your mouth.
And finally you drink the lime juice.'
So, the boyfriend, trying to go along and please her, goes for it.
He puts the salt on his tongue........salty but OK.
He drinks the shot of Baileys and holds it in his mouth........smooth, Rich, cool, very pleasant. He
thinks........this is OK.
Finally he picks up the lime juice and drinks it.
1. In one second the sharp lime taste hits
2. At two seconds the Baileys curdles
3. At three seconds the salty, curdled taste & mucous-like Consistency hits
4. At four seconds it feels as if he has a mouth full of nasty snot
This triggers his gag reflex, but being manly, and not wanting to disappoint his girlfriend, he swallows the now foul tasting drink.
When he finally chokes it down he turns to his girlfriend, and says, Jesus what do you call that drink?'
She smiles widely at him and says,
'Blow Job Revenge.':laugh::laugh::laugh:
We'll_live_and_die
Super Moderator
Bloke goes into a pet shop and asks the manager
`I want to buy a wasp`
Manager `Sorry-we only sell pets here?`
Bloke says `But you,ve got one in the window`
`I want to buy a wasp`
Manager `Sorry-we only sell pets here?`
Bloke says `But you,ve got one in the window`
Disorganised1
New Member
Someone rang me up today from an energy company to ask me what I thought of wind turbines.
I said "big fan."
I said "big fan."
BackRoomRummermill
Well-Known Member
LOL made me laugh
made me laugh
Disorganised1
New Member
I called that tinnitus help line - useless - just kept ringing.
Disorganised1
New Member
I've got this new aftershave - it smells like breadcrunbs.
The birds love it ! :facepalm:
The birds love it ! :facepalm:
Skyblueloyal
Active Member
WHY THE IRISH CAN'T BE PARAMEDICS……..
Sean and Paddy are out in the woods hunting when suddenly
Sean grabs his chest and falls to the ground.
He doesn't seem to be breathing ; his eyes are rolled back in his head. Paddy whips out his mobile phone and calls 999.
He gasps to the operator, "By t'undering Jesus, I tink Sean is dead! What should I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says,
"Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence...... and then a gun shot is heard.
Paddy comes back on the line : "Okay, now what?"
Sean and Paddy are out in the woods hunting when suddenly
Sean grabs his chest and falls to the ground.
He doesn't seem to be breathing ; his eyes are rolled back in his head. Paddy whips out his mobile phone and calls 999.
He gasps to the operator, "By t'undering Jesus, I tink Sean is dead! What should I do?"
The operator, in a calm soothing voice says,
"Just take it easy and follow my instructions. First, let's make sure he's dead."
There is a silence...... and then a gun shot is heard.
Paddy comes back on the line : "Okay, now what?"
Skyblueloyal
Active Member
I was audition for a show went into the dressing room and there was a message on the door sayin beware of the puffs, I then i went to do my hair and make up and there was a message on the mirror saying beware of puffs just as Igoing onto stage there was a message on the floor i bent down to read it and it said " You have already been warned twice"!!!!!
We'll_live_and_die
Super Moderator
Bob Holness has died apparently his last contestant asked for an R an I and a P.
stupot07
Well-Known Member
sorry this is awful, i heard it on the radio this morning...
David Seaman has officially got the longest goalkeeper's throw in premier league history, he used to throw the ball out to Thierry Henry Overmars...
i'll get my coat.....taxi
p.s. sorry about he spelling mistakes, that will teach me to post on my phone!
David Seaman has officially got the longest goalkeeper's throw in premier league history, he used to throw the ball out to Thierry Henry Overmars...
i'll get my coat.....taxi
p.s. sorry about he spelling mistakes, that will teach me to post on my phone!
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