Bad joke corner (11 Viewers)

someone in Asda started throwing milk and cheese at me today........how Dairy

redsox said:

A lion, a bear and a chicken are sitting in a pub discussing which one's the hardest.
The bear says "When I growl, the entire forest runs for cover."
The lion says "That's nothing. When I roar, everything on the plains of Africa shakes with fear."
The chicken thinks for a while then says "Funnily enough, when I sneeze, the entire world **** itself."

:laugh::laugh:
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:laugh::laugh::laugh:

Nice to have you back RedSox

Which cheese do you use to lure a bear out of a cave?
Camembert

Sickipedia is the main place for jokes. I won't post any on here though!

Nick said:

Sickipedia is the main place for jokes. I won't post any on here though!

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G'wan G'wan G'wan.....

I'm currently dating a couple of anorexic girls.

Two birds - 1 stone

Ditto! nice to see you again mate!:wave:

I tried to speed up my racing snail by removing his shell.... all to no avail though... If anything it's made him more sluggish!

Dear chilean minors,


69 days?
you fuckin bunch of lightweights..........



kind regards
Elizabeth Fritzel

welcome back red sox

I watched as the other woman inserted her fingers into my wife.....
understandably i decided to have a wank






midwives eh no sense of humour at all......

skybluedan said:

I watched as the other woman inserted her fingers into my wife.....
understandably i decided to have a wank






midwives eh no sense of humour at all......

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Pritty sure someone posted that one before :laugh::laugh::laugh:

David Cameron has announced he intends to make it more difficult to claim benefits.

From next week the forms will only be printed in English.

I've just phoned my senile old Gran and told her to be careful because there have been reports of flesh eating zombies trying to break into people's homes in her area. She told me that she'll load the gun and keep it by the front door just in case.

I fucking love Halloween.

I'm the kind of guy who stops the microwave at 1 second just to feel like a bomb defuser.

yeah sorry ive just looked back i had already done that one

The teacher asks little johnny use the word definitely in a sentance....
johnny says miss do farts have lumps in them?
the teacher says of course not johnny.....
to which johnny replies well i have definitely shit my pants...........................

one day 3 pensioners were sitting on a bench in the park when a flasher walked up and flashed
2 of them had a stroke the other was,nt quick enough

that first one was wrong, the second was good though!

I don't understand why Christians are against gay marriage.
Jesus had two dads, he turned out alright.

The ingenuity of a Pringles can:

100% full- This is amazing!
75%- Getting a bit awkward
50%- Oh great, my hand's stuck again
25%- Fuck it, i'll drink them

If world war 1 was a Bar Fight....

Germany, Austria and Italy are standing together in the middle of a pub when Serbia bumps into Austria and spills Austria's pint. Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit because there are splashes on its trouser leg. Germany expresses its support for Austria's point of view. Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit. Serbia points out that it can't afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for the cleaning of Austria's trousers. Russia and Serbia look at Austria. Austria asks Serbia who it's looking at. Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone. Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so. Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene. Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it? Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action. Britain and France ask Germany whether it's looking at Belgium. Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone. Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium. France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other. Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it's on Britain's side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria. Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings because Britain made Australia do it. France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change. Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting. America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself. By now all the chairs are broken and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany's fault . While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.

What I remember most about Lego:

5%- Building things according to instructions
10%- Building whatever the hell I wanted
15%- Searching my giant box of lego for that one piece
70%- Screaming in agony after stepping on a brick barefoot